Advertising
Advertising

Every Blogger Should Avoid These 15 Mistakes To Get Popular

Every Blogger Should Avoid These 15 Mistakes To Get Popular

A lot of bloggers are constantly on the hunt for a better design, higher quality content, sharper photography and many more viewers than they already have.

While there’s nothing bad about investing more money and time in your blog, you might find it easier to try “removing” some things before adding more.

Especially if you run a small to medium sized blog, these 15 eye-opening tips will help you eliminate some behaviors that are getting in your way. In order to make your hard work get the feedback it deserves, you should avoid these common blogging mistakes.

1. Not having a clear motivation for blogging

When blogs started to come around, they were digital formats of journals and diaries. But today the options are endless and you can make your blog about whatever you feel like. What’s important about having a clear motivation is that it will keep you on track and remind you why you started everything when things become rough (because they will soon) or when you lack ideas.

How to avoid it:

Be clear about why you want to blog and this will help you shape up the content you’re creating, and readers will find it much easier to recognize your voice.

2. Relying on giveaways and other shortcuts to attract readers

You will for sure get a ton of comments if you host giveaways. You will acquire many new viewers as soon as you do a linkup, and of course people will sign up for your weekly newsletter if you offer them a free e-book.

But I bet readers won’t even remember your blog’s name after they comment on the giveaway and they might trash the newsletter email because your name or blog won’t sound familiar.

How to avoid it:

It’s better to have ten readers that comment daily and spread your content with friends than a thousand new subscribers that don’t even know who you are. For your next giveaway, you might want to ask your readers what keeps them coming back to your blog or what they’d like to see more of, so you’ll get to know what works and what doesn’t.

3. Creating content that is fashionable or searchable for the moment

There’s no reason why you can’t create vacation posts come summer, but writing about the latest trend in yoga classes while you barely go to the gym yourself won’t do anyone a favor.

Advertising

Readers notice unnatural and suspicious content immediately and there’s nothing worse for your blog than to make people feel like you’re treating them as dummies.

How to avoid it:

While it’s okay to experiment occasionally, you’d better stick to blogging about what comes natural to you, what you love doing and what you are trying to learn. Nobody is going to demand everything from you, that’s why there are so many blogs out there.

4. Obsessing with numbers and page views

While the bitter truth is that low numbers mean only a few people are reading what you pour your hard work into, bigger numbers don’t automatically mean the whole world is appreciating your work. You might get a crazy view count once a post is shared through a famous website, but if you haven’t prepared your blog for that, the next day will be low in numbers as always.

How to avoid it:

Create content for your target audience from day one. When those readers meet your blog, they will find what they need, subscribe and never leave you again.

Also, choose to work with companies that focus on the importance of what a single person has to say and not only rely on numbers and statistics.

5. Not replying to readers’ comments

There’s no biggest joy for a blogger than reading comments. But somehow a week has gone by and you haven’t answered those questions about your design process yet or haven’t thanked the nice reader who wrote a long paragraph expressing how your last post changed their life. Sound familiar?

How to avoid it:

Even if you have thousands of comments to read daily, try answering the readers’ questions. Also, don’t forget a few “thank you-s” every now and then through social media channels or at the bottom of a post. Consider doing it especially when your readers’ reactions surprised you so they are constantly reminded you appreciate the time they devote to your blog.

6. Looking around for inspiration before writing your posts

Sometimes you are drained and no idea seems decent to put out there. So you assume it’s the perfect time to browse favorite blogs for inspiration. Beside risking spending the whole day in front of the screen and doing nothing else, you will probably get input from someone else and post about the same thing. Or perhaps the visuals you see will make you want to design a similar style for your own post.

Advertising

How to avoid it:

Try to compile your content schedule at least a week or two upfront, so you won’t be particular to current trends and follow what everyone else is doing. If you write your posts and publish them on the same day, make it a strict rule not to browse other websites unless you’ve hit publish on your post for the day.

7. Not sharing the love

There are so many hard working bloggers out there with a distinctive voice. You probably discover at least an article/post/essay daily that is worth sharing. But sometimes you are too busy to make that happen or even assume the blogger doesn’t need your share because they already have so many followers.

How to avoid it:

What you share is equally important to what you create. So you better have “worth reading” links in between your own posts. You might also want to consider discovering and sharing the work of less known bloggers, in order to stray away from links that have made the round of internet already. Consider sharing amongst your own niche or completely different themes too, while mixing the two together.

8. Not networking

It’s not impossible to thrive in blogging without networking, but it could be extremely hard. Especially if you come from a country full of great bloggers, it might be a pain to get noticed. In addition, blogging is a relatively new profession and not many people understand many things about it, so having someone to talk to about difficulties or just to celebrate a milestone is crucial.

