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5 Types of People Who Suck at Setting Goals: Which One Are You?

5 Types of People Who Suck at Setting Goals: Which One Are You?

Given up already on your New Year’s Goals? Or maybe you didn’t bother this year?

What is it that makes goal-setting work for some and not others?

There are many reasons why people fail to achieve their goals, but look below and you might be amazed to find there is a solution to your personal goal-setting failure.

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    Type A: Non-Committal Attitude

    In my experience, the number one reason for failure is that you haven’t really committed to the change in the first place. The age old New Year’s Resolution: “This year I’m going to get fit” will be heard far and wide, but if you really commit to the goal you need to ask yourself how you are going to do it.

    Solution: Clarity is needed to encourage commitment. If you really want to get fit, think it through—decide on the type of exercise you plan to do, and decide what days of the week and at what time you will do it. Having this all decided in advance makes it more difficult to make excuses. Tell people who support you what you intend to do, and even consider finding yourself an accountability buddy who will check up on you and encourage you to keep going.

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    Type B: Aversion to Planning

    Many people don’t like to be seen as planners. They see planners as being stifled and boring, and assume that routines and schedules are not for them. I know this because for many years I fought against routine: I was too young and too cool to plan anything; spontaneity was my best friend. What I found many years later was that by planning, I could achieve more—by planning, I could get things done and leave time to be more creative and spontaneous.

    Solution: Set a goal and plan out how you are going to achieve it. Start small: if you want to write a book, plan and schedule the first chapter. When you achieve this first milestone, you will see how easy it was to do so and then plan the next chapter. Plan regular small steps in your calendar and you will be amazed at how much more you will achieve in life.

    Type C: Non-Believer

    Most of you will be familiar with the Henry Ford quote “If you think you can or think you can’t you are probably right.” This holds true with goals: if you set a goal and deep down don’t believe you can actually achieve it, don’t waste your time.

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    Solution: Only set goals you believe you can achieve. What can you do if you don’t believe in your own power to achieve any of your goals? Positive affirmations can help you to achieve your goals, so try to make all your thoughts positive and supportive. Mohammad Ali proclaimed “I am the Greatest” long before he actually believed it.  Monitor your thoughts, when they are negative try and replace them with a positive one.

    Type D: Easily Led

    Then there are those who look to others for affirmation, but instead they get discouragement. “Don’t go for a run—come for a beer instead, it’s way more fun.” Well, it’s more fun for your friend, who won’t feel guilty that they are not exercising when you are. So many people unwittingly try to sabotage your success, and they often do so because if you improve, they’ll be forced to focus on their own stagnation. They will try to drag you back to their level at every opportunity.

    Solution: Hang out with people who support you. If that’s not possible, if you have a sibling or spouse who discourages your goals and dreams, start to recognize when it happens and remain committed to your goal. When you start to recognize that other people are preventing you from living your life, you will stop allowing it to happen.

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    Type E: All or Nothing

    I’ve met many of the “all or nothing” type in my time—they want it all, and they want it now. If it won’t happen tomorrow there is no point in doing it !

    Solution: Reality check—nothing happens immediately. Learn to set smaller goals that give you more instant gratification along with your larger goals, so you can have the best of both worlds.

    Awareness is the key factor when it comes to making changes. By understanding yourself and your excuses you will be better able to make decisions which will serve you and get you a step closer to achieving your goals this year.

    Featured photo credit:  Mountains landscape. Young woman walking a trail in a green mountains. via Shutterstock

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    Ciara Conlon

    Productivity coach, speaker, blogger and author of Chaos to Control, a Practical Guide to Getting Things Done

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    Last Updated on May 21, 2019

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

    If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

    Example 1

    You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

    You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

    In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

    Example 2

    You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

    People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

    You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

    Example 3

    You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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    The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

    Example 4

    You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

    Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

    If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

    Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

    • Understand your own communication style
    • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
    • Communicate with precision and care
    • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

    1. Understand Your Communication Style

    To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

    In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

    Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

    2. Learn Others Communication Styles

    Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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    If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

    “How do you prefer to receive information?”

    This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

    To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

    3. Exercise Precision and Care

    A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

    On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

    Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

    I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

    I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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    In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

    The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

    Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

    4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

    Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

    In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

    “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

    Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

    Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

    It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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    It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

    It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

    Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

    Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

    The Bottom Line

    When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

    I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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    Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

    Reference

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