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How to Deal with Annoying People

How to Deal with Annoying People

Imagine a gorgeous summer day. You have the day off and you’ve just settled into a wonderfully comfy chair on your back deck, coffee nearby, newspaper in hand. You are only two paragraphs into the front page article when someone starts to splash you. Water is coming from somewhere else in the back yard — probably the swimming pool, you realize — and it’s landing on you in spurts and waves. You ignore it; whoever it is will probably stop when he/she sees that you aren’t reacting. The splashing continues. Now this is getting a little annoying. Some water is getting into your coffee! More splashing. The water is making your newspaper soggy! How dare they!

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    You finally turn, ready to berate whoever is doing all the splashing. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been horribly wrong — the person splashing you is drowning, and what you perceived as intentional interference was them trying to stay on the surface and breathe.

    I relate this little parable to illustrate a point: most people who are annoying are actually “drowning.” They are drowning in some pain from their past, or from something they are experiencing here and now. Here are 3 keys to help you deal with these annoying people.

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    1. It’s not your job to determine what is making them drown.

    A lifeguard doesn’t stop to analyze why someone is going down, he just responds to save their life. The same goes for you — you don’t have to analyze the person who is annoying you to figure out what his/her issues are. That’s not your job. If you are being annoying to someone else — let’s face it, we all know when we are — then you’d best get to work and figure out what is going on in your head. Don’t be afraid to face whatever you find — bringing it to light automatically lets some of the air out of its tires, so to speak.

    2. You don’t have to save them.

    Just like in a real emergency, sometimes, the best thing to do is call 9-1-1 and stand by. You wouldn’t try to be a lifeguard if you can’t swim or do the job of a paramedic, would you? We’ve all heard how a drowning person can push his rescuer under. The annoying person in your life might need professional help. By all means, if they are suicidal, don’t leave them alone and do call for help (9-1-1 or a suicide hotline), but if they are just being annoying and you feel like it’s more than you can deal with, you absolutely have the right to walk away. They are only hurting you because they are hurting, and it isn’t necessarily your job to intervene. You may need to protect or distance yourself — set some boundaries — so you don’t get “pushed under.”

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    How you respond obviously depends on your relationship with the annoyer. If they are a mere acquaintance or a stranger, you might not do anything at all. Since they aren’t literally drowning, just let them splash — why waste energy being offended? If they are your customer or client, then it’s most likely your job to find out what is wrong and try to fix it. If you are in a relationship with the annoying one, then you will probably want to throw them a line (depending on the nature of the relationship). If your spouse or child is the one doing the splashing — pushing your buttons and ticking you off — see what you can do to help. Read on.

    3. If you have decided to help, give immediate assistance first.

    Lifeguards know that when a person is sinking to the bottom of the ocean, that’s not the time to try to teach him/her how to swim. Get them to the surface and save their life. Swimming lessons come later, and will probably be taught by someone other than the lifeguard.

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    Your job as spouse — this is what you signed up for when you said “I do” — is to give essential help to your annoying spouse in the form of loving attention.Your significant other is probably splashing you because he/she feels neglected or unloved — like you haven’t been listening or that you don’t care.

    1. Take a deep breath, get past the annoyance of their actions and remember that you love this person and the best way to help is to show it.
    2. Stop what you’re doing and listen. Let them know you care.
    3. Now is not the time to bombard them with advice on their issues or analyze their faults.

    The above is equally true for children; when you became a parent, it also became your job to make that little person feel loved. It’s easier when they are babies compared to toddlers or teenagers! I have heard that 90% of the time, little children (age 1 – 4) cry because they feel disconnected from their parent(s). I’m sure the same is true for older kids, just replace “cry” with “act out.”

    I can’t tell you specifically how to make that important person in your life feel loved or what the best form of attention may be, but I am sure that if you think about it now, when they aren’t annoying you, you can think of a few ways. Keep those ways in mind for the next time your buttons get pushed and, after that crucial deep breath, put them into use!

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    Last Updated on August 12, 2019

    13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

    13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

    Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

    Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

    1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

    Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

    2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

    They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

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    3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

    Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

    4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

    You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

    5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

    Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

    6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

    They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

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    7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

    Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

    However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

    8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

    Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

    9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

    Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

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    10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

    Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

    11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

    Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

    They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

    12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

    Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

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    13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

    Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

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    Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

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