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That Whole Social Networking Thing

That Whole Social Networking Thing

    If you haven’t figured this all out, the reason the world is going all social networking happy is because this is your means to connect to people directly and get away from the rigid structure of corporate ladders and protocol and hierarchy. It’s a way to extend your audience of friends, colleagues, business partners, and teammates. The whole point of this is to build your new world map from the digits and bits and free hugs left floating out there on the Internet in search of you. Did you know that? People are trying to find you and connect.

    Why so many platforms?


    Just like in real life, there are tons of networks, and they each have their own spin. There are presence networks like Twitter and Jaiku. There are broader platforms like Facebook or the less elegant MySpace. And there are networks with themes like Flickr for photos, or LinkedIN for business. There are do-it-yourself social platforms like Ning. I could name tons more sites (and all those links are to my profiles on all those sites), but you get the point.

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    Why so many? Because there are different reasons to be part of different groups. And all of these groups drive one thing: connection to other people who share similar interests.

    Social Networks are the New Chambers of Commerce

    I believe if you’re a business, or belong to a certain profession, that joining the trade organizations and consortiums and chambers are all important duties to continue doing in the “real world.” But it is just as important to establish your footprint in virtual spaces, like Second Life, where plenty of real world business is being transacted every day. On top of this, these personal social networks like the Twitters and the Facebooks are important ways to reach out and establish relationships. And if you join some of the non-work-heavy sites like a Flickr, you get the added benefit or proving to prospective customers, clients, and colleagues that you’re a real human being, talented, and not just some kind of corporate robot.

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    Tie them all together

    I’m a big fan of Wink, as a site that ties all kinds of various tools together. They mix everything from your SMS messages in Twitter to your photo stream to your del.icio.us bookmarking all neatly into one package. Then, should you keep a blog, they make a really cool widget you can add into your sidebar or place on a page, such that someone can quickly and easily connect to you through all your various social outlets. See an example here.

    Tips for newcomers

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    You get what you put in, is my first point to make. Second, the first thing you should do upon joining ANY social network, is determine how things are done, the social norms of the environment. For instance, I joined a community that operates via mail lists, and I ended up sounding a little too “pitchy” for people. They got mad pretty quick. Had I read a few dozen emails from other group members, I would’ve understood the “lay of the land” a little better.

    I recommend using your picture everywhere you can. On my blog, I griped about LinkedIN not having photos as part of a profile page, and got a neat response from the company, but really, most of these other places permit a user picture. Resist the urge to put your logo, and throw a headshot up there. Make it more personal that way.

    The real return on social networks

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    Most of my friends over the last several months got jobs through a social network. Real, paying jobs. They found things they were passionate about, met the people deep within organizations that mattered to them, and they tied those relationships together. Do I need to tell you more than that? You can’t do that with a corporate directory. You can’t do that with the average ad. Meet real people, connect, build relationships. It’s how this gets done these days.

    Chris Brogan blogs at [chrisbrogan.com]. He got his current job creating the Video on the Net conference by creating a free unconference called PodCamp. Meet him in Stockholm Sweden, 12-14 June, at PodCamp Europe.

    Photo credit, ganonzote

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    Last Updated on May 21, 2019

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

    If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

    Example 1

    You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

    You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

    In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

    Example 2

    You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

    People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

    You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

    Example 3

    You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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    The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

    Example 4

    You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

    Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

    If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

    Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

    • Understand your own communication style
    • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
    • Communicate with precision and care
    • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

    1. Understand Your Communication Style

    To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

    In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

    Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

    2. Learn Others Communication Styles

    Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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    If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

    “How do you prefer to receive information?”

    This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

    To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

    3. Exercise Precision and Care

    A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

    On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

    Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

    I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

    I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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    In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

    The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

    Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

    4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

    Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

    In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

    “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

    Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

    Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

    It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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    It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

    It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

    Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

    Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

    The Bottom Line

    When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

    I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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    Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

    Reference

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