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How to Build a Social Circle: A Two Step Formula

How to Build a Social Circle: A Two Step Formula

Why do some people lose friends faster than they’re making new ones… while others get more and more friends, without seeming to make any effort at it? For starters, people in the second category have learned to build a social circle, the right way…

By knowing the critical parts of a social life, some people get more friends than they know what to do with. They always seem to be having fun, going out, and sharing their lives with interesting people. Others seem to run in vicious circles, making a huge effort to meet people, make almost no progress, and find it hard for them to actually keep the friendships. Some of them just give up and get used to being alone, frustrated, and unhappy.

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But that’s not a way to live. And it’s definitely not for you. This article will make sure that you “start right” at having a great social life, filled with the fun, and the energy you need.

The Two-Step Formula for Building a Social Circle

This is what I call “Explore the New – Nurture the Old”, and it’s a key part of the “Get The Friends You Want” methodology. The two parts work like a cycle, you need BOTH… let’s dive into them and if it seems too simple at first, it’s fine. Just stay with me.

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explore the new

    Step One – Explore the New (constantly be meeting new friends)

    I always say that “If you’re not making new friends, you’re actually making LESS!”. It’s because people change, move to other cities, develop new interests, or get into new relationships, and that results in changes in their friendships. If you’re not constantly making new friends, then you’re going to have less and less people to hang out. It doesn’t mean they’ll stop liking you or reject you, they’ll just be doing something else, somewhere else, with someone else.

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    • To make this easy, make the new friendships ABOUT something (a hobby, an interest, a cause, or an activity)
    • To make it extra-easy, pick an interest or hobby you ALREADY love.
    • To make it extra-extra-easy, join a group that meets regularly, so you don’t have to think about it. The meetings take place once or twice a month, and all you have to do is show up!
    • To make it extra-extra-extra-easy, join the ORGANIZING team. Whoa! When you give some of your time to help the team, everyone is grateful to have you. Meeting people, in this position, is as easy as it was when you were four years old.
    • To motivate yourself to do this, think of someone you know that is involved in a team that holds regular events… recall how many people they got to know throughout that process, how much fun they got to have… now imagine if YOU were in that position… would you like to be there? ;-)

    Step Two – Nurture the Old (meet existing friends, and introduce them to new ones)

    This is critical. It consists of regularly meeting the friends you want to keep, and introducing them to the new ones you meet.

    Why? Because…

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    • Friendships are FRAGILE… you need to keep meeting the people regularly. Once a week is ideal.
    • By introducing people to each other, you make them STICK. It gets easier for them to keep in touch with you, because by doing so, they’re also staying in touch with a whole bunch of people. It’s often, the best use of their social time.
    • Because by doing so you prove that you’re CONFIDENT. You’re not afraid of losing anyone. And you can make new friends at any point of your life, and that’s attractive and respectable.
    • Because it gives everyone the opportunity to grow, have more fun, and be happier within a group.

    Now, how many friends you need in a group? It really depends on you. 4 to 5 is great if you’re an introvert, 10 or more if you’re an extrovert.

    Of course, you can build one or two social circles, that have different interests that you share with them. You’ll be amazed on the good influence it’ll have on your life. you’ll never feel all alone again, you’ll have people to go out with, celebrate holidays, celebrate birthdays, go to summer vacations with, and so on.

    Now, always keep in your mind the simple formula: explore the new – nurture the old.

    More by this author

    Paul Sanders

    A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

    How To Be More Social If You Are an Introvert How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It

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    Last Updated on March 25, 2020

    How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

    How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

    How many times have you not achieved your goals and let yourself down due to your lack of motivation? When you’re not wallowing in sadness and self-pity, you are too busy procrastinating till you can’t anymore and before you know it, you are part of vicious cycle of anxiety and stress.

    Whether it’s losing weight or bringing your business to fruition – motivation is essential for growth and success in every sphere of our lives.

    That said, it is not easy staying motivated. In order to constantly stay motivated, you need to take ownership of your life and consciously make efforts in that direction.

    Well, it’s never too late to take matters in your hands and change the course of your life. Here are 11 effective ways to crush your lack of motivation and always stay motivated:

    1. Write Your Goals

    The power of writing goals down has always been underestimated. Why write when you can remember, right? Wrong.

    Our thoughts are all over the place and the first step to achieve your goals is to organize your thoughts. So, write your goals down, however big or small they might be. Make them as specific as possible and assign deadlines to each of them.

    As you write them down and revisit them regularly, they get further drilled in your head, taking you closer to your goals. Doing this small exercise helps you to remain focused, motivated and lets you track your progress with ease.

    Start today – take to your laptop or a diary and get down to writing what you wish to achieve in life.

    2. Beat Procrastination

    Your lack of motivation and procrastination go hand in hand. Every time you procrastinate, your motivation levels take a greater hit. The only way to bring an end to this loop is to stop procrastinating.

    Next time you find yourself putting off something for ‘later’, stop and assess the reasons behind it. Get to the root of the cause and eliminate it in order to overcome this poor habit of procrastinating which is sabotaging your life and mental health.

