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Planning a Wedding? 5 Responsibilities to Delegate to the Groom

Planning a Wedding? 5 Responsibilities to Delegate to the Groom

If you’ve been dreaming about your wedding since you were a little girl, you may feel like you want to have a hand in making sure every single detail has been accounted for. Even for brides who’d rather outsource all of the details to a wedding planner, it’s still easy to feel overwhelmed by all that’s still left for you to do.

I’ve got one word for you, ladies: delegation. Whether it’s enlisting your mom or adding to those bridesmaid duties, it’s important to ask for help when you need it. But there’s one person in particular who shouldn’t escape the wedding chore mill: Mr. Groom. In fact, if you’re fine with being a little untraditional, there’s a whoooole lot he could help out with. If, however, he’s dragging his heels, here are 5 responsibilities tradition dictates that he accept – no whining allowed!

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1. Write His Guest List and Select Groomsmen

At first glance, drawing up a guest list wouldn’t seem like a difficult task. You can both just invite whomever you like, right? Not unless you plan on paying for every member of his fraternity house that he hasn’t talked to in five years. Have your groom-to-be write up a complete guest list, notating must-haves and would-like-to-haves as he goes, as well as those he must ask out of duty but who aren’t likely to come. He should also be in charge of getting his family to write up their own list, so you’ve got the full range of relatives and family friends covered. This can all take some coordination, so it’s really a priority that he get this done fast so you can work on narrowing things down – a task that may very well be your first true negotiation as a couple!

From there, it’s time for your fiancé to start thinking about who he’d like to have as his groomsmen – particularly his best man – and to reach out to them as soon as possible to ensure they’re available and up for the responsibility. Traditionally, the groom’s party should be equal in size to the bride’s, but many couples no longer follow this. Regardless, the sooner he gets this sorted, the sooner you can as well, so encourage him not to wait until the last minute.

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2. Take Care of the Marriage License

The last thing you want is for your marriage not to be considered, ermh, technically legal. Taking care of the marriage license is traditionally the groom’s responsibility, so make sure he knows what he needs to do and puts it on his calendar. This is important, because different states will have different requirements, including 48-hour waiting periods between the purchase of the license and the actual ceremony, 6-month time limits, pre-marital counseling, and even blood tests. The last thing you want is to reach the day before your wedding only to realize you need a judge’s waiver because he hasn’t taken care of the legalities in time.

3. Buy Gifts for the Groomsmen

The groomsmen, just like the bridesmaids, will be contributing a lot to the wedding. Tradition dictates that you both thank your respective wedding parties with great gifts. These can range from Swiss army knives to ties to a variety of more personal or unique groomsmen gifts. Most grooms will spend $30 to $60 on their gifts, budgeting more for the best man, but these prices can range significantly based on your fiancée’s style.

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4. Pick the Music

If your groom has great musical tastes and a passion for sound, don’t hesitate to delegate the musical choices to him, as this is one task he might actually enjoy! Choosing the musical display could mean everything from finding and booking the DJ or band to selecting the actual playlist. Just make sure he keeps his picks widely applicable to the majority of guests. While death metal might be his thing, your 95-year-old great-grandmother might not agree.

5. Go Shopping

While you can certainly help your fiancé along the way, the ultimate choice of attire is up to him, both when it comes to his own tux and that of his groomsmen. If he’s having trouble getting started, he might want to ask his married friends for tips or head to a tux superstore or boutique for some guidance. Tuxes, just like gowns, will need tailoring, so he should get on this early, unless of course he’s only renting (in which case he should still head to the store and try a few on). And don’t forget the shoes!

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Take-Away

A lot goes into planning a wedding, so why not delegate a few tasks? Doing so just leaves more time for you to devote to the elements of wedding planning that really get you excited. So look down that task list, set up a tète à tète with your groom-to-be, and get those wedding chores outsourced!

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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