Advertising
Advertising

How To Be A Good Kisser

How To Be A Good Kisser

When you stop for a moment to ponder it, kissing is on a short list of things we’re never actually taught. In fact, no one besides the people we choose to “practice” with can teach us diddly squat about kissing. This is why I will give you a short list of mental tips to try that’ll hopefully help you give smoother smooches.

Fun fact before we begin: kissing is not only really fun, but really important too!

Advertising

According to The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips are Telling Us, 66 percent of women and 59 percent of men reported ending a relationship as a result of poor pecking. If that’s not enough pressure, ladies and gentleman, Butler University psychologist John Bohannon found that the majority of us can remember nearly 90 percent of the details involved in our first romantic kiss.

Alright, no more lallygagging. Here’s a short list for each sex that will make out of mediocre makeouts magnificent ones.

Advertising

For the ladies:

  1. Open your mouth more: I’m not talking about the Marianas Trench here, but give us dudes something to work with. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to use your tongue like a car jack to pry those jaws open. Open up so you may explore the inner works of each others mouth.
  2. Be aggressive: This is all encompassing. Be more aggressive initiating the kiss. Be more aggressive in the kiss with your tongue and lips. Be more aggressive with your hands. Rubbing. Grabbing. Groping. Don’t be afraid of anything at any moment during a kiss. Be fearless within reason, because dude’s dig that. Don’t hold back.
  3. Alternate lips: You have two of them, so don’t be afraid to focus on one or the other and alternate. There’s actually well over 100 times more nerve endings in your lips than on your fingertips. Apart from that, alternating lip focus with a partner is not only extremely sexy, but it also makes you feel like you’re in a movie! Don’t believe me? Try it.
  4. Mindful mouth: This isn’t what it sounds like, but it’s extremely important for both men and women. Be very aware of what you’ve recently eaten, or, for the ladies, what you put on your lips. Lip balm, gloss, stick, whatever. All of that stuff does something you might not be aware of. It activates sweetness receptors in your partners mouth sending yet another sense into overdrive. If you do this, also be mindful of the clothes you chose to wear that night or day. He may get a bit too passionate.
  5. Do the A-Frame: This, according to Cosmopolitan Magazine, which I’m told is a monthly women’s almanac, is when you and your lover are kissing with your hips apart thus creating an “A” figure from a side view. Do you see it there? Doing this is a safe and secure way to “feel him out” and invite him in with the hips later in the kiss.

For the gentleman:

***I listed the ladies first because, well, you should always do that. But heed the information up there, boys, because we have the most learning to do in this department. Besides the lip gloss/stick recommendation. Only try that if you’re really into that sort of thing.

  1. Your tongue + her esophagus = you’re doing it wrong: There’s no easier, or more creative, or catchier way to say that. Just don’t do it. Your tongue is not Mike Tyson’s right arm throwing quick, energetic jabs. At the same time, your tongue is also not a dead, dank fish, either. Give it some life, but be aware of what she’s doing with hers as well. I’ll be surprised if this shocks anyone, but this is always the first complaint women have about bad kissers. You’re kissing her, for goodness sake, not performing a tonsillectomy.
  2. Timing is key: Especially with that (somewhat) startling statistic above about first kiss impressions, this is important to remember. Don’t kiss her at that all you can eat fish fry. Instead, wait until you drop her off at her place when you walk her to the door. Have mints on deck and at the ready. The same goes for subsequent kisses after the first. Always be aware of the setting and her comfort levels with PDA (if applicable).
  3. Use your hands: HOLD ON. Hold on just a second. There’s two very essential and important ways to do this, and I don’t recommend deterring much from either, especially if it’s among the first couple kisses. First, when initiating the kiss, pick her chin up lightly with your hand. When you begin to kiss, lightly place your hands on her cheeks. Run your fingers through her hair. Lightly. Second, lightly place your hands on her lower back (not her butt, perv) and draw her hips lightly towards you. Much like the “A-Frame” technique mentioned above, bringing the hips together will increase desire and drive dramatically.
  4.  Go 90% of the way: Any Will Smith fans out there? Hitch said it best, but I’ll give it a try. Often guys are far too aggressive when kissing a women. This is exclusively true for the first couple kisses. Why? Because dudes get nervous. No offense ladies, but it’s often the man in the equation that is responsible with initiating the kiss. It can be intimidating. So, as Hitch encourages, do 90% of the work and let her come the other 10%. If she truly wants you, that’s very little effort to give. And if she doesn’t:
  5. Listen to her: Not only the words she speaks, but also listen to her body. Listen to her breathing. Listen to her cooing. Try to find some subtle hints that what you’re doing is right, or something she’s enjoying. If you’re unsure, sincerely ask her when you’re not in the middle of getting down to business. Does it sound lame? Maybe. But both men and women are brilliantly wrapped enigmas that are more or less uncrackable. Listen. Also, kiss her on the neck. Rumor on the street is women love that.

Kissing can be overwhelming, but don’t let it overcome you. Kissing can make you nervous, but don’t lose your cool. Kissing can be scary, but not as scary as the idea of doing it completely wrong and disappointing your lover. Don’t let it get you down. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t hold back (within reason).

Advertising

Because we all want to be loved, we all want to be held, and we all, so desperately, want that fireworks kiss.

Go get yours.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Kissing / Huffington Post via i.huffpost.com

More by this author

These 20 Regrets From People On Their Deathbeds Will Change Your Life This Short Animation Reveals A Brutal Truth About Life That Everyone Should Watch What You Need to Remember to Deal With Loss in Life Opposites Attracts: Couples with Different Characters Work Well There’s A Lot To Reflect On The Way We Date Today

Trending in Communication

1 How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 4 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 5 How to Figure Out What Motivates You at Work

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

Advertising

1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

Advertising

“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

Advertising

3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

Advertising

6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

More on Motivation

Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

Read Next