Advertising
Advertising

How to Quickly Improve Your Ability to Make Small Talk

How to Quickly Improve Your Ability to Make Small Talk

Small talk can be difficult. If you’re introverted, shy, or you feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers at a party or conference it can quickly become a stressful situation. Sometimes you will stand in silence and try to avoid eye contact just so that you don’t have to make conversation.

Luckily for you, there’s a technique to help guide you through these awkward moments and help you to build an initial conversation so that you can try to establish relationships for the future.

Advertising

The FORM small talk trick

F.O.R.M stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Money. The idea is that these 4 topics can open up a conversation easily and help you to discover more about the person with whom you are talking. That way you can delve into topics of conversation that involve shared interest topics. Generally speaking, people like to talk about their life. They feel more important when you are asking questions about them — and it helps to keep the conversation flow. This, in turn, makes them feel more at ease and relaxed.

Let’s break down the F.O.R.M. acronym, shall we?

Advertising

  • F-amily: Do you have kids? Where is your family from? How long have you lived around here? Then you can elaborate and tell them about yours.
  • O-ccupation: What do you do for a living?  What is that like?  Have you always been a scuba diving parachutist? You can compare notes about the similarities and differences in your jobs.
  • R-ecreation: What do you do for fun?  How long have you been involved in birdwatching? Ask them what they do outside of work for fun. Sports, hobbies, favourite website, TV shows, movies…find out what you have in common.
  • M-oney:  What happened with the price of gas? How do you think the new liquor store laws will shake out? Anything that is current news and falls into neutral territory is fair game.

The beauty of F.O.R.M. is that it can be adapted to your needs because you can change what it stands for. Alternatives could be “motivation” instead of “money”; the discussion can then shift away from finance. “Media” is another alternative — you can talk about what’s happening in the media world.

In fact, you could change any of the 4 topic areas. O could be for Olympics (especially if an Olympic Games will be happening soon), or R could be reading, where you could talk about what you’ve read recently.

Advertising

You should be able to have a great initial conversation around these 4 questions — and, of course, these same questions can be revisited again in the future to form the basis of future conversations.

(Update: Now that you can start a conversation try these tips to keep the conversation going)

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Two friends enjoying a chat and a hot drink together via Shutterstock

More by this author

Hoi Wan

Hoi is a mobilist who blogs about technology trends and productivity.

32 Inspirational Songs that Keep You Motivated for Life How to Use the S.M.A.R.T. Approach to Achieve Your Resolutions Vitamins Cheat Sheet: What They Do and Good Food Sources [Infographic] Nutrition: Minerals Cheat Sheet & Food Sources [Infographic] The Best Body Hacks You Should Know About

Trending in Communication

1 Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses 2 11 Red Flags in a Relationship Not To Ignore 3 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 4 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 5 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

Advertising

“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

Advertising

It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

Advertising

It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

Read Next