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How to Deal with Annoying People

How to Deal with Annoying People

Imagine a gorgeous summer day. You have the day off and you’ve just settled into a wonderfully comfy chair on your back deck, coffee nearby, newspaper in hand. You are only two paragraphs into the front page article when someone starts to splash you. Water is coming from somewhere else in the back yard — probably the swimming pool, you realize — and it’s landing on you in spurts and waves. You ignore it; whoever it is will probably stop when he/she sees that you aren’t reacting. The splashing continues. Now this is getting a little annoying. Some water is getting into your coffee! More splashing. The water is making your newspaper soggy! How dare they!

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    You finally turn, ready to berate whoever is doing all the splashing. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been horribly wrong — the person splashing you is drowning, and what you perceived as intentional interference was them trying to stay on the surface and breathe.

    I relate this little parable to illustrate a point: most people who are annoying are actually “drowning.” They are drowning in some pain from their past, or from something they are experiencing here and now. Here are 3 keys to help you deal with these annoying people.

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    1. It’s not your job to determine what is making them drown.

    A lifeguard doesn’t stop to analyze why someone is going down, he just responds to save their life. The same goes for you — you don’t have to analyze the person who is annoying you to figure out what his/her issues are. That’s not your job. If you are being annoying to someone else — let’s face it, we all know when we are — then you’d best get to work and figure out what is going on in your head. Don’t be afraid to face whatever you find — bringing it to light automatically lets some of the air out of its tires, so to speak.

    2. You don’t have to save them.

    Just like in a real emergency, sometimes, the best thing to do is call 9-1-1 and stand by. You wouldn’t try to be a lifeguard if you can’t swim or do the job of a paramedic, would you? We’ve all heard how a drowning person can push his rescuer under. The annoying person in your life might need professional help. By all means, if they are suicidal, don’t leave them alone and do call for help (9-1-1 or a suicide hotline), but if they are just being annoying and you feel like it’s more than you can deal with, you absolutely have the right to walk away. They are only hurting you because they are hurting, and it isn’t necessarily your job to intervene. You may need to protect or distance yourself — set some boundaries — so you don’t get “pushed under.”

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    How you respond obviously depends on your relationship with the annoyer. If they are a mere acquaintance or a stranger, you might not do anything at all. Since they aren’t literally drowning, just let them splash — why waste energy being offended? If they are your customer or client, then it’s most likely your job to find out what is wrong and try to fix it. If you are in a relationship with the annoying one, then you will probably want to throw them a line (depending on the nature of the relationship). If your spouse or child is the one doing the splashing — pushing your buttons and ticking you off — see what you can do to help. Read on.

    3. If you have decided to help, give immediate assistance first.

    Lifeguards know that when a person is sinking to the bottom of the ocean, that’s not the time to try to teach him/her how to swim. Get them to the surface and save their life. Swimming lessons come later, and will probably be taught by someone other than the lifeguard.

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    Your job as spouse — this is what you signed up for when you said “I do” — is to give essential help to your annoying spouse in the form of loving attention.Your significant other is probably splashing you because he/she feels neglected or unloved — like you haven’t been listening or that you don’t care.

    1. Take a deep breath, get past the annoyance of their actions and remember that you love this person and the best way to help is to show it.
    2. Stop what you’re doing and listen. Let them know you care.
    3. Now is not the time to bombard them with advice on their issues or analyze their faults.

    The above is equally true for children; when you became a parent, it also became your job to make that little person feel loved. It’s easier when they are babies compared to toddlers or teenagers! I have heard that 90% of the time, little children (age 1 – 4) cry because they feel disconnected from their parent(s). I’m sure the same is true for older kids, just replace “cry” with “act out.”

    I can’t tell you specifically how to make that important person in your life feel loved or what the best form of attention may be, but I am sure that if you think about it now, when they aren’t annoying you, you can think of a few ways. Keep those ways in mind for the next time your buttons get pushed and, after that crucial deep breath, put them into use!

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    Teresa Griffith

    Teresa is a passionate writer who shares about productivity tips on Lifehack.

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    Last Updated on September 18, 2020

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

    “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

    Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

    You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

    Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

    1. Take a step back and evaluate

    When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

    1. What is the problem?
    2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
    3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
    4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
    5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

    Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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    2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

    If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

    At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

    Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

    3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

    Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

    4. Process your thoughts/emotions

    Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

    1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
    2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
    3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
    4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

    5. Acknowledge your thoughts

    Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

    By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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    Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

    6. Give yourself a break

    If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

    7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

    A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

    Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

    After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

    8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

    As Helen Keller once said,

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

    Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

    9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

    In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

    1. What’s the situation?
    2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
    3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
    4. Take action on your next steps!

    After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

    10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

    A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

    Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

    For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

    11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

    No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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    12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

    No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

    13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

    There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

    After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

    Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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