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The Most Underutilized Tool for Effective Communication

The Most Underutilized Tool for Effective Communication

So much of my management coaching practice is about providing people with better tools for the common problems they continue to struggle with. At times, these “new” tools are actually things we learned way back when we were in school. We had tuned out our teachers while we were learning them, thinking, When will I ever use this stuff? Well, lo and behold, you became a manager, and that when is now.

For instance, there is a certain tool I have found to be extremely effective in clearing up all sorts of communication glitches in organizations, and it works almost instantly. It’s something most of us learned about way back in our primary school English classes, but we forgot about it that long ago too, because our English teachers were pretty much the only people who talked about it. Once I remembered it, I discovered it to be one of the most powerful communication tools we could use in our company so that expectations would be clear. That tool, harking back to English 101, is vocabulary.

According to AskOxford.com,

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“the Second Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary contains full entries for 171,476 words in current use, and 47,156 obsolete words.”

With so many words to choose from, if you speak English, chances are that vocabulary is something you need pretty badly at work. When you use certain words in your organization, you leave them open to interpretation when you are not specific about defining them. On the other hand, creating concise vocabulary within an organization will shape the language you specifically choose to employ when you communicate with each other.

In the work world, think of vocabulary as your misconception killer. My experience has been that people don’t find vocabulary conversations at work insulting or condescending. On the contrary, they become very grateful that we didn’t assume so much and made our intent so clearly known. Even when people define words correctly, they can misinterpret the context in which they are used, or find that they are just too broad and not succinct enough. In these cases, vocabulary becomes a tool for narrowing down the variables; it can save heaps of time because intention is so immediately clear.

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Let’s look at a few examples of common work related words that are often used interchangeably in many organizations, and I’ll explain how we use them very specifically in my company to create our own language of intention with them.

    Objective and Goal

For us, our objectives are the strategic objectives which are company wide, shared by every single person in the organization. Goals relate to people individually, and what they wish to learn and achieve to grow within the organization on a personal basis.

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    Systems and Processes

With these two words, process is the word of choice when the way things work involve the performance of people. This is easy to remember, in that we keep the 3 p’s of people, performance, and process together. On the other hand, systems refer to things like paper trails, electronic and IT systems, and those largely automated structures we have in place; they are universally “systemic” and not driven by individual choice. Once the setting part is done, the people involvement is minimal.

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    Management and Leadership

Both such robust, intricate, and complex verbs! We find it useful to use ‘classic Webster’ on this one: “Manage; to bring about or succeed in accomplishing; contrive. Lead; to go before or with to show the way, conduct or escort.” Generally management is about our operational strategies, and leadership our visionary ones.

Which concepts would you love to have better defined in your company? How can specific vocabulary help cut through confusion and ambiguity for you?

Related articles:
Ho‘omau and your Language of Intention
What’s the difference between Mission and Vision?

Rosa Say is the author of Managing with Aloha, Bringing Hawaii’s Universal Values to the Art of Business and the Talking Story blog. She is also the founder and head coach of Say Leadership Coaching, a company dedicated to bringing nobility to the working arts of management and leadership.

Rosa’s Previous Thursday Column was: ROV Coaching: Gain Return on your Values.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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