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Planning a Wedding? 5 Responsibilities to Delegate to the Groom

Planning a Wedding? 5 Responsibilities to Delegate to the Groom

If you’ve been dreaming about your wedding since you were a little girl, you may feel like you want to have a hand in making sure every single detail has been accounted for. Even for brides who’d rather outsource all of the details to a wedding planner, it’s still easy to feel overwhelmed by all that’s still left for you to do.

I’ve got one word for you, ladies: delegation. Whether it’s enlisting your mom or adding to those bridesmaid duties, it’s important to ask for help when you need it. But there’s one person in particular who shouldn’t escape the wedding chore mill: Mr. Groom. In fact, if you’re fine with being a little untraditional, there’s a whoooole lot he could help out with. If, however, he’s dragging his heels, here are 5 responsibilities tradition dictates that he accept – no whining allowed!

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1. Write His Guest List and Select Groomsmen

At first glance, drawing up a guest list wouldn’t seem like a difficult task. You can both just invite whomever you like, right? Not unless you plan on paying for every member of his fraternity house that he hasn’t talked to in five years. Have your groom-to-be write up a complete guest list, notating must-haves and would-like-to-haves as he goes, as well as those he must ask out of duty but who aren’t likely to come. He should also be in charge of getting his family to write up their own list, so you’ve got the full range of relatives and family friends covered. This can all take some coordination, so it’s really a priority that he get this done fast so you can work on narrowing things down – a task that may very well be your first true negotiation as a couple!

From there, it’s time for your fiancé to start thinking about who he’d like to have as his groomsmen – particularly his best man – and to reach out to them as soon as possible to ensure they’re available and up for the responsibility. Traditionally, the groom’s party should be equal in size to the bride’s, but many couples no longer follow this. Regardless, the sooner he gets this sorted, the sooner you can as well, so encourage him not to wait until the last minute.

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2. Take Care of the Marriage License

The last thing you want is for your marriage not to be considered, ermh, technically legal. Taking care of the marriage license is traditionally the groom’s responsibility, so make sure he knows what he needs to do and puts it on his calendar. This is important, because different states will have different requirements, including 48-hour waiting periods between the purchase of the license and the actual ceremony, 6-month time limits, pre-marital counseling, and even blood tests. The last thing you want is to reach the day before your wedding only to realize you need a judge’s waiver because he hasn’t taken care of the legalities in time.

3. Buy Gifts for the Groomsmen

The groomsmen, just like the bridesmaids, will be contributing a lot to the wedding. Tradition dictates that you both thank your respective wedding parties with great gifts. These can range from Swiss army knives to ties to a variety of more personal or unique groomsmen gifts. Most grooms will spend $30 to $60 on their gifts, budgeting more for the best man, but these prices can range significantly based on your fiancée’s style.

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4. Pick the Music

If your groom has great musical tastes and a passion for sound, don’t hesitate to delegate the musical choices to him, as this is one task he might actually enjoy! Choosing the musical display could mean everything from finding and booking the DJ or band to selecting the actual playlist. Just make sure he keeps his picks widely applicable to the majority of guests. While death metal might be his thing, your 95-year-old great-grandmother might not agree.

5. Go Shopping

While you can certainly help your fiancé along the way, the ultimate choice of attire is up to him, both when it comes to his own tux and that of his groomsmen. If he’s having trouble getting started, he might want to ask his married friends for tips or head to a tux superstore or boutique for some guidance. Tuxes, just like gowns, will need tailoring, so he should get on this early, unless of course he’s only renting (in which case he should still head to the store and try a few on). And don’t forget the shoes!

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Take-Away

A lot goes into planning a wedding, so why not delegate a few tasks? Doing so just leaves more time for you to devote to the elements of wedding planning that really get you excited. So look down that task list, set up a tète à tète with your groom-to-be, and get those wedding chores outsourced!

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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