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How to Avoid the Disconnection Epidemic

How to Avoid the Disconnection Epidemic

reflection

    Reflection on disconnection

    In 2009 we are indeed a global community infected by disconnection. On many levels and in many ways. And as a planet and as a tribe living on that planet, it’s safe to say that the Disconnection Epidemic is killing us. Or perhaps should I say, we’re killing us. Metaphorically and literally. Just take a look around at the consequences of our global disconnected-ness. You and I live in a time when mankind is hemorrhaging on many levels; physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and environmentally, and yet despite our condition, we seem to be resistant to learning. We have managed to both progress and regress at the same time. Quite the achievement. It seems that the more educated, informed and  equipped we become (as a population), the more selfish, short-sighted, illogical and destructive we become also. For a species which regards itself as the intellectual superior to all others, we have an amazing knack for stupidity and irrational behaviour. I don’t know of any other species that has the ability to wreak havoc on it’s own kind like we Homo Sapiens do. Modern Man; what an ironic term. If only the dolphins were running the show. Not only are we seeing disconnection between individuals in homes, schools and workplaces but also on a much larger scale, between cultures, countries, religions, generations, governments, political groups and so on. And no, I’m not talking about normal healthy ideological, philosophical, theological and political differences here, I’m talking about large-scale attitudes, choices and behaviours that continue to create division, devastation, destruction and mass disconnection.

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    When I’m the boss of the world, I’ll address it.

    Until then…

    That may take a while, so in the mean time… what can you and I do to create a greater level of connection with the inhabitants of our own little cosmos? Of course we probably won’t create a global shift or be the genesis for some kind of cosmic awakening in the next week or two (although… ), but in the interim there’s a bunch of stuff you and I can do to create a much greater level of connection, understanding and harmony with those lucky enough to be in our own personal orbit.

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    Talking with, not at

    While there are many variables that will impact on and affect the kind of connection we do or don’t create with the people in our own atmosphere, there is no more important “connection tool” than that of effective communication. And as obvious and fundamental as this sounds, it is often our inability to communicate effectively with those in our world (family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and even strangers) which lies at the core of the disconnected reality that so many of us inhabit. Effective communication happens when we have a genuine desire to connect with people in a meaningful and productive manner. For too many of us, talking regularly equates to neither communication nor connection. Some people want to create a deeper level of communication, understanding and connection, while others simply want to talk at people and massage their ego. Ever seen what happens in parliament? Gold. Talking at people will create disconnection while talking with people will create connection – or at the very least, open the door on a healthier and more productive relationship. One is all about being heard and imposing one’s thoughts, ideas, beliefs and will, while the other is all about listening, understanding, empathising and of course, creating connection.

    Here are some no-brainer “connectors”…

    1. Work to build trust and respect. If there’s no trust or respect there can be no real connection. What often appears to be connection is in fact acting and/or manipulation on one person’s part. Simulated rapport I call it. We learn this kind of stuff in basic retail sales training. It’s not connection; it’s role-playing.
    2. Ask the right kind of questions. Ask questions that will generate meaningful dialogue; open-ended questions, not yes-no questions. Ask questions which demonstrate that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.
    3. Work to increase your awareness and to become an active listener. If you are serious about creating connection with someone then give them one hundred percent of your attention in that moment. Yep; all of it. Don’t be anywhere else (mentally). This is not always easy for us as our cerebral landscape tends be a very busy “place”. However, it is a very valuable skill to develop. Do your best to understand the other person’s perspective and thoughtfully consider the intended meaning of their words. Don’t be like many who simply wait for a gap in proceedings to launch their own self-indulgent monologue. As a general rule, listen more than you speak.
    4. Read the non-verbal communication. In any conversation, the words are only part of the message and sometimes, a small part. What people don’t say will often tell you more than what they do. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
    5. Speak their language. All the talking in the world will result in zero connection if you’re both speaking different languages. And we see this all the time; the boss and the employee, the mother and daughter, the teacher and the student, the tech-dude (Johnny) and the non-tech-dude (me). Lots of words but no understanding, no connection and no positive outcome. While most of us understand English, we all speak our own “language”. What will motivate one person will intimidate another. What will make me laugh will offend my neighbour. What will make complete sense to you could be totally confusing to your parents (think computer). Know who you’re talking with and learn their language if it’s connection you’re after.

    Acknowledge their feelings. You don’t need to agree with people to understand them, to respect their point of view or to create genuine connection. Having the same philosophy on everything is not a pre-requisite for connection; if it was, we’d all be in a bunch of trouble.

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    The Last Bit

    The disconnection chat, is indeed a much bigger one than the mere morsel I’ve given you to chew on today. It is something that impacts on virtually every area of the human experience (great and small), and something that I believe needs to be addressed in a practical, humble and honest fashion if we are serious about undoing some of the damage we’re living in today. One individual can’t save six billion, neither can she change the mind of the global power brokers or single handedly steer the S.S.Humanity. However, when enough individuals get together, the few become many and we begin to see a shift in power and a practical, positive consequence in our physical world. That is, real change. So if you’ve been impacted by disconnection on any level (and welcome to the club), my suggestion for you is, rather than allowing yourself to be a victim of disconnection (yep, it’s a choice), work to become a connector. Genuine transformation and connection works from the inside-out and today (like every day) is an opportunity for you to become part of the solution, rather than a perpetuator of the problem.

    Every day I choose to create connection and to be part of the solution because I have that choice and that power. I encourage you to join me.

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    As always, love your thoughts.

    More by this author

    Craig Harper

    Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

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    Last Updated on June 13, 2019

    How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

    How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

    Think you have a boring life?

    The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

    Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

    1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

    What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

    Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

    2. Go Play with Kids

    Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

    They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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    3. Order a Hot Dog

    While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

    4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

    Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

    5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

    You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

    You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

    6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

    Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

    Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

    7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

    Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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    What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

    8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

    You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

    9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

    Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

    10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

    We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

    11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

    It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

    12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

    This will give you something to look forward to.

    Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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    13. People Watch

    Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

    People are infinitely interesting.

    14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

    Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

    15. Dance

    You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

    If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

    16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

    This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

    17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

    Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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    18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

    Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

    19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

    OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

    20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

    This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

    Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

    Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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    Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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