How to avoid it:

Don’t be shy to reach out first and tell someone you read his/her blog daily and appreciate the hard work. Be personal, mentioning a specific thing you like, such as their sense of humor or the beautiful photography. If possible, organize meetings with bloggers living near you. You might end up getting along in real life and support each other in the online world too.

9. Posting something light, just to fill in a day

Life happens and more often than expected, bloggers don’t have everything together.

You could have overslept, taken a longer vacation time to join your family on the beach or just can’t come up with great ideas. If you always aim for high quality content, a light and fluffy post won’t look good a year from now and you will regret posting it. It’s better not to post anything at all than something you’re not proud of.

How to avoid it:

Advertising

On days like that, you can ask a fellow blogger to guest post on your blog or you can just share your best old content in a new way, by doing a thematic round up of links. However, don’t be afraid to be real with your readers. If they know you’re not feeling okay or something is going on in your life, their support might get you back on track faster.

10. Falling into the comparison trap

With so many websites posting great content multiple times a day, with flawless images and well researched texts, it’s not easy to keep feeling proud about your own blog at all times. What you shouldn’t forget is that many blogs are run by a team and they need a lot of money to run smoothly, so they are accepting far more sponsors than you are.

How to avoid it:

Notice when you blog faster and when ideas strike write them down. Try to do writing in bulk, take pictures on a good lighting day and edit everything at once. These will make your blogging much faster and organized. Also, don’t forget that you’re doing your best. Consistency, quality and honesty are valued more than anything else you might bother with.

11. Accepting every single offer that comes your way

It might be tempting to say “yes” to every email that says, “We love your blog! Would you like to work with us?”, especially when you’ve just started blogging. While that might be fun at first, spending your time and your valuable blog space with companies that you’re not interested in is such a wasteful way of blogging.

How to avoid it:

Work to achieve  your dream collaborations and create the work you want your favorite people/brands to see when they come across your blog. Be selective and don’t be afraid to say “no” when the proposal is not a great fit. But be kind and leave some doors open for possible future collaborations.

12. Telling people to do something just because you think so

Indicating you know best or have heard a lot of people say so is not the right tactic to approach your readers. Phrases like “go out and buy this” or “stop doing this today” are not professional and might even offend readers.

How to avoid it:

Give people options and tips based on different conditions. If you’re talking clothes, consider examples based on budget. For beauty items, give an option for every skin type or age range. You should never say a particular thing is the only or best answer.

13. Not personalizing sponsored content

No matter how much bloggers want to believe the contrary, most readers are put off by sponsored content and especially posts written by a brand representative. Every blog is a personal space and the owner can do anything they like, but you better use your own voice to express things. It is important that sponsored content is sparse and clearly stated as such.

Advertising

How to avoid it:

Even if you are reviewing a product you were sent for free or you accepted money from the brand, everything will seem more reliable if you share your own experience. This way the readers will know your opinion is true and it’s not the money you were given that made you love an unheard of before gadget.

14. Ignoring user experience

It is very easy to spend all of your time on making sure your design is cohesive, with easy to read text. But what you might miss is that your website could not load correctly on a different browser or pop up ads might appear every time a reader clicks on a link.

Also, don’t forget that colors never look the same on two different screens. So you might want to check things before you spend all your time perfecting them for your own browser/monitor/device.

How to avoid it:

Follow yourself on every social media and subscribe via email to see how everything looks from a reader’s perspective. Notice if things are published on time, how the graphics look on different formats and if the post looks the same on a mobile browser. It might seem like a chore to do, but it’s crucial to try it  when you start out and every time you switch hosts, blog URL or launch a redesign.

15. Not giving readers enough options to follow you

No one can deny that keeping up with all the social media platforms is a huge task. Adding the new ones that seem to appear daily out of nowhere, things surely get insane. But since blogging relies heavily on social media, you can’t justify not using them correctly. You should not only use these platforms to promote your blog and your latest posts, but also treat them as the readers’ tool to keep in touch with you.

How to avoid it:

Try to be on all the social media your users are, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, Pinterest, Bloglovin, to mention a few. You can cut time by using apps that schedule posts. Also, don’t forget to provide the option to your readers to subscribe by email.

