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How To Be A Good Kisser

How To Be A Good Kisser

When you stop for a moment to ponder it, kissing is on a short list of things we’re never actually taught. In fact, no one besides the people we choose to “practice” with can teach us diddly squat about kissing. This is why I will give you a short list of mental tips to try that’ll hopefully help you give smoother smooches.

Fun fact before we begin: kissing is not only really fun, but really important too!

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According to The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips are Telling Us, 66 percent of women and 59 percent of men reported ending a relationship as a result of poor pecking. If that’s not enough pressure, ladies and gentleman, Butler University psychologist John Bohannon found that the majority of us can remember nearly 90 percent of the details involved in our first romantic kiss.

Alright, no more lallygagging. Here’s a short list for each sex that will make out of mediocre makeouts magnificent ones.

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For the ladies:

  1. Open your mouth more: I’m not talking about the Marianas Trench here, but give us dudes something to work with. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to use your tongue like a car jack to pry those jaws open. Open up so you may explore the inner works of each others mouth.
  2. Be aggressive: This is all encompassing. Be more aggressive initiating the kiss. Be more aggressive in the kiss with your tongue and lips. Be more aggressive with your hands. Rubbing. Grabbing. Groping. Don’t be afraid of anything at any moment during a kiss. Be fearless within reason, because dude’s dig that. Don’t hold back.
  3. Alternate lips: You have two of them, so don’t be afraid to focus on one or the other and alternate. There’s actually well over 100 times more nerve endings in your lips than on your fingertips. Apart from that, alternating lip focus with a partner is not only extremely sexy, but it also makes you feel like you’re in a movie! Don’t believe me? Try it.
  4. Mindful mouth: This isn’t what it sounds like, but it’s extremely important for both men and women. Be very aware of what you’ve recently eaten, or, for the ladies, what you put on your lips. Lip balm, gloss, stick, whatever. All of that stuff does something you might not be aware of. It activates sweetness receptors in your partners mouth sending yet another sense into overdrive. If you do this, also be mindful of the clothes you chose to wear that night or day. He may get a bit too passionate.
  5. Do the A-Frame: This, according to Cosmopolitan Magazine, which I’m told is a monthly women’s almanac, is when you and your lover are kissing with your hips apart thus creating an “A” figure from a side view. Do you see it there? Doing this is a safe and secure way to “feel him out” and invite him in with the hips later in the kiss.

For the gentleman:

***I listed the ladies first because, well, you should always do that. But heed the information up there, boys, because we have the most learning to do in this department. Besides the lip gloss/stick recommendation. Only try that if you’re really into that sort of thing.

  1. Your tongue + her esophagus = you’re doing it wrong: There’s no easier, or more creative, or catchier way to say that. Just don’t do it. Your tongue is not Mike Tyson’s right arm throwing quick, energetic jabs. At the same time, your tongue is also not a dead, dank fish, either. Give it some life, but be aware of what she’s doing with hers as well. I’ll be surprised if this shocks anyone, but this is always the first complaint women have about bad kissers. You’re kissing her, for goodness sake, not performing a tonsillectomy.
  2. Timing is key: Especially with that (somewhat) startling statistic above about first kiss impressions, this is important to remember. Don’t kiss her at that all you can eat fish fry. Instead, wait until you drop her off at her place when you walk her to the door. Have mints on deck and at the ready. The same goes for subsequent kisses after the first. Always be aware of the setting and her comfort levels with PDA (if applicable).
  3. Use your hands: HOLD ON. Hold on just a second. There’s two very essential and important ways to do this, and I don’t recommend deterring much from either, especially if it’s among the first couple kisses. First, when initiating the kiss, pick her chin up lightly with your hand. When you begin to kiss, lightly place your hands on her cheeks. Run your fingers through her hair. Lightly. Second, lightly place your hands on her lower back (not her butt, perv) and draw her hips lightly towards you. Much like the “A-Frame” technique mentioned above, bringing the hips together will increase desire and drive dramatically.
  4.  Go 90% of the way: Any Will Smith fans out there? Hitch said it best, but I’ll give it a try. Often guys are far too aggressive when kissing a women. This is exclusively true for the first couple kisses. Why? Because dudes get nervous. No offense ladies, but it’s often the man in the equation that is responsible with initiating the kiss. It can be intimidating. So, as Hitch encourages, do 90% of the work and let her come the other 10%. If she truly wants you, that’s very little effort to give. And if she doesn’t:
  5. Listen to her: Not only the words she speaks, but also listen to her body. Listen to her breathing. Listen to her cooing. Try to find some subtle hints that what you’re doing is right, or something she’s enjoying. If you’re unsure, sincerely ask her when you’re not in the middle of getting down to business. Does it sound lame? Maybe. But both men and women are brilliantly wrapped enigmas that are more or less uncrackable. Listen. Also, kiss her on the neck. Rumor on the street is women love that.

Kissing can be overwhelming, but don’t let it overcome you. Kissing can make you nervous, but don’t lose your cool. Kissing can be scary, but not as scary as the idea of doing it completely wrong and disappointing your lover. Don’t let it get you down. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t hold back (within reason).

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Because we all want to be loved, we all want to be held, and we all, so desperately, want that fireworks kiss.

Go get yours.

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Featured photo credit: Kissing / Huffington Post via i.huffpost.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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