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Interview with Steve Pavlina

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Interview with Steve Pavlina

If you like to read personal development blogs and articles, you must have read Steve Pavlina’s blog. His posts like How to Give Up Coffee and How to Become an Early Riser are definitely popular among the self-development blogs. He started his first business, Dexterity Software when he was 22 years old. Now he has moved on his career on writing about personal development. His life is very organized and I am interested what created a man like him. So I prepared a few interesting questions and organized a time to interview Steve.

Steve Pavlina Photo

    Lifehack.org: Would you tell me more about yourself? I read from your About page that you were in game publishing, and now you have moved to writing and speaking full-time on personal development. What makes the change of career?

    Steve Pavlina: I’ve had a long-time passion for personal growth which pre-dates my game publishing business. In fact, I started the games business in 1994 largely because I wanted a challenge.

    As I ran the games business, I began writing articles on game development topics. I wrote a couple dozen articles to help fellow game developers, and I also spoke at industry conferences. Over time these articles became more motivational in nature, and I soon learned that people who didn’t even work in the gaming industry were coming to my site to read them. In the long run, I found I enjoyed writing and speaking more than developing and publishing games, mainly because I saw that I was providing more value to others.

    I started the games business when I was 22 years old. At age 33 after publishing about two dozen games, I had accomplished much of what I had originally set out to do. Plus I had grown a lot and wanted to do something more meaningful than putting out entertainment products. At first I tried to stretch the business to grow along with me, but it was the wrong kind of medium for that and was holding me back. I realized the best thing would be to transition to a whole new career, one that would be based around my interest in personal growth and my increasing desire to contribute.

    I did a lot of self-assessment and planning to figure out what kind of career would suit me best. I didn’t want something that would be inflexible, since I was concerned I’d outgrow it too quickly. So I opted to build an information business based around writing and professional speaking on personal development. I felt this would be much harder for me to outgrow, since I could always adapt the topics as I grew older.

    Lifehacks: From the older articles on “Do it now” and “How to get more done in less time”, to the recent “Self-discipline” and “The meaning of life”, I must say you are pretty good at personal development. How do you get your material to write all those articles?

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    Steve: Presently I average at least 1-2 hours a day soaking up new ideas. This includes reading books, articles, and blogs (including lifehack.org); listening to audio programs; going to seminars and club meetings; and asking questions of people more knowledgeable than me.

    I estimate I’ve read about 600 books and listened to dozens of audio programs on some aspect of personal development.

    These sources give me plenty of ideas — every day I’m taking in far more ideas than I can possibly share with others.

    I have no interest in regurgitating ideas from these sources though because then I’m not producing any new value. So I focus on making new connections that other people haven’t already figured out (or at least I’m unaware that they have). This usually results in me going through many perspective shifts — I think about old ideas in new ways and find links between them that I never saw before. If I think the ideas have merit (usually meaning that they’ve worked for me), I turn them into articles or speeches to share with others.

    I keep flooding my brain with new ideas on a variety of different subjects because I’m constantly looking to form these new connections. I’m always asking questions such as: What’s the connection between self-discipline and motivation? What’s the relationship between selfishness and selflessness? What would an optimal time management system look like, given the way human beings actually behave under real-world conditions? Why is procrastinate such a difficult problem for people; are we perhaps looking at it the wrong way?

    Lifehacks: Like “The meaning of life” series, you are able to deliver heavy content article everyday with quality. Are there any quick writing skill tips you want to share to lifehack.org readers?

    Steve: I average about 3-5 new articles per week, but I definitely don’t write every day. I do have some tips to share though.

    1) Keep your ideas ahead of your writing. I maintain an ideas list for new blog entries on my PC. It currently has over 40 ideas listed, any of which could be developed into a new article. Whenever I come up with a new idea or receive a suggestion via email, I add it to this list. If the list ever drops below 20, I’d do a brainstorming session to bring it back up again. Having an abundance of ideas means that I’m never stuck trying to think of a topic.

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    2) Invite topic suggestions from readers. A few weeks ago, I made a “Suggest a Topic” post and received lots of suggestions for future topics. This also helped me see which topics were in the highest demand, so I could bump those to the top of my list. For example, I received many suggestions for an article about self-discipline, so I wrote a six-part series on that topic.

    3) Write articles in batches and set them to post throughout the week. I often write a week’s worth of articles on the weekend and then set them to be posted at various times throughout the week. This is easy to do with WordPress. This allows me to do my blogging in a single session each week while readers see a steady flow of new posts. It also allows me to capitalize on creative bursts while giving myself a break. So even though visitors might see a new post every day one week, it’s possible that I’ve taken six days off from blogging during that time.

    4) Write first, then edit. Writing a new article is like giving birth. Just get the thing out first, and worry about cleaning up the mess afterwards. I often write a very sloppy first draft just to capture all the ideas, then I set it aside for an hour or a day and make another editing pass. I find that writing and editing at the same time is very slow. When I write I want to get all the ideas out of my head. When I edit I improve the structure of those ideas and make them comprehensible.

    Lifehacks: Besides writing articles for your blog, what else are you doing during your normal day?

    Steve: I work at home, so on a typical day, I get up at 5:00am, get dressed, and exercise (normally running or weight training) for 30-45 minutes. Then I shower, connect with my wife, and have breakfast. At 6:30 I start my workday while my wife handles the kids and takes our daughter to preschool. I spend the morning writing (blog entries, articles, speeches, or my book), and then I check blog comments. At noon I have lunch and feed my son (who’s almost 2). Then I usually work on other projects in the afternoon, like improving the web site, marketing, reading, etc. My son is playing in my office during this time, so it’s harder to do creative work like writing. At 3:30pm I pick up my daughter from preschool (she’s in summer school now), and then from 3:45 until about 5-6pm, I handle my routine tasks like email, checking my stats, processing my inbox, filing, and planning my next day. Then my family and I have dinner together, and my wife and I spend time with the kids and put them to bed. In the evening I’ll read, go to Toastmasters meetings, spend time with my wife, play games, work on personal projects, or sometimes run errands. Yesterday was the 4th of July, so last night we all went to a nearby park with a great view of the Las Vegas Strip and watched the fireworks. I usually go to bed around 10-11pm.

