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A Simple Tool to Boost Your Motivation

A Simple Tool to Boost Your Motivation

If you can remember why it is that you’re doing something that you feel is important, you’ll be in a much better place, psychologically, to be able to keep doing it when it starts to get tough. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? That’s probably because it’s far more simple than you realize.

For example, if you can remember why you’ve decided to give up alcohol and chocolate (to lose weight), you’ll be better placed to be able to turn them down when they’re offered.

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when you feel like quitting

    If you can remember that you’re not solely trying to learn 4000+ random facts for an exam but that you’re trying to learn 4000+ facts about drugs you’re going to use when you’re a doctor—helping people live happy and healthy lives—you’ll be more likely to to keep working at 11 PM when your friends are out at a bar having a good time. Trust me on this, I’m speaking from personal experience.

    As simple as this is, how often do we actually use this obvious truth to help us be more productive?

    My situation and observations

    I’m doing a lot of traveling at the moment, giving talks to groups and organisations who need a little help with keeping their people in the game—perhaps because of a death in service or having to lay off staff, or any other reason that teams start to feel down. Now, I can’t pretend this is a representative, scientific survey, but based upon the number of people who don’t raise their hands when I ask about it from the podium, I’d say that this one simple truth is heavily under-used.

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    This could be because it’s just not “cool” to be seen to be enthused, enthusiastic and motivated by anything more significant than the money—I don’t know. What I do know is that if you can put your hand on your heart about why you do things, you’re in a better place to cope when shit hits the fan.
    So, how can we make use of this motivation idea? These are just a few ideas that seem to work for me, my team and my clients: I can’t promise that they’ll all work for you, but all it needs is for one of them to fit with you.

    Ask Yourself “Why?”

    If you didn’t go in to work today (or for a week, or whatever) who would suffer? I don’t just mean your boss—who’d have to arrange cover for you, or the co-workers who’d have to actually do the work you weren’t doing—I mean the people who use your product or service. The answer is easy if you’re a nurse or a teacher, but what abut if you drive a truck?
    If you don’t do your job, someone doesn’t get their stuff, and their world isn’t as nice. Birthdays kind of depend on you doing your thing.

    • If you’re a mechanic, someone might not be able to drive to visit their niece or their aged uncle.
    • If you’re a road-sweeper? People will end up disliking their neighbourhood, and statistically, unhappiness and crime both go up when this occurs.

    Write it Down

    When you realize why you’re doing something, jot it down: try to capture it in one or two sentences. If you can phrase them to be something like “I do X, Y, Z because it makes the world a little better because…” then so much the better.
    Keep this note somewhere that you are going to see it regularly such as the inside of your appointments diary. Writing it on a Post-It note that’s stuck to the side of your computer might also work well if you spend a lot of time at your desk. You could also tuck it in somewhere silly like inside your desk drawer so you see it over the course of a day each time you need to get a pen out.

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    Move it

    We all take things for granted after a while, so maintain a policy of moving your note every now and again. Even just a little way will do—like from the right-hand side of your computer to the left—or from the computer to your diary.

    Check it

    Every six months or so, my diary bleeps at me with a “take stock” reminder. There are a whole bunch of things to take stock of and exercises to do, but one of the biggies is to simply ask myself this question: if someone didn’t know why I do what I do, would they be able to guess it from watching me for the last half year?
    Inevitably the answer is, at best: “Not easily”. So, there’s a follow-up question: “Why not?” And the one that follows that one is: “How can I change things over the next six months so that the answer is ‘Yes”?”
    Smartphones and electronic diaries are great for this kind of thing; not just for phoning people and talking to Facebook/Twitter/wherever! They help you keep track of things and remind you of them as needed.

    Summary

    This technique isn’t magic; it’s just a tool, and though it isn’t a silver bullet that can kill all the bad guys at once, it does help. Try it!

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    Last Updated on January 15, 2019

    How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

    How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

    Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

    In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

    Step right up, don’t be shy!

    Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

    The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

    Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

    Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
    So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

    A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

    Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

    Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

    When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

    Culturally Conditioned

    We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

    I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

    The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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    Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

    Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

    Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

    1. Broadens Your Network

    After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

    2. Improves Your Communication Skills

    I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

    Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

    3. Continually Learning

    So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

    Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

    4. Increases Self Confidence

    Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

    Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

    So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

    How to Talk to Strangers

    Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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    1. Say Hello

    Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

    Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

    Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

    2. Ask About Them

    Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

    You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

    As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

    3. Just Do It

    One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

    When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

    Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

    4. Don’t Take It Personal

    One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

    When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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    5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

    I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

    One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

    6. Detach

    A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

    Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

    7. Share Your Stories

    Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

    To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

    So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

    8. Give a Compliment

    Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

    When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

    9. Relax Your Body Language

    If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

    When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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    If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

    10. Practice, Practice, Practice

    Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

    Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

    After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

    The Bottom Line

    As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

    There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

    Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

    Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

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    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

    Reference

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