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How To Size Up A Friendship

How To Size Up A Friendship

This article will help you understand why some friends stay for years, while others fade away after a few months, or weeks. If you understand the nature of the friendship you have with a person, you can better predict where it’s heading, and better understand why this friend behaves the way they do.

To make this fun, think of a few of your current or past friendships and try and figure out what kind of category they belong in the following list…

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Simple Friendships

These friendships are based on only one type of interaction.

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  • Associate: This is the type of friend you’d have around one context like school, church, work, gym, or similar. The relationship revolves around that specific thing, and you barely ever talk about anything else.
  • Useful Contact: With this type of friend, you exchange useful information, job opportunities, industry news, you introduce each other to people, exchange tips on good deals, etc. But, you don’t discuss personal matters with each other.
  • Favor Friend: This the type of friendship you could have with a nice colleague or neighbor. You don’t go out together, but you help each other with the simple stuff: giving a lift, helping with some DIY job, keeping the cat for a couple of hours, etc. This friendship can evolve and become more intimate, but it can also fade away if you no longer see each other.
  • Fun Friend: This is the type of friend that makes you take yourself less seriously. You can meet and interact in different places and contexts, but it’s not about more than having fun and enjoying each other’s company. You don’t dwell on each other’s problems, even if you happen to talk about them. The friendship doesn’t require a lot of investment from you; it’s just about relaxing, having a drink, partying, laughing, etc. However, fun friendships have a great potential to become more intimate and personal.

Complex Friendships

Complex friendships are based on multiple ways of relating, and interacting.

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  • Helpmate: This is like having two simple friendships in one; you socialize with this person, and you help each other as well. This one you can ask for lifts to the airport, and call during emergencies like car accidents. But you won’t reveal all your secrets and insecurities to this friend, because they’re easily shocked or because they happen to judge too quickly, for example. You don’t rely on your helpmate for emotional support.
  • Comforter: A comforter is a step forward from a helpmate; you socialize, help each other, and provide emotional support for each other. This kind of friend is generally present in case of the loss of a family member, a breakup, loss of a job, or similar. You trust each other enough to talk about fears, frustrations, and insecurities; you look to lift each other’s spirit.
  • Confidant: With this kind of friend, you can support each other emotionally, and you also enjoy each other’s company when you meet. He or she doesn’t necessarily live near you. With this friend, you can confide in each other about anything, and not just when something bad happens. You talk about your goals, your secret opinions, but also your general life challenges.
  • Soulmate: Don’t get me wrong, I’m still talking about friendship, not romance. A soulmate is the most complex and multi-faceted type of friendship. This is the kind of person you can’t believe how lucky you are to have in your life. With a soulmate, you enjoy each other’s company, you help each other, you provide emotional support, you confide in each other, and you share a similar outlook on life. Some philosophers call this, “Seeing The Same Truth”; this is the most ideal form of friendship. This the kind of friend that wouldn’t betray you, no matter what happens. You’re committed to being each other’s friend, even without realizing it. Moving away or not meeting for a year won’t change this friendship that much.

Closing Words

Although each friendship is unique, it generally falls in one of these categories. This list will help you understand your friendships better, while learning the skill of making friends will allow you to first create simple friendships, and evolve them into intimate ones whenever you want.

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More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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