What do you do when someone yells at you for no fault of your own? How do you respond when someone hurts you?
People out there have been hurt in some way or the other at some point of their lives, and much of the rude and harsh behavior people display may be due to a kind of displacement behavior to their own hurt feelings. The driver who yelled at you, the friend who spoke behind your back, the boss who bellowed at you—all may have been hurting, which made them act the way they did. The hurt ones often brood hatred in their hearts and they spread it along, perpetuating the hurt-hate-hurt cycle.
Fortunately we have people who go out of their way to try and comfort and heal such hurt souls. They are, however, often seen as “advice givers”, “moral policemen” and “the over-righteous” and are simply hurt back. This article is about how to take courage to stop the hurt-hate-hurt cycle, and how to avoid getting hurt in the process.
1. Let go of your ego.
It may not be your fault. It may be injustice against you, but before you respond to the situation, it is wise to think a little about how to handle the situation, putting aside your ego and hurt. You can always hurt back and perpetuate the hurt-hate-hurt cycle, or you may think proactively and maturely and heal the other person and come to a peaceful solution instead. To fight back doesn’t require much strength, but to put aside your hurt ego and to restore peace with your fellow humans, and to stop the hurt-hate-hurt cycle requires great patience and a noble heart. This doesn’t mean you should let yourself be abused or taken advantage of; you will always know the limit of how much you can bear. The more the strength you have, the more you’ll be able to turn the situation for the better for the peace of all. If you’ve hurt back at any point of time, be prompt to apologize.
2. Listen to understand. not to judge.
The greatest help you can give a hurt soul is a pair of listening ears & an understanding heart. Listen to people intently as they verbalize their feelings and do not try to judge them, for you’ll never have the advantage of walking in their shoes. Just listen carefully and make sure your body language expresses your interest in the conversation and the genuine concern your heart holds.
After listening to them, you may come to understand yet another dimension of the problem which you might have never conceived of! You will now be in a better position to show care and compassion, and it will also be easier to empathize with the hurt person.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
3. Choose the right words.
Words are a great source of power. Words can connect, words can enlighten, and can even demolish a nation. Choose words that are gentle and soft, consoling and caring in nature. Make sure that people understand that they are loved and accepted as they are. Communicate to them that in a world full of flaws and frustrations, there is always hope for the better.
For some people, you may have to point out their faults to them and give them stern advice to change their ways. Do so gently while you leave an impression that you are acting out of compassion and not out of hatred, and help physically whenever possible—merely listening and offering compassionate words may not suffice. Offer physical help whenever it is required, and when it is within your capacity to do so.
4. Be a messenger of peace.
These are just a few things that have worked for me to annihilate hatred and spread peace. You can undoubtedly find even more ways to do so when you commit yourself to spread peace instead of hatred. It may require a deal deal of patience and sacrifice from your side, but the transforming influence that it will have on you and your surroundings will be your motivation. Go ahead and break the hurt-hate-hurt cycle.
All the best, peace warrior. The world needs you.