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My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

My Partner Is Not My Soulmate

We are all seeking that one true love, the soulmate who we will spend the rest of our lives with. But, this is something that can leave one searching for their entire life, and they will never know true love. In fact, many people end up marrying someone that they aren’t completely in love with, in order to feel like they are accomplishing what they should in life. Sadly, these are often the marriages that end up in divorce. It doesn’t have to be like this. At least, not if you understand the difference between a soulmate and someone you want to have a great relationship with.

American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise.”

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One Person’s Story

I met and married my first husband, thinking that I had found my soulmate, and that “until death do us part” was something we both believed in. At least I thought we did, until he decided that he wanted a divorce. So much for being soulmates. Then, after several years of being single, I met another man who I decided to marry. Everyone kept asking if he was “the one”, the person who would be my soulmate. At this point, I wasn’t looking for a soulmate. I was looking for someone would love me and care for me. Eight years later, we are still in that same loving relationship, and we continue to grow together. I may not have considered him a soulmate, but he is someone who I plan on spending the rest of my life with.

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Who is Your Soulmate?

Your romantic partner doesn’t necessarily have to be your soulmate. In fact, it could be one of your best friends who is actually your soulmate or soul companion. For instance, you may have a friend who you confide all of your deepest secrets to, someone that you can’t live without in your life. You may not necessarily have a romantic interest in this person, but you do have a deep connection that is going to stay with you for life. Your soulmate is someone who you can relate to, who you care for and want the best for, and they feel the same for you. But, your soulmate is not a person who contributes to your sadness. This is not someone who is going to be your lifelong companion.

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Marriage = Work

Just because you haven’t married your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that your marriage isn’t worth working on. You can have a perfectly wonderful marriage without being with that one soul companion you think you are supposed to be with. But, a great marriage isn’t something that just happens. Both of you need to continuously work at it. You also need time apart, to do your own things. You don’t have to be glued together at the hips in order to make your marriage work. In fact, having your own separate activities can help to bring you closer together, because you are able to see that you work as a couple no matter what activities you love. In fact, when you do things separately, you are able to see things more clearly, and your time together is that much more wonderful.

Featured photo credit: Spenser via flickr.com

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Jane Hurst

Writer, editor

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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