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How to Take Control of Your Happiness

How to Take Control of Your Happiness

Happiness is often considered as our birth right, and we ensure that we die happy and fulfilled. It is often the case that we are continuously bombarded with the idea that happiness is the ultimate, and almost all self-help experts develop, share, and market their tools and techniques to make us happy. The problem with these tools is that they limit our choices in life. Read any self-help book and you will find words like “great vacations, financial freedom, excellent relationships, nice big home, sky jets,” etc. and they are portrayed as the signposts of our happiness. If our neighbor or our friends or the world at large can see those signposts, we are happy and content. Most of us have set standards for happiness and if those standards are not met we feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

Universal truths often don’t have any opposites and they do not change. Luckily, happiness is not considered as one of the universal truths because its opposites are sorrow and sadness. If we seek happiness, we must be prepared to also experience sorrow and sadness. When the external source of our happiness is removed, we often feel badly about ourselves and start even to curse ourselves because subconsciously we believe that we have engaged ourselves into actions that could not bring us happiness.

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Joy on the other hand is the universal truth — if you are in joy, you can laugh and laugh on for hours and that too without any reason. The source of our joy is our inner-self because when in joy, we often remain detached from our external environment and just enjoy those blissful moments. We do not need any therapists or experts to make us joyous — to be in joy is the real ultimate for all of us. It is our basic nature to remain happy and blissful.

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One of the best ways to experience the joy has been designed and developed by Institute of Heart Math. The technique is really simple and can put you in extreme joy if you continue to practice it, regardless of whether you are poor or rich, satisfied or not. Heart Coherence is based upon the simple principle of using the power of our heart to invoke emotions within us that can us make us happy and joyful. It uses the power of our heart and puts it above our rational and thinking mind to redirect our emotional state to a more positive and optimistic nature.

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Here is how to do it:

  1. Focus on your heart and start to breath in 6 seconds cycles — inhale for 5-6 seconds and exhale for 5-6 seconds. Our heart is in the center of our chest so focus on the center of your chest and imagine your heart expanding with your breathing cycle.
  2. Continue to do so and when you start to establish this rhythm, shift your focus on your heart in the center of your chest. Imagine as if you are breathing from your heart and synchronize this focus with your breathing.
  3. When you achieve this, just imagine any happy moment from your life and feel the intense happiness of that moment. Supplement that moment with the joy and allow the joy to be downloaded into your heart — feel that joy is being downloaded into your heart. Allow the joy to naturally fulfill each cell. Don’t force anything. Just focus on and enjoy the subtle happiness in your heart.
  4. Continue to do it for at least 15 minutes a day, and believe me, you will never be the same person again — you will be free from the false notions of happiness and will continue to experience JOY.
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Adnan Manzoor

Data Analyst & Life Coach

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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