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Why You Need a S.M.A.R.T. Goal Refresher (or Primer)

Why You Need a S.M.A.R.T. Goal Refresher (or Primer)

The key to achieving goals is to make sure that they’re created in a defined way that makes the outcome and time frame clear, and by using the well-known S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting method, we can increase the likelihood of success. While no system is a guarantee for success, an effective strategy is a very useful tool when trying to achieve something that is important to us.

The problem is that though many of us are familiar with this method and may have even used it in the past, we often overlook it or cut corners because we’re in a hurry to get moving towards our goals. However, by these actions, we may be unwittingly undermining ourselves.

For those who are not familiar with S.M.A.R.T., this is a primer; for those who are, it’ll be a refresher.

SMART Goal Method

Specific: Goals must be very clear, not vague ideas. We often set goals that are so generic, it’s nearly impossible to measure progress or successful achievement—you need to know what has to be done, or what specifically the desired end result will be.

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POOR EXAMPLE:

  • I really want to lose weight”—Who doesn’t? What does that mean?

BETTER EXAMPLE:

  • “I will lose 20 pounds by September 1st  by performing a half-hour of cardio and half hour of strength training per day, 5 times a week.”

Measurable: Goals need to be measurable. They should be well-defined, concrete goals, and must be laid out in qualitative or quantitative terms. If there are no metrics or other way of measuring progress, it’s difficult to determine if you are making sufficient headway towards your end result. Choose a method of measurement that will allow you to gauge your progress.

POOR EXAMPLE:

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  • “I wish to be wealthy and successful so that I never have to worry about money again.”

BETTER EXAMPLE:

  • I will gross 1 million dollars and have a team of five within 5 years.”

Attainable: Goals need to be realistic and achievable. Time and again, success or failure is determined by having a realistic view of your ability to achieve your specific goal, and the best goals require you to stretch a bit to achieve, but aren’t out of reach. You should consider what resources you have and your level of skills necessary to achieve your goal. Setting goals that are not achievable can be very disheartening, and will only serve to discourage you in other aspects of your life.

POOR EXAMPLE:

  • “I hope to become a best-selling author in three months” (You never know—it could happen, but it’s highly unlikely.)

BETTER EXAMPLE:

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  • “I will increase my savings account by $10,000 in 3 years.”

Relevant: Goals must be relevant to your purpose (or your company’s.) Setting goals that are relevant will keep you on the right path to your long-term goals, and will also make certain that you stay focused on your personal vision, professional objectives, or overall strategic long-term plan in life. It also helps if the goal is related in some way to your area of expertise or knowledge, and revolves around an area in which you desire either personal or professional growth.

POOR EXAMPLE:

  • “I’d really like to network more”—Why? What does that get you? How do you plant to do so?

BETTER EXAMPLE:

  • “I will attain my Masters degree in two years so that I can attain professional certification in my field.”

Time-Sensitive: Goals need to have a time frame, milestones, and a deadline. Setting a specific period of time in which to achieve said goal will help to give you a timeline for steps needed, and a deadline for achievement. Doing this also helps you monitor your progress. Not having time constraints attached to your goal triggers procrastination: without an end date, there is no sense of urgency, no impetus to take any action today. Without this component, we are tempted to put off the goal, relegating it to the “someday,” pile—you may possibly never get around to it, or it will get lost in the shuffle of the day-to-day grind.

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For EXAMPLE:

  • “I would love to write a best-selling book.”
  • “I have always wanted to start my own business.”

Better EXAMPLE:

  • “I will write a book on financial planning and submit it to publishers 1 year from today.”
  • “I will have a retirement account with at least $500,000 within 5 years from this date.”

By taking a little extra time determining goals to ensure that they fit the S.M.A.R.T. criteria, you can not only improve your chance of success, but also in many cases make the actual attainment of the goal less of a challenge. A small dose of preparation will result in better results, smoother progress, and a higher rate of goal-achievement success.

Featured photo credit:  Young archer training with the bow via Shutterstock

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Royale Scuderi

A creative strategist, consultant and writer who specializes in cultivating human potential for happiness, health and fulfillment.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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