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How To Be A Good Kisser

How To Be A Good Kisser

When you stop for a moment to ponder it, kissing is on a short list of things we’re never actually taught. In fact, no one besides the people we choose to “practice” with can teach us diddly squat about kissing. This is why I will give you a short list of mental tips to try that’ll hopefully help you give smoother smooches.

Fun fact before we begin: kissing is not only really fun, but really important too!

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According to The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips are Telling Us, 66 percent of women and 59 percent of men reported ending a relationship as a result of poor pecking. If that’s not enough pressure, ladies and gentleman, Butler University psychologist John Bohannon found that the majority of us can remember nearly 90 percent of the details involved in our first romantic kiss.

Alright, no more lallygagging. Here’s a short list for each sex that will make out of mediocre makeouts magnificent ones.

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For the ladies:

  1. Open your mouth more: I’m not talking about the Marianas Trench here, but give us dudes something to work with. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to use your tongue like a car jack to pry those jaws open. Open up so you may explore the inner works of each others mouth.
  2. Be aggressive: This is all encompassing. Be more aggressive initiating the kiss. Be more aggressive in the kiss with your tongue and lips. Be more aggressive with your hands. Rubbing. Grabbing. Groping. Don’t be afraid of anything at any moment during a kiss. Be fearless within reason, because dude’s dig that. Don’t hold back.
  3. Alternate lips: You have two of them, so don’t be afraid to focus on one or the other and alternate. There’s actually well over 100 times more nerve endings in your lips than on your fingertips. Apart from that, alternating lip focus with a partner is not only extremely sexy, but it also makes you feel like you’re in a movie! Don’t believe me? Try it.
  4. Mindful mouth: This isn’t what it sounds like, but it’s extremely important for both men and women. Be very aware of what you’ve recently eaten, or, for the ladies, what you put on your lips. Lip balm, gloss, stick, whatever. All of that stuff does something you might not be aware of. It activates sweetness receptors in your partners mouth sending yet another sense into overdrive. If you do this, also be mindful of the clothes you chose to wear that night or day. He may get a bit too passionate.
  5. Do the A-Frame: This, according to Cosmopolitan Magazine, which I’m told is a monthly women’s almanac, is when you and your lover are kissing with your hips apart thus creating an “A” figure from a side view. Do you see it there? Doing this is a safe and secure way to “feel him out” and invite him in with the hips later in the kiss.

For the gentleman:

***I listed the ladies first because, well, you should always do that. But heed the information up there, boys, because we have the most learning to do in this department. Besides the lip gloss/stick recommendation. Only try that if you’re really into that sort of thing.

  1. Your tongue + her esophagus = you’re doing it wrong: There’s no easier, or more creative, or catchier way to say that. Just don’t do it. Your tongue is not Mike Tyson’s right arm throwing quick, energetic jabs. At the same time, your tongue is also not a dead, dank fish, either. Give it some life, but be aware of what she’s doing with hers as well. I’ll be surprised if this shocks anyone, but this is always the first complaint women have about bad kissers. You’re kissing her, for goodness sake, not performing a tonsillectomy.
  2. Timing is key: Especially with that (somewhat) startling statistic above about first kiss impressions, this is important to remember. Don’t kiss her at that all you can eat fish fry. Instead, wait until you drop her off at her place when you walk her to the door. Have mints on deck and at the ready. The same goes for subsequent kisses after the first. Always be aware of the setting and her comfort levels with PDA (if applicable).
  3. Use your hands: HOLD ON. Hold on just a second. There’s two very essential and important ways to do this, and I don’t recommend deterring much from either, especially if it’s among the first couple kisses. First, when initiating the kiss, pick her chin up lightly with your hand. When you begin to kiss, lightly place your hands on her cheeks. Run your fingers through her hair. Lightly. Second, lightly place your hands on her lower back (not her butt, perv) and draw her hips lightly towards you. Much like the “A-Frame” technique mentioned above, bringing the hips together will increase desire and drive dramatically.
  4.  Go 90% of the way: Any Will Smith fans out there? Hitch said it best, but I’ll give it a try. Often guys are far too aggressive when kissing a women. This is exclusively true for the first couple kisses. Why? Because dudes get nervous. No offense ladies, but it’s often the man in the equation that is responsible with initiating the kiss. It can be intimidating. So, as Hitch encourages, do 90% of the work and let her come the other 10%. If she truly wants you, that’s very little effort to give. And if she doesn’t:
  5. Listen to her: Not only the words she speaks, but also listen to her body. Listen to her breathing. Listen to her cooing. Try to find some subtle hints that what you’re doing is right, or something she’s enjoying. If you’re unsure, sincerely ask her when you’re not in the middle of getting down to business. Does it sound lame? Maybe. But both men and women are brilliantly wrapped enigmas that are more or less uncrackable. Listen. Also, kiss her on the neck. Rumor on the street is women love that.

Kissing can be overwhelming, but don’t let it overcome you. Kissing can make you nervous, but don’t lose your cool. Kissing can be scary, but not as scary as the idea of doing it completely wrong and disappointing your lover. Don’t let it get you down. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t hold back (within reason).

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Because we all want to be loved, we all want to be held, and we all, so desperately, want that fireworks kiss.

Go get yours.

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Featured photo credit: Kissing / Huffington Post via i.huffpost.com

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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