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How to Forgive Someone You Really Hate

How to Forgive Someone You Really Hate

Man is a social animal and ought to socialize, but with company around, there are times when egos tend to mingle along as well. This could result in exchanges of words that could put a strain on relationships. Continuous bashing of words with an individual could turn ugly and lead to hatred.

The impact of hatred

Hating someone is injurious to one’s own health since it causes anger within, and this annoyance can take a toll on one’s health if it builds too high.

Why Forgive?

Mental balance applies towards good health. Since health is wealth, forgiveness is the way to go. Forgiving someone is like having a mental balance by letting go of any resentment or grudges towards an individua, which will help to clear the conscience and is very crucial for resolving relationships.

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There are a couple of C’s involved in burying the hatchet:

  • Categorize

Many a time, we are not aware of why we hate someone and continue to walk on a path that disturbs one’s mental and physical well-being. We should be able to recognize the pattern that arises when we come across a certain human being. Once we are able to categorize the pattern, we can move to the next step

  • Cause

We should try to search within ourselves with regard to what and how the individual has hurt us, and why we hate them. Finding a cause helps us to bring closure within ourselves, and we can open up to discussion within the self, and even with the person whom we hate.

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  • Confront

Coming face-to-face with the person whom one hates is a challenge, but confronting the individual will lead to peace of mind and a sound sleep at night. Brave up and face that person.

  • Conversation

Once in the presence of the person who is hated, start a conversation and communicate about what bothers you. Being frank about what and how that person’s behavior irks oneself will help both discuss issues, and will eventually lead to clarification.

  • Contrite

Apologizing to the disliked person can do wonders for one’s physical and mental being, bringing happiness and contentment. Keeping one’s egos aside and expressing remorse is the key to forgiveness.

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  • Be Compassionate with yourself

Once you forgive a person, be patient and kind to your self. Time is a big healer, thus give time to heal—physically and emotionally. Express your pain and anxiety, and do not keep it bottled up. Appreciate the goodness of people around you, and visualize a new life with positive energy each day. This will help to shape each day free of pain and suffering.

  • Caution

Once you made amends, set your boundaries to avoid repeating history so that you do not get hurt again. Be sure to keep a good distance from the person who triggered chaos in your mind and made you lose your sleep at night. Since we cannot change an individual, it’s smart to keep away from them.

Humans want to walk on the forbidden path, and there are chances that we can get attracted to people who have raised our blood pressure previously. Thus, retrain your thinking by wishing well about the person whom you just forgave. Hope the best for him while being intelligent and making wise decisions with respect to your mental well-being.

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Conclusion

We all share this planet, so it’s important to make amends with your self, and learn to forgive those who hurt your feelings. Forgiveness is yours, and to live a life without forgiveness is choosing a life full of hurt and stress. You are doing yourself a favor by learning to forgive others.

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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