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One Thing Your Teachers Did Very Wrong

One Thing Your Teachers Did Very Wrong

The Teacher’s Great Deception

Let me ask you a simple question: What are your strengths? Let’s think for a minute before reading further.

You probably started your thinking process by listing the things you are good at. This is exactly what your teachers did very wrong, and it has had serious consequences in your life.

It was hard for me to believe that when I counted all the time I spent in the education system, the total number was 17 years. I’ve spent 17 years being graded thousands of times for everything I did. It’s just a long list of subject names along with A, B, C and others (or actually, in Poland, where I live, I could get 5 for being really good and 1 for being really bad at something).

Great Discovery

Let’s stop for a moment and think about it. For many, many years, you and I were receiving grades from our teachers that were supposed to reflect the quality of our work in every possible aspect. But here is the point:

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A strength is not just something you’re good at; it is something that makes you feel strong!

And how many people on the whole planet know what makes you feel strong?
Think for a minute.

That’s right. Exactly one.
It is you.

In my case I could get through 17 years of learning, receive thousands of grades, yet among the teachers, there was rarely anybody asking “what do you feel when you are doing this?” And I was the only one on the whole planet who could answer that question.

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This is why I could get the same grades in two subjects, but one was making me feel strong and the other was draining my energy. This is why I could spend hours studying the first one and researching additional information, while I was learning the other just to pass the exam and nothing more.

Try listing things that make you feel strong. It could be the same things your teachers told you you’re good at, but not necessarily. You helped the old lady while others didn’t care, and she smiled in return, so you felt strong. You woke up at 4:00 in the morning to see the sunset in the mountains while others didn’t care, so you felt strong. You were solving a difficult logical problem and 3 hours passed like 15 minutes, so you felt strong. Take a few minutes to make your list; it can really open your eyes.

Your strength

    Great Difference

    When you meet people, you can immediately tell if what they are doing is making them feel strong or not. They don’t even have to speak–it’s just one look in their eyes, and you are immediately aware. The same applies to you!

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    If you are fueled by passion and by doing something that makes you feel strong, you can work harder than anyone else. People can see it in 5 seconds, before you even open your mouth. This is why we love passionate people; their energy level speaks for itself.

    Do you know what Michael Jordan heard in 10th grade when he was trying to join the varsity team in basketball? That’s right, he was deemed “too short.” It is hard to believe and today it sounds funny, but this is exactly what your teachers did wrong–they can tell only what is external and rarely anything about the internal volcano that is inside you.

    Great Responsibility

    With that knowledge comes great responsibility.

    The worst thing about this pattern learned through education is that it continues in business world, and then your boss is the person giving you grades and, be honest, rarely asking about your feelings.

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    There is only one person in the world that knows how you feel when you do things. It is you who needs to take responsibility over your own strengths because only you can feel it. Do not wait until your boss guesses it, or until your partner recognize it–you have to find it yourself and be able to communicate it effectively.

    There is a secret inside you. Whenever you feel strong, stop for just one minute and contemplate about it. What is it that made you feel this way? Remember that others can only see the quality of your work, not your emotions.

    It is easy to judge other people according to the results of their work; however, their (and yours!) inner life quite often precedes the results. Let’s look at Jesus and the way he has chosen the twelve. Were they any known, great leaders? Spectacular speakers? He could see their potential before even they could see it.

    So, let me ask once again: what are your strengths?

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    More by this author

    Piotr Nabielec

    Author, CEO, Consultant

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    Published on May 18, 2021

    How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

    How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

    We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.

    The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.

    Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.

    Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.

    Listen to Understand, Not to Speak

    There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.[1]

    Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.

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    Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.

    We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.

    Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.

    A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.

    The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.

    Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event.[2] And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.

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    Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.

    Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!

    Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words

    While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.[3]

    Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.[4] When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.

    These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.

    Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.

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    Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?

    Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.

    Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.

    Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.[5] These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.

    Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.

    Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All

    As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

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    This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.

    Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.[6] Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.

    Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.

    These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.

    Actions Speak Louder Than Words

    Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

    Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.

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    Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!

    More Tips Improving Listening Skills

    Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com

    Reference

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