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How to Build a Social Circle: A Two Step Formula

How to Build a Social Circle: A Two Step Formula

Why do some people lose friends faster than they’re making new ones… while others get more and more friends, without seeming to make any effort at it? For starters, people in the second category have learned to build a social circle, the right way…

By knowing the critical parts of a social life, some people get more friends than they know what to do with. They always seem to be having fun, going out, and sharing their lives with interesting people. Others seem to run in vicious circles, making a huge effort to meet people, make almost no progress, and find it hard for them to actually keep the friendships. Some of them just give up and get used to being alone, frustrated, and unhappy.

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But that’s not a way to live. And it’s definitely not for you. This article will make sure that you “start right” at having a great social life, filled with the fun, and the energy you need.

The Two-Step Formula for Building a Social Circle

This is what I call “Explore the New – Nurture the Old”, and it’s a key part of the “Get The Friends You Want” methodology. The two parts work like a cycle, you need BOTH… let’s dive into them and if it seems too simple at first, it’s fine. Just stay with me.

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explore the new

    Step One – Explore the New (constantly be meeting new friends)

    I always say that “If you’re not making new friends, you’re actually making LESS!”. It’s because people change, move to other cities, develop new interests, or get into new relationships, and that results in changes in their friendships. If you’re not constantly making new friends, then you’re going to have less and less people to hang out. It doesn’t mean they’ll stop liking you or reject you, they’ll just be doing something else, somewhere else, with someone else.

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    • To make this easy, make the new friendships ABOUT something (a hobby, an interest, a cause, or an activity)
    • To make it extra-easy, pick an interest or hobby you ALREADY love.
    • To make it extra-extra-easy, join a group that meets regularly, so you don’t have to think about it. The meetings take place once or twice a month, and all you have to do is show up!
    • To make it extra-extra-extra-easy, join the ORGANIZING team. Whoa! When you give some of your time to help the team, everyone is grateful to have you. Meeting people, in this position, is as easy as it was when you were four years old.
    • To motivate yourself to do this, think of someone you know that is involved in a team that holds regular events… recall how many people they got to know throughout that process, how much fun they got to have… now imagine if YOU were in that position… would you like to be there? ;-)

    Step Two – Nurture the Old (meet existing friends, and introduce them to new ones)

    This is critical. It consists of regularly meeting the friends you want to keep, and introducing them to the new ones you meet.

    Why? Because…

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    • Friendships are FRAGILE… you need to keep meeting the people regularly. Once a week is ideal.
    • By introducing people to each other, you make them STICK. It gets easier for them to keep in touch with you, because by doing so, they’re also staying in touch with a whole bunch of people. It’s often, the best use of their social time.
    • Because by doing so you prove that you’re CONFIDENT. You’re not afraid of losing anyone. And you can make new friends at any point of your life, and that’s attractive and respectable.
    • Because it gives everyone the opportunity to grow, have more fun, and be happier within a group.

    Now, how many friends you need in a group? It really depends on you. 4 to 5 is great if you’re an introvert, 10 or more if you’re an extrovert.

    Of course, you can build one or two social circles, that have different interests that you share with them. You’ll be amazed on the good influence it’ll have on your life. you’ll never feel all alone again, you’ll have people to go out with, celebrate holidays, celebrate birthdays, go to summer vacations with, and so on.

    Now, always keep in your mind the simple formula: explore the new – nurture the old.

    More by this author

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    Last Updated on August 16, 2018

    10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

    10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

    The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

    In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

    Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

    1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

    What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

    Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

    2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

    Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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    How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

    Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

    Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

    3. Get comfortable with discomfort

    One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

    Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

    4. See failure as a teacher

    Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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    Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

    Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

    10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

    5. Take baby steps

    Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

    Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

    Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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    The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

    6. Hang out with risk takers

    There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

    Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

    7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

    Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

    Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

    8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

    What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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    9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

    Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

    If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

    10. Focus on the fun

    Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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