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Get Naked: 6 Compelling Ways To Improve Your Relationship With Your Spouse

Get Naked: 6 Compelling Ways To Improve Your Relationship With Your Spouse

Good. Bad. Indifferent. Loving. Critical. Close. Distant.

What comes to mind when you hear the word spouse?

Think about it: every year on birthdays, anniversaries, and special holidays, we find ourselves sending out cards with cookie cut lyrics and rhythmic poetry to communicate to our spouses what that word means to us. Only one thing will be required of us — a signature.  If our relationships are distant or detached, there will be nothing more. No note, no heartfelt emotions, just a signature.

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So what, you might ask? That’s the best way to deal with a spouse you might have a sub-par relationship with, isn’t it? Maybe, but if you’re tired of the mediocre life you’re living with your spouse, you have a chance to do something different — something that might bring healing to the dry and empty places in your own soul. Get naked.

You heard it. Get naked. That means if you want to change the relationship dance with your spouse, you have to be willing to do something different. That starts with getting real with your mate — even if it hurts. Even if you feel stripped naked.

What does that look like? How can we actually get naked? Here are a few ways:

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Be willing to confront

Nobody likes conflict, especially men, but conflict doesn’t have to be all bad if you learn to see it through a different lens — the lens of opportunity. Conflict can serve as a window into your spouse’s soul and a chance to see and understand their fears, hurt, and frustrations. Let’s face it: none of us are perfect, and if we go into conflict with the idea that maybe we can listen and learn something from our mate, it will change the way we relate.

Be willing to be vulnerable

When we’ve been hurt, it’s easy to check out, build walls, and close up shop. That’s the worst thing we can do to solve relationship problems. Try talking in the first person using “I” statements when communicating your feelings: “I felt upset and devalued the other day,” or “I’m feeling like I’m not a priority to you.” Those statements go a lot farther than “You always treat me badly,” and “You never take me out.”

Be willing to forgive

Forgiveness can be hard, especially if we’ve been wounded over and over. But forgiveness is a means of release for the one holding the debt — you! Do it for your own benefit. Start by making a decision to forgive, and then practice the virtues of empathy, love, sympathy, and compassion towards your spouse.

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Be willing to love in spite of your hurt

It’s easy to love people when they’re treating us great — no challenge there — but can you love someone when they’re grumpy, sour, or just plain annoying? You can if you chose to. Try a gentle tone, a kind word, or a gracious act of service. You’ll like yourself a whole lot better too.

Be willing to draw necessary boundaries

No one should be screamed at, belittled, or abused in any other way. Boundaries are necessary, especially if your mate does any of the above. Dr. John Townsend has written a great book called Boundaries in Marriage if you need a little help.

Be willing to admit your wrongs

Man up and be willing to say these nine little words that will change your relationship dance: I’m sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me? Period. No “but this is why I did this,” or “but you did this so I did that.” Stick with the script and see what happens.

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Relationships aren’t always easy, but everything that’s worth anything comes with a price. If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired in your relationship, the only way things will change is if you do something different. If you wait for the other person to move first because you think that’s an indication of their love and commitment, don’t. They may not know what to do or how to start. Be the bigger person.

If your relationship is in serious trouble, seek help with a professional counselor. Then, the next time you go to buy a card for your mate, you may actually mean what it says inside.

Back at you: What challenges have you faced in your relationship that have kept you stuck, and what fears have held you back from getting naked?

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Rita Schulte LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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