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Unhappiness: The Best Problem to Have

Unhappiness: The Best Problem to Have

Of all the problems that you can have in your life, unhappiness is one of the best. That might seem strange. After all, who wants to be unhappy? We’ve all been through hard times in our life, whether it’s losing a job, finding out a loved one is sick, or even something as small as your favorite TV show being canceled. Whatever your cause for being unhappy, it is an actual feeling. But what you have to realize is that your feelings are in your control.

Being happy is a choice.

When something good or bad happens to you, you choose how you react to the situation. Nothing is forcing you to respond a certain way. Your feelings and attitude are yours, not anyone else’s. You decide how to move forward and do what you can to be happy again.

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It was few years ago that I learned this lesson for myself. I was working for a company in another country. I was with good people and I loved my work. It was the type of environment where I should have been happy. I was doing good, I was making a difference and I was learning about a new culture and meeting with people I came to love and respect. All in all it was a great situation. And yet, I found myself unhappy. I felt stuck in rut. My partner was a local and there was a huge language barrier between us, not to mention the cultural differences. We struggled to get things done and it seemed that everything was repetitive. I wasn’t being challenged, I wasn’t growing.

One day I was meeting with the company president. He is an amazing man that has accomplished equally amazing things in his life. He asked me how things were going and I talked about the work and the people. Then I told him that even though things were going well, I wasn’t happy. I thought he would tell me that unhappiness is a hard problem to deal with but over time you can change. I thought he would talk to me about a process to go through or tell me that I had no right to be unhappy and that this was a unique opportunity and not many people would get to experience it.

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The answer I was expecting never came. He looked at me and said, “Congratulations, that’s the best problem to have!” Shocked, I asked why. He told me that happiness is a decision you make. He challenged me to walk out the door a happier person. To my surprise, I did. Once I made up my mind to be happy, nothing could stop me.

My happiness is my choice. I can’t control what happens around me or what people do or say, but I can control my emotions and my response to those things. I have decided that my happiness is more important to me than letting someone else take it away.

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Making that choice.

Throwing off that cloud of unhappiness starts with your thoughts, your mindset. That will change before the situation does. You have to train your thoughts to focus on the positive. This can be a challenge, but the end result is worth it.

Making the decision to be happy doesn’t mean that you ignore the reality of the situation or downplay the challenge you are going through. Life can be hard and there are some challenges that people have to face that may not seem fair or right. When we are going through the hardest times in our lives we still have to remember happiness is a choice. Whatever your lot or situation in life, you can choose to find happiness.

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There are people all over the world who are able to see past sickness, deformities, loss of family, friends or possessions and still find happiness in their lives. There have been several wildfires spreading in states across the U.S. this year. It’s amazing to hear people who have lost their homes and everything they own talk about it later. Many of them say they are just grateful they are alive. They understand that even in the most trying times, you can still find something for which you can be grateful, something that gives you joy.

Just remember that your happiness is in your control. You can make up your mind today to get rid of that unhappiness you’ve been carrying around. It’s not a burden you have to bear. Find something that gives you joy and focus on that. This your decision. Make it happen!

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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