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How To Make Small Talk With Anyone

How To Make Small Talk With Anyone

When meeting new people, do you know how to make small talk? Do you feel that’s the barrier keeping you from making friends and building a social life? Making small talk is in fact a great skill to have; it gives you access to pretty much anyone that you come across in a social setting.

In this article, I want to share some key pointers on how to make small talk and have great conversations.

It’s Way Easier Than You Think

What makes small talk an easy skill to learn is the fact that you can practice pretty much anywhere. You can practice with bartenders, waitresses, cab drivers, neighbors, etc. You can always be ready to talk a little longer with a random stranger, and take just small attempts at improving your small talk muscle.

As a rule of thumb, try to hold conversations for 5% longer than usual.

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Fortunately, you can only get better at it, and it stays with you for a very long time. You automatically start to adapt what you talk about and how you do it according to the social situations you’re in.

Learn To Go With The Flow

Making small talk is about being random and going with the flow. This means that it’s not a structured way to communicate.

The easiest way to start learning small talk is to realize that all topics of conversation are related. Every subject is related to every other subject, directly or indirectly. There is always a link between anything and everything else.

For example, if someone talks about what they saw on TV today, you can share what you saw recently on TV as well. If they’re talking about the news, you can talk about your favorite kind of news, even if it’s not directly related to what they just mentioned.

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As a rule of thumb, talk about what the last thought reminds you of. Don’t censor yourself too much…

The Enemy Of Small Talk Is Self-Censorship

Now that you know that all topics are linked, you can start practicing with people wherever you go.

A major block that won’t let you do that is a common tendency to avoid speaking your mind freely. See, if you only say things that are interesting, fun, original, funny, or impressive… you’ll run out of them very soon.

Instead of censoring yourself and ending up with nothing to say, give yourself more freedom to experiment with subjects you’re not used to addressing. You don’t have to be Miss or Mister amazing; all you have to do is get into a talkative mood.

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Now, should you talk about anything that pops in your mind? Well, if you have trouble making small talk, then I bet you’re very far away from the other extreme. I bet there are a lot of things around you, and ideas you have inside that you’re not allowing yourself to talk about.

I recommend that you break free from that excessive self-censorship and just talk.

Access The Magic Behind Small Talk

A great mindset I’ll leave you with here is the one where you understand the value of small talk and why you should learn it. The purpose of keeping conversations going is to build rapport, find things in common, and make people feel comfortable.

While it looks like some pointless chatter, small talk has real magic behind it. The value is in making people comfortable with you; it makes them open up to more meaningful conversations. If there is no small talk and no comfort, they keep their distance.

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If you want to achieve that faster, look for subtle commonalities, and focus on the things that you agree on with the person. This habit of finding common ground with someone you meet gives you the basis on which you can build great friendships.

Remember, the basis of friendship is commonalities. Make sure you look for them.

Best of luck.

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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