    Take a look at this guide and learn how to beat procrastination:

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    What Is Procrastination (And the Complete Guide to Stop Procrastinating)

    When you finally overcome procrastination, you will realize the positive impact it has on your mood and motivation levels.

    3. Celebrate Small Wins

    In the quest to achieve the bigger goals in life, we often forget to celebrate the smaller wins along the way. An achievement is an achievement – be it big or small, it deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated.

    Finished a project on time? Reward yourself. Managed to run on the treadmill for a good one hour? Pat yourself on the back. Found time to meditate? Celebrate it.

    It is these small achievements that reinstate that we are on the right path and take us one step closer to the bigger goals.

    So, get into the habit of recognizing and appreciating small wins. You will be surprised to see how this practice helps you stay motivated.

    4. Practice Gratitude

    It’s easier to whine about what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings. Isn’t it?

    Making gratefulness a part of your life is a very important step to retain high motivational levels. It revitalizes our spirits and renews our enthusiasm for life.

    So, how do you practice gratitude? For starters, keep a gratitude journal to jot down what you are grateful for, express your gratitude to people you love and spread positivity wherever you go. If you need some inspiration to be thankful for, here it is:

    60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life

    By doing so, you begin to focus more on what you have rather than what you don’t and that is a great start to stay motivated.

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    5. Be Optimistic

    Life is not always hunky dory. There will be bad days when things aren’t going in your favor, when you feel lost and all you want to do is give up.

    At such times, instead of letting negativity take over your life, adopt an optimistic approach to life. Quit overthinking, ask the right questions and focus on finding solutions.

    Yes, there will be hurdles along the way but if you hang on to positive affirmations and hopes, the journey will be a lot smoother. So, with every passing day, sow the seeds of positivity and you are sure to build a positive environment around you.

    6. Don’t Dwell on the Past

    A lot of times, our lack of motivation stems from the habit of dwelling on the past. This gives rise to fear and regrets, preventing us from making progress in the present day.

    Dwelling on the past is nothing but a waste of time. Understand that the past is long gone, and you cannot do anything to change that.

    What you can do is make your present day worthwhile. Instead of looking back and having regrets, learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.

    So, the next time you find your mind wandering off to the past, be determined to change the way you think and consciously concentrate on living in the present. This guide can help you:

    10 Simple Steps To Let Go Of The Past

    7. Face your Fears

    You can never find motivation where there is fear. Identify the fear that is pulling you back and tackle it.

    If you don’t face your fear head on, you cannot expect to conquer it and renew your motivation.

    Ask yourself: What is stopping you? What are you scared of?

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    Once you accept your fear, you can work on an action plan and think of solutions to overcome it. This article will give you some effective tips on conquering your fears:

    How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

    Seek external help if required but don’t choose to turn a blind eye over your fears – it will only aggravate matters.

    8. Visualize your Success

    You must have heard the famous quote, ‘see it to believe it’. That is exactly what visualization is about.

    One of the most effective self-motivation techniques, visualizing the process to your desired outcome helps you move in a positive direction and achieve your goal.

    Close your eyes and focus all your energies on the minutest of details that will take you where you want to reach. Doing this exercise everyday inspires you to keep going and not lose hope. The vision of attaining success will drive you to do better while instilling belief and confidence.

    9. Find Inspiration

    Can’t seem to find inspiration inwards? Don’t panic. There are plenty of external sources to gain inspiration from.

    From motivational books and quotes to speeches, films and apps – it is a good idea to take help from motivational material to rekindle your spirits and regain your motivation.

    Everyone is wired differently. For instance, a self-help book might work for your friend, but it might do nothing to move you. So, find what inspires you and turn to it when you are in desperate need for motivation.

    Finding inspiration externally fills you with hope and sometimes that is all you need.

    10. Enjoy Downtime

    You are clearly exhausted with all the running you’re doing in life. So much, that you don’t even have time to stop and think what’s causing you so much unhappiness. All you know is that you are lacking motivation and everyday seems to have become a struggle.

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    Now, that’s certainly not how you should live the rest of your life.

    You need to schedule downtime for yourself, relax and give your mind and body some rest. Take a vacation, indulge in hobbies, meet some friends, put your hair down and stop with all the overthinking. It is important to do things that make you happy in order to think clearly and stay motivated.

    11. Meditate Regularly

    Meditation lets you take control of your mind. It improves focus and concentration while helping you relax.

    Whenever you have had a tough day or find your thoughts going places, the best way to calm yourself down is by closing your eyes and meditating. It helps you to remove all the unnecessary frills in life and keeps you on the right track.

    Include meditation in your daily schedule and you are sure to see an improvement in your productivity and motivation.

    The Bottom Line

    Practicing these simple exercises isn’t the tough part, what’s tough is religiously doing them every day.

    However, don’t expect to get rid of your lack of motivation overnight. There will still be days when you will be low on energy but by making these conscious efforts to stay motivated, you are sure to see a vast change in your perspective and your response to bad days.

    So, start today and be committed to making a positive change in your life.

    More Tips About Staying Motivated

    Featured photo credit: Sonnie Hiles via unsplash.com

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