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Stop Worry in Its Tracks With This Simple Trick

Stop Worry in Its Tracks With This Simple Trick

“How am I going to pay my bills? I have no money and no income. I don’t have a job. Where and how can I find employment? No one wants to hire me, I’m too old. I’m at the point where many companies offer buy-outs. Beside, the economy is terrible and no one is hiring. How am I going to pay my bills, I have no money?”

This is an example of a worry whirlpool that many of us experience. Worry is that quagmire of circular thinking we get stuck in when we are afraid, as it involves circular thoughts based on fear. We’ve all experienced it: if not about finance, then about relationships or performance.

Whether you are preparing for a date or just completed one, fear can produce worry. You might get stuck focusing on questions that have no immediate answer, for example. Before the date you might think: “Will he like me?” or “Am I dressed appropriately?” After the date, other questions can be found running around in your head. We frequently worry about what other people think about us and/or our performance. “Was that the correct way to handle the situation, or was there something else I should have done?” or perhaps “I wonder if they will be pleased with my presentation.”

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One often-recommended method to counteract worry is to stop, take a deep breath, and let it out slowly while relaxing your body. If you are mired deep in the worry whirlpool, however, you can’t relax. If you find yourself stuck in this thought circle quagmire and are having a difficulty finding  an escape, here’s a simple trick I found:

Stop the Worry Cycle

What works is to stop and focus externally on where you are physically, with no valuation or judgement. It’s that simple to stop the worry whirlpool.

Here’s an example:

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Right now I am sitting on a chair with my feet on the ground, in my home office. The chair has wheels, a low back and no arm rests. It has a gray, burlap textured covering. I am typing on my computer keyboard. My keyboard is plastic and black with white letters.

Notice how it is all external details: just facts. I don’t mention that the burlap textured covering FEELS rough, as that would be a judgement. I don’t mention the small fan keeping me cool or that my office is a mess—those would all be judgements as well.

This thought process of focusing on the external physical facts stops the emotions in a manner that trying to “relax” muscles never manages to attain. I think that is because “relaxing” is internal and similar to an emotion, and it is emotion that triggers the cycle in the first place.

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You see, emotions are first presented in the body. This is from the evolution of the fight-or-flight response controlled by the portion of the brain called the amygdala, which also handles emotion. To get past the emotion and think rationally, you need to activate your prefrontal cortex—the reasoning part of your brain. That’s what focusing on the external physical details does for you: it activates your brain’s reasoning center. Once the circling thoughts are stopped, you can begin thinking logically and rationally again to realize what you are afraid of and thinking about what, if any, actions you can take to reduce that fear.

You can use this process for many varieties of worry, because worry is a manifestation of anxiety: an emotional response. Once you can think without anxiety, you can develop a non-emotional plan of action, even if that action is nothing but deciding on acceptance of the reality that there is nothing you can do to change what happened.

Financial worry is usually a fear of failure. After stopping the circling thoughts, you are able to once again use the logical, rational part of your brain to identify this fear of failure. Then you can developed a plan of action, which really fights against fear.

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Dating fear is the fear of the unknown. You don’t know what your date is thinking, and you can’t know without an extremely intimate and honest conversation. So, the first step is to stop the emotional thinking. Once you can stop the emotional response, you can rationally think about what you can and can’t do about it. You can call and ask your date about the plans and what the dress code might be. After the fact, you can’t change what happened on last night’s date, but you can learn from it and change how you act on the next one.

The next time you find yourself stuck in the worry whirlpool, stop and focus externally on your physical location and surroundings.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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