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My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

We are all seeking that one true love, the soulmate who we will spend the rest of our lives with. But, this is something that can leave one searching for their entire life, and they will never know true love. In fact, many people end up marrying someone that they aren’t completely in love with, in order to feel like they are accomplishing what they should in life. Sadly, these are often the marriages that end up in divorce. It doesn’t have to be like this. At least, not if you understand the difference between a soulmate and someone you want to have a great relationship with.

American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise.”

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One Person’s Story

I met and married my first husband, thinking that I had found my soulmate, and that “until death do us part” was something we both believed in. At least I thought we did, until he decided that he wanted a divorce. So much for being soulmates. Then, after several years of being single, I met another man who I decided to marry. Everyone kept asking if he was “the one”, the person who would be my soulmate. At this point, I wasn’t looking for a soulmate. I was looking for someone would love me and care for me. Eight years later, we are still in that same loving relationship, and we continue to grow together. I may not have considered him a soulmate, but he is someone who I plan on spending the rest of my life with.

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Who is Your Soulmate?

Your romantic partner doesn’t necessarily have to be your soulmate. In fact, it could be one of your best friends who is actually your soulmate or soul companion. For instance, you may have a friend who you confide all of your deepest secrets to, someone that you can’t live without in your life. You may not necessarily have a romantic interest in this person, but you do have a deep connection that is going to stay with you for life. Your soulmate is someone who you can relate to, who you care for and want the best for, and they feel the same for you. But, your soulmate is not a person who contributes to your sadness. This is not someone who is going to be your lifelong companion.

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Marriage = Work

Just because you haven’t married your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that your marriage isn’t worth working on. You can have a perfectly wonderful marriage without being with that one soul companion you think you are supposed to be with. But, a great marriage isn’t something that just happens. Both of you need to continuously work at it. You also need time apart, to do your own things. You don’t have to be glued together at the hips in order to make your marriage work. In fact, having your own separate activities can help to bring you closer together, because you are able to see that you work as a couple no matter what activities you love. In fact, when you do things separately, you are able to see things more clearly, and your time together is that much more wonderful.

Featured photo credit: Spenser via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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