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Listen to the “Good” Feedback at Work

Listen to the “Good” Feedback at Work
    Feedback Experiment from Sune P on flickr

    You received glowingly positive comments about your presentation from several colleagues, but when one person said something critical, you obsessed about that comment for days and ignored all of the positive feedback.

    Does this sound familiar?

     Beware of Cognitive Distortions

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    In the mid-twentieth century, renowned psychologists Albert Ellis and David Burns popularized the notion of cognitive distortions, or exaggerated thoughts and irrational beliefs that make us feel badly.

    One such distortion is the mental filter, in which you pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it, so that your vision of all of reality becomes darkened.

    Another related distortion is known as discounting the positive. You reject positive experiences by insisting they don’t count. If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn’t good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positive makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

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    Both distortions are at work in the person who lets positive feedback go in one ear and promptly out the other.

    In the case of cognitive distortions, you are your own worst enemy. Things might be going better than you think, but because you have set yourself up to focus on the negative, your work situation seems hopeless and doomed.

    Here are some recommendations for prompting your mind to listen to, actually hear, and properly process positive feedback from colleagues:

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    Tune into Your Awareness

    Over the next week or two, pay attention to the situations and comments that automatically instigate an emotion. Jot down your thoughts about these events. At the end of the monitoring period, look at the tone of what you’ve written. Have you recorded mostly negative thoughts and feelings, as in: “I was annoyed when John didn’t use my statistics in the meeting”?

    Note if anything positive happened in addition to the negative, as in: “Though my statistics weren’t used, the meeting participants were asking me questions about the project instead of John, so obviously they knew I was the expert.”

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    Record the Positive

    Every time you receive a piece of positive feedback, either in person, through e-mail, or secondhand, write it down. For the next two weeks, keep a running list of every detail that reflects well on your performance. Your list might look something like this:

    • “Sara had no changes to my communications memo.”
    • “Ken sent an e-mail thanking me for putting together a great client meeting.”
    • “Eric told me the team would be lost if it wasn’t for me keeping an eye on the details.”
    • “Bethany overheard the executive director saying that I was in the running to accompany him to the conference.”

    Accept Compliments

    We tend to brush off compliments in a variety of ways. We might deflect praise to others when we really deserve it ourselves. We also might chalk up the good outcome to luck, or tell the person giving the compliment that we were “just doing our job” or that “it was nothing.” In addition to being unfair to ourselves, this reaction makes the other person feel silly because we are refuting their honest opinion.

    Instead of allowing compliments to fly immediately into the wind, own them. Accept that you did something worthy of praise and should be recognized for it. Politely and assertively say “thank you” and resist the urge to be embarrassed or utter something that totally negates the thanks.  Then, add the compliment to your positive feedback journal, which you should keep in a handy place for quick reference on those dark days when negativity threatens to envelop you.

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    Last Updated on August 15, 2018

    When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

    When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

    Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

    Video Summary

    1. You will be more focused.

      Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

      2. You will be more active.

        Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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        3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

          Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

          4. You will be more creative.

            Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

            5. Your schedule will be your own.

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              Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

              6. You will likely save money.

                Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

                7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                  Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                  8. You will have more time for your family.

                    Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                    9. You have more time for your friends.

                      Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                      10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                        Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                        11. You'll find more interests.

                          Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                          12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                            Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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