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How to Stop the Cycle of Anger, Sadness, and Guilt During Hardships

How to Stop the Cycle of Anger, Sadness, and Guilt During Hardships

Don’t you get a little tired of having to go through the same negative emotional process every time a hardship hits?

Sometimes it’s understandable, like having someone close to you die and then going through the mourning process. During those times, I say it’s best to let the process do what it does and try not to shut out any emotions and just allow yourself to feel and heal. There are those other times of hardship that come around far more often; the ones that keep coming back, restarting the cycle of anger sadness, and guilt all over again.

They don’t have to go in that order obviously, but it’s usually the same process. Something happens to youcould be abruptly or over timeand then you become sucked into this hole of darkness and suffering. And by that, of course I’m talking about the negative emotions leading your mind.

Down in a Hole

Since you’re basically stuck inside this spinning course of emotions, it’s best to figure out a way to slow it down, before you just try to bring it to a sudden stop. In other words, when you’re feeling down and out, a little angry, or bad about something that happened, slow your mind down and let the emotion soak in for a bit before you do anything.

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  • Slow your Mind

Why do anger, guilt, and sadness go together so well? It’s definitely not for the pure joy of torturing you when rough times hit. It’s because they are all negative feelings. When things don’t go well, bad feelings take over. They aren’t any fun. No one really wants them around, but what can you do?

You can understand that it’s the perception you have of the reality which stands before you that determines just how consumed you are liable to become in the negative emotions. Your perception, or the way you view the world around you, is unique. Everything you’ve gone through and experienced has shaped how you look at the world up to this point.

If you’re stuck in a continuous cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, the perception you have of reality isn’t going to be a very good one. Not when you feel like it’s just you against the world. Not when your world is crumbling down around you and you don’t know how to stop it.

But Not Out

You can stop it! In fact, you can actually do more that that: you can change the way you view the world in a way that not only lets you stop feeling so low, but helps you change the way you look at the world and situation in general. In a way where you are in control, not the negative emotions. Through your beliefs, outlook, experience, knowledge, and desires, you have the ability to alter your perception of reality to one that turns sadness, guilt, and anger into compassion, courage, and fulfillment. To turn negative emotions into a positive reaction.

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Here are a couple of ways to change your perception:

  • Dive deep 

Go deep within the ocean of your inner existence, your memories, your values, your beliefs, your hopes, your dreams, your higher consciousness and discover who you truly are. It’s amazing how much perspective and clarity you can gain in the worst of times.

  • Grow up

Let go of all thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that bring you negative emotions. Start to explore the inner you. Stop thinking for a minute and just be with yourself. Be present in the moment, listen to your inner voice and learn. Use the knowledge that’s out there in the land of Lifehack to help you grow.

  • Believe

If you have taken any decent amount of time and effort to look within yourself and explore the depths at which you can go, you may already believe. Believe in what? Believing in something’s better than believing in nothing. My grandma always said, a fella ought to believe in something, and it’s true. Having belief in something greater than yourself can help you understand, progress, and move past being caught up in any cycle of negativeness.

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Live Openly and Authentically

Live for something that gives you purpose and a greater meaning. Having something to believe in, something that brings you purpose, helps you to consciously move forward. It gives you something to strive for and thus something to look forward to, which will aid in your positivity, happiness, and overall fulfillment. Being authentic means to be of a higher morality. Do good and put good into the world. Wear your heart on your sleeve so you have nothing to hide. Let yourself out of your cocoon of false-fed beliefs and fly with your arms wide open into the land of unlimited possibilities.

Stopping the cycle of anger, sadness, and guilt when hit with hardships is not the easiest of tasks, but it’s a lot easier if you start truly living and become fully alive. Growing, learning, and just being on a purposeful journey can help stop a lot of the hardships from looking like “hardships”.

If you change the way you see it, you can change the way it is.

The next time you get mad, remember that you have a choice. You can choose to be mad or you can choose to let go.

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The next time you feel sad, remember that it’s okay to be sad, but you have a choice. You can be sad, or you can find courage and strength to move forward.

The next time you feel guilt, remember that you can choose to sulk, or you can do something to redeem yourself and feel fulfillment. You can change anything.

More by this author

Justin Harmon

Justin helps people break free from the status quo and start living a life of personal freedom, fulfillment, and purpose.

6 Reasons Why Your Comfort Zone Is Holding You Back In Life How to Stop the Cycle of Anger, Sadness, and Guilt During Hardships How to Be Awesome at Life How to Endure and Overcome the Worst of Life’s Hardships 3 Highly Effective Ways to Become Happy, Awake, Fulfilled and Free

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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