    Lifehacks: Would you tell me more about the book you are writing? What sort of topics are you writing?

    Steve: The book is called Personal Development for Smart People. This is for people who seek a deep understanding of how they can grow and improve as human beings, not those seeking simplistic solutions to complex problems.

    Mainly the book is about how to take conscious control over the different parts of your life in order to improve your results across the board — better health, better relationships, a better career, etc. The chapters are organized conceptually, so each chapter dives deeply into a particular concept and then explains how to apply it to the various parts of your life. I include plenty of personal stories and examples.

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    For instance, there’s a whole chapter on courage. This is a subject that I feel has been terribly overlooked today, yet it’s essential for personal growth. This chapter explains why courage is so important and how you can build your courage. Fear holds people back far more than they realize, and courage is the antidote. But most people don’t even know it’s possible for them to become braver, nor do they have any idea of how to do so intelligently. What could greater courage do for your relationships, your career, your finances, your self-esteem?

    Other topics include perception, self-discipline, focus, motivation, emotions, action, and purpose. Again, these are all high-level concepts, so each chapter begins with something very abstract and drills down to the level of practical application and real-world results.

    Most personal development books I’ve read don’t take a conceptual approach. They typically use either a topical or a chronological structure. For example, you might see a book with chapters on health, relationships, career, money, etc. I opted not to write a book like that because I think it’s more important that people understand and master the high-level tools of personal development and learn how to apply them to different areas. I want people to understand why something works and understand the logic behind it, so they’ll have good reason to apply it. It also forces me to explain why I expect a certain approach to work from the top down.

    If you understand the concepts, you can take conscious control of your own personal growth. If I teach you a way to make more money, that’s not going to help you directly improve your health or your relationships or your spiritual growth. And someday that method of making money may become obsolete anyway, or it might not even work for you. But if I can show you a way to build your self-discipline, that can benefit you in every area of your life, and the benefits will be permanent.

    Lifehacks: In your recent article of “Six months of Goal-mongering”, you have categorized your accomplishments through Physical, Work/Career, Toastmasters/Speaking, Mental/Skill-Building, Social, Financial and Personal/Home. How are those aspects affecting your life? Which one would be the most critical aspect for your success in life? How do you manage all those different tasks together?

    Steve: I think all these areas are important. If I put any of them ahead of the others, my life would be out of balance. But since my primary value is growth, you’ll notice that the areas represent different aspects of my own growth, so that’s the guiding force behind them.

    I’ve written previously about how I manage these different goals. I maintain a Personal Accountability System to keep myself focused.

    And I also use a heavily modified version of David Allen’s Getting Things Done system to manage my goals, projects, and tasks as explained in this article – More on planning.

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    Lifehacks: What are your future plans on your home page?

    Steve: My short-term plans include adding more free content and releasing my book. Long-term I intend to add more books, audio content, and probably some video as well. I’m keeping my long-term plans flexible because as technologies like podcasting and RSS mature, unforeseen opportunities may arise, and I don’t want to be stuck with overly rigid goals. The main goal of the site will remain the same — to be a strong resource for those who want to take conscious control of their lives. But the precise media involved are likely to evolve considerably over the next several years.

    Lifehacks: Besides writing your book, do you have other projects coming up on your plate?

    Steve: Yes. My book is my primary project, but I have two large secondary projects. The first has been the most visible — building StevePavlina.com’s content and growing it’s traffic. The site is loaded with free content now, and traffic has increased 600% over the past six months, so that’s been going well.

    The other significant secondary project is launching myself into professional speaking. I’ve spent over a year just building my skill in this area. I’m also learning the business side of speaking to prepare myself for going pro.

    I’m keeping my project options open for after the book is done. If it sells well, I’m likely to develop an audio program based on the same material. But I’ll decide which primary project to tackle next after the book is released and I get feedback from the readers.

    Lifehacks: Thanks for your time, Steve. It is my pleasure to interview you. Looking forward to your book and more articles in your blog.

    Steve: Thank you, Leon. And keep up with the great work with Lifehack.org!

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    About Steve Pavlina
    Steve Pavlina’s Blog

    More by this author

    Leon Ho

    Founder of Lifehack

    Book summary: A Technique for Producing Ideas 10 Ways to Extend Laptop Battery Life Bob Parsons on His 16 Rules for Survival Free note taking templates and techniques Fifty Essential Topics on Economics

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    Last Updated on January 5, 2022

    How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

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    How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

    We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

    Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

    Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

    Expressing Anger

    Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

    Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

    Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

    Being Passive-Aggressive

    This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

    Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

    This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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    Poorly-Timed

    Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

    An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

    Ongoing Anger

    Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

    Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

    Healthy Ways to Express Anger

    What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

    Being Honest

    Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

    Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

    Being Direct

    Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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    Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

    Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

    Being Timely

    When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

    Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

    Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

    How to Deal With Anger

    If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

    1. Slow Down

    From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

    In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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    When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

    2. Focus on the “I”

    Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

    When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

    3. Work out

    When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

    Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

    Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

    4. Seek Help When Needed

    There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

    5. Practice Relaxation

    We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

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    That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

    Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

    6. Laugh

    Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

    7. Be Grateful

    It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

    Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

    Final Thoughts

    Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

    During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

    Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

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    More Resources on Anger Management

    Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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