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How to Improve Your Relationship with a Weekly Review

How to Improve Your Relationship with a Weekly Review
How to Improve Your Relationship with a Weekly Review

One of the big complaints that people trying to get themselves more organized and productive have is that no matter how on-the-ball they get, their family still throws them curve balls. While it’s clearly insane to expect a 6-year-old to start worrying about todo lists and ubiquitous capture, I think at least part of the problem lies with our attitudes and expectations about our home life. Home is supposed to be a respite, a sanctuary from the pressures of work and public life, and I think that makes us a little hesitant to apply some of the principles at home that we know work for us in our professional lives.

One thing we can easily apply to our home life is the weekly review. The idea was planted in my head by a comment Jonathan Fields made when I interviewed him on Lifehack Live. I had asked him how he takes care of his relationship with his wife, who he works with both as a business partner and as an employee of a major client. Jonathan suggested something like a weekly review, a regular meeting with his wife to go over their plans and processes and see what needed work. A comment made by David Allen in some material I received from DavidCo (which I’ll be reviewing in greater depth here soon) gave the idea greater weight — Allen recommends taking an hour or two to do a weekly review with your spouse, though he doesn’t elaborate very much.

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What would such a review look like? We have lots of great advice, from Allen and others, on how to do a personal weekly review — collect “open loops”, process your inbox, review your lists, review your calendar, and so on. It makes sense in a workplace setting where you have clear “buckets” to collect things in and clear objectives that have to be met. In a family setting, where things can be a lot fuzzier around the edges, what would be a workable weekly review?

Here’s what I came up with. It’s a good idea to set up a family binder or notebook to keep track of this stuff while you do the review — or else, just make sure that whatever system you each use already is at hand and ready to be added to. Schedule an hour or two when you’re both at home (maybe on a weekend morning?) to:

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  • Gather loose ends: With your spouse or partner, collect bills, statements, slips from school, letters, etc. and dump them into some kind of inbox, even if it’s temporary. It’s not a bad idea to set up a basket or tray where all this stuff goes. But as long as there are children, pets, and gremlins haunting your house, be prepared to do some gathering.
  • Process your inbox: Go through everything together and decide what action needs to be done. Write it down — I suggest you set up a family calendar with space for notes (to put a todo list on) and add tasks either into the calendar (on the day you plan to do them) or in the notes area (for non-date-specific tasks).
  • Empty your head: Talk to each other about things that have gone wrong over the past week, things that you’re struggling with, things you’d like to do, and so on. Share. Here are some triggers:
    1. What went wrong over the past week?
    2. What did you particularly enjoy that you’d like to do more of? (meals, activities, TV shows, trips out, etc.)
    3. How are you each handling your respective household duties?
    4. What is coming up that you need to be prepared for?
    5. What kind of help do you need from your partner?
    6. What issues in the house have been occupying your thoughts lately? (problems with kids, repairs needed, messiness)
    7. What’s going on at work, or coming up at work, that could affect your family life?

    This is where the two-person review is dramatically different from a solo review. You might want to have both of you prepare for this beforehand. You also both need to commit to toal honesty and to constructive response. This isn’t a time to criticize each other; it’s a time to be open about what’s bothering you, with an eye towards fixing it.

  • Review projects and actions: Write down any projects that you need or want to do: upcoming vacations, household repairs or remodeling, car repairs, school performances or meetings, doctor’s appointments, etc. Figure out a plan of action for each, and decide who is going to take care of each action.
  • Review checklists: It’s a good idea to make up checklists for anything you do with any frequency. The most obvious is a shopping list — I have a single list, organized by store aisle, with the items we buy most frequently (and spaces for additions). We decide what we’re going to make in the upcoming week (I should have a checklist for that, too!) and go through the shopping list, cross out anything we don’t need, and add anything unusual. Other checklists could include:
    • Travel and packing (if you travel frequently for work)
    • Monthly and quarterly household maintenance (change AC/heater filters, check outside lights, reset thermostats, test smoke detectors, etc.)
    • Birthdays and holidays
    • Health (doctor’s and dentist’s appointments, pets shots, prescription refills, etc.)
    • Chores (both adults’ and kids’)

    Check your lists to make sure everything that needs to be taken care of gets taken care of,

  • Dream time: Discuss long-term future plans. Maybe you want to take a vacation — where should you go? Maybe you want to redo the backyard? Or maybe you’d like to change jobs, or careers? This is for someday/maybe-type stuff — think of things that you’re not ready to commit to but that would be nice. This lets you start incubating the idea and making plans, together. Give yourself free rein, here — this is where you’re bringing your and your partner’s wishes into harmony.
  • Last look-over: Review your waiting-for list (if you have one) and any other material to make sure there are no other actions you need to capture.
  • Be creative and courageous: This is straight out of GTD — what “new, wonderful, hare-brained, creative, thought-provoking, risk-taking ideas” can you come up with?

I find in my own relationship that the hardest part is not working out the compromises that keep things running but keeping both of us on more or less the same page. Most people today have very different lives from their partners as far as their primary occupation is concerned; unless we work hard to keep each other in the loop, it’s easy to grow out of touch, to make wrong assumptions, to let little resentments grow into major problems.

A weekly review gives you a safe space to air all those little maladjustments before they turn into big problems. They also help you and your partner to better anticipate what’s coming up, so that neither of your plans are thrown out of whack when the other does something new. And because you’re working together, you’ll be better able to face the truly unexpected — the trip to the emergency room when a child is hurt, the sudden business trip, a death in the family, etc. — comes along.

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Most importantly, though, you’ll be acting as partners, sharing the important work of maintaining and expanding a relationship. You’ll be expressing and reaffirming your commitment to making your relationship stronger — and doing the work that allows that to happen. And what could be better than that?

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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