Advertising
Advertising

The Real Differences Between Short-Term Verses Long-Term Happiness

The Real Differences Between Short-Term Verses Long-Term Happiness

I was in a department store the other day when I saw a young mother trying to placate a crying two year old. Every parent has been there. She was able to appease the child with a bit of candy. Again, every parent has been there.

I could only think of how long this would last after the piece of candy was gone. Would the child’s outlook improve for the better? Or was this going to be a long ride home for that mother? The brief reprieve may be only short lived.

As adults we are faced with the same balance of what brings long term and short term happiness. We can sometimes get lost in the benefits of long term contentment. It helps us to grow and develop and appreciate what we have. Here are seven ways to recognize the benefits of each.

1. How You Look vs Who You Are

There is an old saying that clothes make the man. This makes a great advertising slogan, but it is only true on the surface. A nice suit is great at making a good first impression. Long lasting relations are dependent on you.

Advertising

Developing your character in the way you act and interact has much more meaning. You are able to influence people around you and leave a lasting impression that a flashy car or nice clothes cannot.

2. Relationships Based On A Checklist

Some people seek to make friends or develop relationships based on a checklist. They think the best qualities are like making a grocery list. Good looks? Check! Sense of humor? Check! No job? Nope sorry!

Maybe there is safety in developing a list like this for looking for the perfect partner. The problem is there may not be a perfect one. Finding relationships that complement you and make you happy is what is important.

3. The Cool Crowd Or Your Caring Posse?

Someone once told me that an acquaintance will buy you drinks at a bar. But a real friend will drive you home when you cannot. There are people with a natural charisma who draw people to them. They can show you a good time or be the life of the party.

Advertising

Can you rely on people like this when the chips are down? It’s great to have friends that want to have a good time but the ones that bring long term joy are those who have your back.

4. How Does Money Make You Happy?

Entrepreneurism has become prevalent in today’s business world. It is now easy to start a business with the Internet and technology. There are two different reasons why people pursue starting a business: to make money or fulfill a passion.

Making money is a necessity, but it is something that is used for basic needs. For more lasting joy, doing something you like needs to be considered. It is the fuel that drives you during stressful periods.

5. You Are What You Eat

Certain behaviors can trigger what we eat. The break up with a significant other can mean bringing out ice cream. A desire to lose weight promotes dieting for long term health. Various aspects of our lives can affect our food regimen.

Advertising

Food may be something that comes to mind when discussing short term verses long term happiness, but it is such an important part of our lives and well being. It is the focal point of social engagements. It is a cornerstone of our health. Think about the food you eat and see if your eating habits satisfy immediate needs or are part of something important.

6. Spending Your Time Wisely Or Foolishly

Which of these describes you: sitting on the couch flipping through 200 channels claiming there is nothing on? Or making a family night out of watching a movie with members of your household? How you spend your time can make a big difference between short-term verses long-term happiness.

Time is a precious commodity. You can always make money but you cannot make time. Consider if you are using your time wisely or just going through the motions of life. Looking back, you may regret not taking advantage of it.

7. Taking Care Of Your Health Or Putting It Off

I, like many, do not see going to the doctor as a favorite activity. There are things you would rather be doing than sitting in a waiting room all morning, not to mention the lecture of not eating or exercising properly.

Advertising

The fact is a few hours of what feels like an inconvenience is necessary. Your health is so important and keeping up on maintaining it means avoiding or minimizing serious health problems. It may feel okay to cancel appointments when you do not feel like going, but it could have ramifications if you blow it off long term.

Life is full of simple pleasures that bring happiness. Immediate gratification is common because it is simple and easy. But remember the bigger picture too as you consider the differences between short-term verses long term happiness in your life.

Featured photo credit: @Doug88888 via flickr.com

More by this author

7 Tips For Taking Out Student Loans Right 7 Ways To Easily Get Noticed During A Job Search Why You Can Get Any Job With Your Current Experience The Real Differences Between Short-Term Verses Long-Term Happiness 10 Questions You Should Ask When Facing A Tough Career Decision

Trending in Communication

1 11 Facts About Volunteering That Will Surely Impress You 2 I Hate My Wife – Why a Husband Would Resent His Spouse 3 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 4 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next