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How To Size Up A Friendship

How To Size Up A Friendship

This article will help you understand why some friends stay for years, while others fade away after a few months, or weeks. If you understand the nature of the friendship you have with a person, you can better predict where it’s heading, and better understand why this friend behaves the way they do.

To make this fun, think of a few of your current or past friendships and try and figure out what kind of category they belong in the following list…

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Simple Friendships

These friendships are based on only one type of interaction.

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  • Associate: This is the type of friend you’d have around one context like school, church, work, gym, or similar. The relationship revolves around that specific thing, and you barely ever talk about anything else.
  • Useful Contact: With this type of friend, you exchange useful information, job opportunities, industry news, you introduce each other to people, exchange tips on good deals, etc. But, you don’t discuss personal matters with each other.
  • Favor Friend: This the type of friendship you could have with a nice colleague or neighbor. You don’t go out together, but you help each other with the simple stuff: giving a lift, helping with some DIY job, keeping the cat for a couple of hours, etc. This friendship can evolve and become more intimate, but it can also fade away if you no longer see each other.
  • Fun Friend: This is the type of friend that makes you take yourself less seriously. You can meet and interact in different places and contexts, but it’s not about more than having fun and enjoying each other’s company. You don’t dwell on each other’s problems, even if you happen to talk about them. The friendship doesn’t require a lot of investment from you; it’s just about relaxing, having a drink, partying, laughing, etc. However, fun friendships have a great potential to become more intimate and personal.

Complex Friendships

Complex friendships are based on multiple ways of relating, and interacting.

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  • Helpmate: This is like having two simple friendships in one; you socialize with this person, and you help each other as well. This one you can ask for lifts to the airport, and call during emergencies like car accidents. But you won’t reveal all your secrets and insecurities to this friend, because they’re easily shocked or because they happen to judge too quickly, for example. You don’t rely on your helpmate for emotional support.
  • Comforter: A comforter is a step forward from a helpmate; you socialize, help each other, and provide emotional support for each other. This kind of friend is generally present in case of the loss of a family member, a breakup, loss of a job, or similar. You trust each other enough to talk about fears, frustrations, and insecurities; you look to lift each other’s spirit.
  • Confidant: With this kind of friend, you can support each other emotionally, and you also enjoy each other’s company when you meet. He or she doesn’t necessarily live near you. With this friend, you can confide in each other about anything, and not just when something bad happens. You talk about your goals, your secret opinions, but also your general life challenges.
  • Soulmate: Don’t get me wrong, I’m still talking about friendship, not romance. A soulmate is the most complex and multi-faceted type of friendship. This is the kind of person you can’t believe how lucky you are to have in your life. With a soulmate, you enjoy each other’s company, you help each other, you provide emotional support, you confide in each other, and you share a similar outlook on life. Some philosophers call this, “Seeing The Same Truth”; this is the most ideal form of friendship. This the kind of friend that wouldn’t betray you, no matter what happens. You’re committed to being each other’s friend, even without realizing it. Moving away or not meeting for a year won’t change this friendship that much.

Closing Words

Although each friendship is unique, it generally falls in one of these categories. This list will help you understand your friendships better, while learning the skill of making friends will allow you to first create simple friendships, and evolve them into intimate ones whenever you want.

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More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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