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How to Make Sure that Your Conversations Communicate Successfully

How to Make Sure that Your Conversations Communicate Successfully

People sure love to talk, but what they don’t love so much is to converse; to dialog; to actually communicate. Folks are mesmerized by the sound of their own voices, and they like to interrupt and talk over each other. If they are polite, they may merely wait for their turn to talk, but talking becomes the only objective.

What about you? Are your dialogues merely parallel monologues?

Granted, it takes two to tango: if your fellow conversationalist is solely interested in telling things to you or saying things at you, you may have your work cut out for you to have an actual conversation. How can you make it happen?

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communicate successfully

    The Power of Questions

    Questions are powerful because they can be used to guide a conversation. When you ask someone a question, it initiates two beneficial things: first, it signals to them that you want to hear what they have to say, and second, it reminds you that you have to actually listen. After all, you’re the one who asked.

    For questions to create true dialog, you have to have your intent in the right place. If you really don’t care what their answer is, the question will be neutered: if you are busy thinking about what you will say next (even if it is to formulate another question) instead of caring about their response, the power is sapped away. It’s when you honestly have the objective of understanding their viewpoint and position that you open the door to actual interaction.

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    I Tried Listening Once, but It Was Hard

    Listening without preconditions is a habit that is not instinctual—It must be formed. If you are only listening so as to refute their statements or to redirect the flow, you miss out on a powerful part of conversation.

    Like many worthwhile habits, listening might be hard at the beginning. You will likely have to exercise some self-control, and you might have to remind yourself of your objective to interact. Like anything else, however, if you just commit to some consistency in listening, it will become easier and easier until it is natural for you.

    Hey, I’m the Only One Listening Around Here!

    Having honed your listening skills, you have passed the first hurdle of successful communication and people will no doubt enjoy talking to you more. Everyone loves to be heard, but you are still seeking that elusive two-way conversation where you not only hear but are heard as well. How do you get the other party to listen? People are quite enamored with their self-interest, so if you want someone to do something, make it in their best interest to do it. In this instance, you want them to reciprocate and listen to you, so how do you make it worth their while?

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    Let’s start by considering what doesn’t work. It doesn’t work to try to tell them what their interests are or, worse yet, should be. Back when you were asking questions and listening to their answers (remember that part?), you had the opportunity to uncover what they considered to be valuable. This is no time to make judgments about their choices—just hear what is shared, and build on that. Think about it: don’t you want to hear about things that interest you, support your beliefs, or offer potential benefits? We humans are all the same in this regard—acknowledge their desires, and they will follow you where you lead.

    Start by building on that which is familiar and desirable to them. Next, introduce something new and interesting; something that takes them to a new and better place, but keep in mind that “better” has to be better in their eyes, not just yours.

    Bit by Bit, Bite by Bite

    The process of listening and being heard cycles over and over again in successful conversations; it layers and builds. Don’t try to take on too much in one cycle or demand too much of the other person when you want your “turn”, as an ongoing exchange is the easiest path. You’ll soon find yourself engaged in listening, and enticing them to listen. Information is being exchanged and viewpoints are being expanded: you’re communicating!

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    Once you start having actual conversations you will wonder why you ever settled for just talking at people rather than with them. You will find that others are moved and so are you; the richness of life deepens and a broader world expands before us. I’m glad we had this little chat. Aren’t you?

    Where have your conversations resulted in true communication? Tell us by commenting below.

    Featured photo credit:  Grooming Green Wing Macaw and Blue Gold Macaw Close Up via Shutterstock

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    Last Updated on November 15, 2018

    Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

    Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

    What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

    As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

    The Success Mindset

    Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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    The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

    The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

    The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

    How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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    How To Create a Success Mindset

    People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

    1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

    How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

    A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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    There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

    2. Look For The Successes

    It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

    3. Eliminate Negativity

    You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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    When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

    4. Create a Vision

    Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

    If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

    An Inspirational Story…

    For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

    What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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