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How to Write (in a thousand words or less)

How to Write (in a thousand words or less)

How to Write

    I’ve written about editing, eliminating distractions, getting started – it’s time to get down to basics. Too many people don’t know how to write. Period. Yeah, they can make marks on paper, but when it comes to making a clear, compelling, and meaningful statement, especially one more than 140 characters long, they fail.

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    So here, in no particular order, are 17 ways to make your marks on paper as good as they can be.

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    1. Write naturally. Not necessarily how you talk – speaking and writing are separate crafts and are processed differently by the brain – but using a tone and language that is natural to who you are. Avoid “university words” (even if you’re in a university) and jargon (unless among peers).
    2. Have a plan. Outline if you can, but at the least make sure you know where you’re going and how you intend to get there. Don’t ramble on hoping your reader will put it all together in the end. They won’t get to the end.
    3. Use active, forceful verbs. Use verbs that convey action, movement, and purpose; avoid verbs that are passive and simply indicate existence or equivalence (e.g. “Our company is a leading manufacturer of…” vs. “Our company leads in the manufacture of…”). Never use a verb in a sentence that you wouldn’t do. For example, if you wouldn’t “interface” with a business partner, don’t write it.
    4. Avoid adverbs. Adverbs are words that modify the verb. If you’ve used a strong, active verb, you don’t need to modify it. While you’ll have to use adverbs occasionally, most of the time you should strike the adverb and choose a better verb.
    5. Be for something or against something. As in life, people avoid standing for something in their writing. They often seem to use language that, in a way, would tend to imply that they are perfectly ok with whatever opinion you might be comfortable with. Boooo-riiiing! Take a stand, build an argument, and convince your reader that you’re right.
    6. Cut “think”, “seems”, “believe”, and other opinion words. This goes along with the last point, but there’s more to it than just hemming and hawing. Too often, people write their opinions, which you should be convincing me of, not using to support your argument. Don’t tell me what you think, believe, or disagree with, tell me what you know.
    7. Write for people. Don’t write for some generic audience "out there", and for the sake of all that is holy don’t write for search engines. Picture the person, real or imagined, you want to read and be moved by your writing, and write for that person.
    8. Be present. I don’t mean you have to write in the first-person (though that’s not as bad as your high school teachers led you to believe), but there should be a sense of you the writer in your work, of your humanity and passion for your subject.
    9. Don’t be clever. Unless you’re writing something intended to be witty — a greeting card or joke to begin a speech with, for example — avoid clever turns of phrase that make you feel smart. Here’s what will happen: 1 or 2% of your readers will say "Oh, that’s clever. See what they did?", 50% won’t notice at all, and 48% won’t get it. I’m being generous here.
    10. Hook ’em early. Start with the headline, which should say why I should read this. Then write a strong introduction that draws your reader in and makes them want to read on. Tell a story, make a bold statement, offer up a surprising fact. Don’t open with "According to Wikipedia…" or "According to Webster’s…". YAWN!
    11. Use topic sentences. Every paragraph should clearly say what it’s about. The topic sentence might not be the first sentence — it might even be the last sentence, or the first part of the third sentence. But somewhere in the paragraph there should be a line that, taken on its own, says what the paragraph is about.
    12. Have a conclusion. People fuss a lot over introductions, and slack on conclusions. Tell your reader why they bothered to read your piece. Remember, the conclusion is the part your reader is going away with — make it count. 
    13. Explain yourself. Never assume your reader agrees with you. If you say someone’s bad because he barbecues puppies, you’d better explain why barbecuing puppies is a bad thing. Maybe your reader thinks puppies are delicious and nutritious — can you afford for that reader to completely miss the intent of your writing?
    14. Have a trusted reader. Whenever possible, get your work read by someone you trust to be honest with you. Listen intently to their responses, even when your reader tries to blunt their critique. For example, if they say they didn’t get a part, but that’s probably because they didn’t know anything about the topic, you need to rewrite that part so that, even knowing nothing about the subject, they do get it.
    15. Let it rest. Never write up to a deadline. Allow your writing at least a few hours, a day or two if you can, before you come back to it. You’ll be surprised how much cruft you find when you approach your writing with fresh eyes.
    16. Cut, cut, cut. You’ve been told that a piece of writing should be exactly as long as it needs to be to get its point across. That’s wrong – it should be half that long. There is no piece of writing, except the published work of the greatest authors, that couldn’t benefit from a savage reduction in length. Concision counts.
    17. Rewrite. You’ll break all these rules in your first draft. That’s why it’s called a “first” and not “only” draft. Writers just don’t get it right the first time – cut, cut, cut and rework your text into a lean, tight, and clear piece of work.

    Any other tips for writing? Let us know in the comments.

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    Last Updated on July 15, 2020

    How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

    How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

    “Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

    It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

    A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

    When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

    You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

    Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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    Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

    You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

    Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

    1. Recognize the Red Flags

    Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

    Red flags can include:

    • They always put themselves first.
    • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
    • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
    • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
    • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
    • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
    • You are the villain; they are the victim.
    • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
    • They may engage in abuse.

    2. Set Boundaries

    There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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    You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

    There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

    You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

    3. Invest in Yourself

    You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

    This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

    Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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    It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

    4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

    There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

    If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

    If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

    If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

    Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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    Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

    Final Thoughts

    Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

    If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

    If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

    Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

    If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

    More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

    Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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