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My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

We are all seeking that one true love, the soulmate who we will spend the rest of our lives with. But, this is something that can leave one searching for their entire life, and they will never know true love. In fact, many people end up marrying someone that they aren’t completely in love with, in order to feel like they are accomplishing what they should in life. Sadly, these are often the marriages that end up in divorce. It doesn’t have to be like this. At least, not if you understand the difference between a soulmate and someone you want to have a great relationship with.

American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise.”

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One Person’s Story

I met and married my first husband, thinking that I had found my soulmate, and that “until death do us part” was something we both believed in. At least I thought we did, until he decided that he wanted a divorce. So much for being soulmates. Then, after several years of being single, I met another man who I decided to marry. Everyone kept asking if he was “the one”, the person who would be my soulmate. At this point, I wasn’t looking for a soulmate. I was looking for someone would love me and care for me. Eight years later, we are still in that same loving relationship, and we continue to grow together. I may not have considered him a soulmate, but he is someone who I plan on spending the rest of my life with.

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Who is Your Soulmate?

Your romantic partner doesn’t necessarily have to be your soulmate. In fact, it could be one of your best friends who is actually your soulmate or soul companion. For instance, you may have a friend who you confide all of your deepest secrets to, someone that you can’t live without in your life. You may not necessarily have a romantic interest in this person, but you do have a deep connection that is going to stay with you for life. Your soulmate is someone who you can relate to, who you care for and want the best for, and they feel the same for you. But, your soulmate is not a person who contributes to your sadness. This is not someone who is going to be your lifelong companion.

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Marriage = Work

Just because you haven’t married your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that your marriage isn’t worth working on. You can have a perfectly wonderful marriage without being with that one soul companion you think you are supposed to be with. But, a great marriage isn’t something that just happens. Both of you need to continuously work at it. You also need time apart, to do your own things. You don’t have to be glued together at the hips in order to make your marriage work. In fact, having your own separate activities can help to bring you closer together, because you are able to see that you work as a couple no matter what activities you love. In fact, when you do things separately, you are able to see things more clearly, and your time together is that much more wonderful.

Featured photo credit: Spenser via flickr.com

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Jane Hurst

Writer, editor

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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