Advertising
Advertising

How to Make Sure that Your Conversations Communicate Successfully

How to Make Sure that Your Conversations Communicate Successfully

People sure love to talk, but what they don’t love so much is to converse; to dialog; to actually communicate. Folks are mesmerized by the sound of their own voices, and they like to interrupt and talk over each other. If they are polite, they may merely wait for their turn to talk, but talking becomes the only objective.

What about you? Are your dialogues merely parallel monologues?

Granted, it takes two to tango: if your fellow conversationalist is solely interested in telling things to you or saying things at you, you may have your work cut out for you to have an actual conversation. How can you make it happen?

Advertising

communicate successfully

    The Power of Questions

    Questions are powerful because they can be used to guide a conversation. When you ask someone a question, it initiates two beneficial things: first, it signals to them that you want to hear what they have to say, and second, it reminds you that you have to actually listen. After all, you’re the one who asked.

    For questions to create true dialog, you have to have your intent in the right place. If you really don’t care what their answer is, the question will be neutered: if you are busy thinking about what you will say next (even if it is to formulate another question) instead of caring about their response, the power is sapped away. It’s when you honestly have the objective of understanding their viewpoint and position that you open the door to actual interaction.

    Advertising

    I Tried Listening Once, but It Was Hard

    Listening without preconditions is a habit that is not instinctual—It must be formed. If you are only listening so as to refute their statements or to redirect the flow, you miss out on a powerful part of conversation.

    Like many worthwhile habits, listening might be hard at the beginning. You will likely have to exercise some self-control, and you might have to remind yourself of your objective to interact. Like anything else, however, if you just commit to some consistency in listening, it will become easier and easier until it is natural for you.

    Hey, I’m the Only One Listening Around Here!

    Having honed your listening skills, you have passed the first hurdle of successful communication and people will no doubt enjoy talking to you more. Everyone loves to be heard, but you are still seeking that elusive two-way conversation where you not only hear but are heard as well. How do you get the other party to listen? People are quite enamored with their self-interest, so if you want someone to do something, make it in their best interest to do it. In this instance, you want them to reciprocate and listen to you, so how do you make it worth their while?

    Advertising

    Let’s start by considering what doesn’t work. It doesn’t work to try to tell them what their interests are or, worse yet, should be. Back when you were asking questions and listening to their answers (remember that part?), you had the opportunity to uncover what they considered to be valuable. This is no time to make judgments about their choices—just hear what is shared, and build on that. Think about it: don’t you want to hear about things that interest you, support your beliefs, or offer potential benefits? We humans are all the same in this regard—acknowledge their desires, and they will follow you where you lead.

    Start by building on that which is familiar and desirable to them. Next, introduce something new and interesting; something that takes them to a new and better place, but keep in mind that “better” has to be better in their eyes, not just yours.

    Bit by Bit, Bite by Bite

    The process of listening and being heard cycles over and over again in successful conversations; it layers and builds. Don’t try to take on too much in one cycle or demand too much of the other person when you want your “turn”, as an ongoing exchange is the easiest path. You’ll soon find yourself engaged in listening, and enticing them to listen. Information is being exchanged and viewpoints are being expanded: you’re communicating!

    Advertising

    Once you start having actual conversations you will wonder why you ever settled for just talking at people rather than with them. You will find that others are moved and so are you; the richness of life deepens and a broader world expands before us. I’m glad we had this little chat. Aren’t you?

    Where have your conversations resulted in true communication? Tell us by commenting below.

    Featured photo credit:  Grooming Green Wing Macaw and Blue Gold Macaw Close Up via Shutterstock

    More by this author

    Recognizing the Distinction Between Blame and Responsibility Active Listening – How to Truly Listen Do You Have a Big Mission? The Difference Between Dreaming and Having Vision Is Time Your Friend or Your Enemy?

    Trending in Communication

    1 7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside 2 10 Uplifting Positive Affirmation Apps That Help You Re-Center on the Go 3 9 Self Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back from Success 4 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 5 How To Be Happy Alone and Enjoy Life

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on July 18, 2019

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

    They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

    It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

    1. They Manage Their Expectations

    They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

    2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

    Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

    3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

    Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

    Advertising

    4. They’re Not Materialistic

    There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

    5. They Don’t Dwell

    They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

    6. They Care About Themselves First

    They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

    They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

    7. They Enjoy the Little Things

    They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

    8. They Can Adapt

    They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

    Advertising

    9. They Experiment

    They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

    10. They Take Their Time

    They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

    11. They Employ Different Perspectives

    They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

    12. They Seek to Learn

    Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

    13. They Always Have a Plan

    They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

    14. They Give Respect to Get It

    They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

    Advertising

    15. They Consider Every Opportunity

    They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

    16. They Always Seek to Improve

    Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

    17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

    They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

    18. They Live in the Moment

    They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

    You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

    19. They Say Yes

    Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

    Advertising

    20. They’re Self-Aware

    Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

    We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

    Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

    Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

    Final Thoughts

    The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

    For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

    More About Happiness

    Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

    Read Next