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How to Borrow Money from Friends or Relatives (Without Ruining Your Relationships)

How to Borrow Money from Friends or Relatives (Without Ruining Your Relationships)

In the words of William Shakespeare, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” The problem with borrowing or lending money is that it poses a serious threat to your relationships. Borrowing money from family and or friends is especially risky because it puts you in an awkward situation and can easily taint a perfectly good relationship. For example, being in debt to your mother or best friend can lead to feelings of guilt and associated problems when you realize you can’t pay back your debt on time–or at all.

If you care about your relationships, you will try to avoid borrowing money completely. Even if you are able to pay back the money you owe in full and on time, it still can change the nature of your relationship forever. That being said, asking for money from someone you care about is often the surest refuge out of a difficult financial fix. If you must borrow money from family or friends, do it as the very last resort and only for temporary financial shortfalls.

Here are some basic guidelines to help you borrow money from friends or relatives safely without ruining your relationships:

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1. Be honest about your financial situation

Personal finance is a topic that most of us would rather not discuss. But, if you are asking for financial help, it is necessary to show some level of humility and a willingness to be honest about your financial condition. This is necessary because your lenders will want to know how you will use money they give you.

Don’t paint an eternally rosy picture of your financial condition when it is not all that rosy. Explain all the risks involved honestly so your friend fully understands what she is getting into from the outset. Being transparent will also create room for her to be honest too and give you genuine advice.

2. Borrow only for essential stuff

Never borrow money to obtain non-essential things like a new smartphone or to invest in volatile markets like the stocks. Borrowing money to obtain unnecessary stuff is not prudent at all. Your brother-in-law will also not be amused if you ask a significant sum from him and blow it all in a single event, such as a party.

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Ask for a loan from relatives to address real emergencies, such as hospitalizations. If you must borrow to invest, invest in solid things that appreciate steadily like an education or a house. Just be prudent about how you use your loan and make sure your friend or family member invests a comfortable amount, in case things go sour.

3. Put it on paper

Treat loans from family members and close friends just like you would treat any other loan. Put your loan on paper and document the loan terms, principal, interest rate, and repayment frequency. This helps to minimize risk of a misunderstanding in the future and ensures your friend is clear on when to expect repayments and when the loan should be fully settled.

Also, record any provisions for repayment extensions or reliefs in case you are unable to repay your loan as agreed upon. Of course, you can do away with this formality especially where the loan is only a small amount. But, it’s recommended you insist on documenting the loan just to be on the safe side.

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4. Pay up on time

This goes without saying. Once you agree on the loan repayment terms, be professional and stick to them. Pay your loan on time without making excuses. Remember that a personal relationship you turned into a business relationship is at stake here and not just another random relationship.

If your financial situation improves before the loan repayment period lapses, pay off the loan early. This will be a pleasant surprise to your friend or family member and may help you win back some of the “points” you lost by taking the loan in the first place.

5. Maintain communication

If you are struggling with your repayments, don’t run or start hiding from your lender. Hiding gives a bad impression that you don’t intend to repay the money you owe. Maintain communication throughout the life of the loan and be honest and sincere about your situation. Being honest might take away more “points” from you, but it at least allows you to keep some of your honor.

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Resist the urge to get agitated when your friend or relative starts to nag or hound you to pay up. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you would feel if you were the one on the other side. You would likely also remind him constantly to pay up. Take it in stride and pay some amount back even if it is only a fraction of what you owe to demonstrate sincerity and ease the tension.

6. Return the favor

Life has a way of turning things on their heads. In time, you may find the friend or relative who helped you out of your financial fix is in need of help themselves. Return the favor extended to you by offering yourself and your resources to help them out. Do this even if you repaid your debt with interest or had incidents when your relationship was strained by the loan. Showing this kindness to others is a mark of maturity and reflects well the favor paid to you—and it was a favor!

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David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on October 22, 2019

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

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Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

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Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

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Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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