“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau
Have you ever thought about traveling solo but then didn’t follow through with a trip?
If you answered yes, chances are you didn’t follow through because you were afraid it would be dangerous, or you were afraid it wouldn’t be fun without a companion.
Once you take your first trip you realize both assumptions are wrong. Solo travel is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have. The benefits outweigh the risks and the experience strengthens life skills needed for success in all aspects of life.Advertising
Travel, like life, is about looking at situations, taking in the factors, and predicting an outcome. You learn to act based on your assessment. Sometimes, you assess correctly and sail through without a problem. Other times, you may judge wrong. It is in those times that you learn to reassess and solve immediate problems. This empowers skills needed for resilience.
Solo Travel Helps You To Face Fears
The most common fears associated with solo travel are safety and loneliness. Most solo travelers, especially women, report that well-meaning friends and family members scare them with concerns for their safety. The same travelers report once out on the road, they realize those fears were not warranted providing they use common sense and know these tips.
Solo Travel Strengthens Problem-Solving Skills
When you are traveling solo every situation, big or small, can help strengthen problem-solving skills. Missing a connecting flight, or getting lost on a back road with no cell signal can be…well quite scary. Learning how to deal with those types of situations as they happen forces you to focus on solutions instead of dwelling on problems. This improves the ability to assess situations, which in turn strengthens the quality of decisions.
Solo Travel Boosts Your Confidence
Imagine being stranded in a foreign land where you don’t speak the language and all you have is a map and symbols to get around. This is often common for travelers who venture to another country. Something amazing happens when these travelers find their hostel, or they begin to understand bits and pieces of the foreign language.They become more confident in their own abilities. Every time you face a fear, or solve a problem, you build confidence in yourself.
Solo Travel Teaches That Setbacks are a Part of Life
When traveling solo, it is inevitable that you will have setbacks that delay you. You learn to deal with them. Setbacks teach that an obstacle is not the end of a journey, but a road block or detour. The more setbacks you are faced with, the better you are at moving around them without allowing them to derail you. Setbacks are just a part of life and the more experienced you are at handling them the more successful you are in life.
Solo Travel Teaches Flexibility
Solo travel is especially constructive for people who are afraid to be out of control. You only have so much control when traveling alone. You must learn to be flexible. Side trips and unexpected stops can be one of the most rewarding parts of the journey. You can organize and plan a trip down to the minute, but in reality, it will not happen the way you have planned. Flexibility is necessary for solo travel, life and business.
Solo Travel Strengthens Faith
Faith rises from self-confidence, however, life and society suppress both. Solo travel forces you to break out of your comfort zone, believe in yourself, and rely on faith to move through obstacles, fear, and the unfamiliar. Through faith in yourself, and the higher power that guides you, you learn that you are capable of much more than you ever imagined.
Solo Travel Helps You To View Yourself as a Survivor
In solo travel you become strong, self-reliant, confident, smart, and ready to face anything. You become more optimistic, more altruistic, and can more easily understand your purpose in life. Together, all of these strengths empower resilience.
Once you complete a journey you understand there is much more to life than mediocrity. You become stronger and resilient as the result. Lessons learned on the road will follow you throughout life. People who travel learn more about themselves and the world. As a result, solo travel creates resilient leaders with true grit.
If you have traveled solo, I would love to hear your story. In the comment section below, please share how solo travel has made you more resilient and ready to take on the world.
Featured photo credit: By Gulan Ballsay via flickr.com
Published on May 4, 2021
How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)
They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?
In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.
Table of Contents
How to Spot Fake People?
When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.
Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.
1. Full of Themselves
Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”
Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.
2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions
Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.
It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.
3. Zero Self-Reflection
To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.
Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.
4. Unrealistic Perceptions
Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.
A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).
5. Love Attention
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.
6. People Pleaser
Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.
Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.
7. Sarcasm and Cynicism
Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.
8. Crappy friend
Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.
It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.
The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.
How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?
It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.
There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.
Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.
2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally
Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.
3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel
If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.
4. Ask for Advice
If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.
Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.
5. Dig Deeper
Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.
Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.
6. Practice Self-Care!
Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!
Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.
Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.
Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!
More Tips on Dealing With Fake People
- 7 Types of Fake Friends That Are Secretly Bringing You Down
- 11 Differences Between Real Friends and Fake Friends
- How Fake Friendships on the Social Media Get in Your Way of Real Friendships
Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com