Featured photo credit: http://deathtothestockphoto.com/ via deathtothestockphoto.com

More by this author

30 unusual things to do at night during your travels 30 Unusual Things You Can Do At Night During Your Travels birthday gifts Do People Really Want Birthday Gifts? Every Blogger Should Avoid These 15 Mistakes To Get Popular Every Blogger Should Avoid These 15 Mistakes To Get Popular 26 Simple Ways To Add Style To Your Home 11 Things To Let Go Of And You 11 Things To Let Go Of And You’ll Be More Productive

Trending in Communication

1 Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional? 2 12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner 3 8 Proven Ways to Learn a New Language Fast 4 5 Best Language Learning Apps to Master a New Language 5 5 Ways to Make the Best Use of Extrinsic Motivation

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 11, 2019

Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

A dysfunctional family is more than disagreement or constant arguments. Anything from plain neglect, to abuse and even verbal and physical violence is the everyday experience of those who are part of a dysfunctional family.

You know how this looks:

  • Parents constantly comparing children.
  • Siblings in conflict because of tolerated bullying.
  • Domestic violence.
  • Adultery…
  • And many others.

For all the members, this will mean emotional pain and even trauma; which, in case it doesn’t get resolved, will have a detrimental effect on the individual’s personality and development.

Needless to say, the younger members are the most vulnerable, but that doesn’t mean the parents are out of danger, as most commonly the parents play the roles of abuser-codependent, and in some cases, both parts inflicting pain on one another.

Most like to think these problems stem from deep-seated issues, and that therefore it’s pretty much impossible to deal with them.

This is only true for families not willing to do what it takes, for if only a single member is determined and knows how to do it, the whole family can do a lot of progress.

In this article, I’ll break down for you the basic steps of fixing a dysfunctional family. Although it may seem hopeless, it is possible to turn things around.

If you have ever felt in this position, or if you know somebody who is, this article is for you.

How to fix a dysfunctional family

In a few words the solution for a dysfunctional family lies in dropping the ego, focusing on the solution, switching blame for responsibility and doing the work as a unity, for the good of the whole family.

And this will accomplish things you once only saw as a dream.

Dropping the ego? Switching blame for responsibility? Doing the work? What does all this mean?

It’s simple. In a nutshell, it’s that which will allow you to turn a dysfunctional family into a functional one.

Let’s take a look at how exactly this can be done. And near the end we will also talk about what you can do in a dysfunctional family with cynical traits.

Dysfunctional families where not only problems are well-known, but also nobody seems to want a fix or openly decide to perpetuate the harmful behaviors. Such as the case of abuse and physical violence.

There is also a solution for these, it’s just not what you are expecting…

Dysfunctional… Or just average?

Most families are dysfunctional, though at varying degrees of dysfunctionality.

The milder cases, are just marked by “typical” comically-shrouded bullying or lack of interest in other members’ development or wellbeing.

You can know a family is dysfunctional if their interactions are anything different than cooperation, solidarity, care and support. But let’s get more specific…

A dysfunctional family is one in which members directly or indirectly suffer emotional and/or physical harm inflicted by other members of their family. Most commonly, perpetrated by the parents.

Even harmful actions as “passive” as neglect, which is inflicted by inaction rather than action, signifies a dysfunction within the family.

Dysfunctional families have conflicts such as:

  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Lack of interest and time spent together
  • Sexism
  • Utilitarianism
  • Lack of empathy
  • Unequal or unfair treatment
  • Disrespect towards boundaries
  • Control Issues
  • Jealousy
  • Verbal and physical abuse
  • Violence and even sexual misconduct or abuse

You may think a dysfunctional family has very little or nothing to do with personal productivity, but you would be wrong in thinking this way…

If a person is not emotionally well, she will not be able to perform as desired, as the emotional harm that has been inflicted will hinder everyday performance in the way of inability to concentrate, lack of mental clarity and low levels of inspiration, motivation and discipline.

Having a functional family does exactly the opposite: It creates productive members with no emotional baggage.

How to turn it around

When you’re part of a dysfunctional family you know it. You can quickly identify in other members the behaviors and conflicts that create the dysfunction.

But just in case you’re having trouble telling functional from dysfunctional I will tell you the following:

One of the easiest ways you can recognize if you are in a dysfunctional family is to survey your won feelings.

We often overlook this, but have you stopped to ask yourself how you feel?

Advertising

As cheesy as it may sound it really sheds a lot of light on the subject.

What behaviors, actions and attitudes in your family you wish were better?

Do you think certain behaviors and actions from your family marked you in the past?

Sadly, we cannot go back to the past to correct it. But we can do a lot in the present…

Correction is possible

In order to fix a dysfunctional family, you must start by putting an end to the behaviors and actions that are affecting you.

Verbalize it.

All members of the dysfunctional family have one issue in common: They don’t put a stop to the harm.

Whenever you feel your boundaries being overstepped there is just one single word you have to remember: STOP.

This is the door to a better, more functional family, because after this, comes the fix.

But first you have to identify and make others know where exactly lies the problem.

So go ahead and fearlessly start with “Stop”, followed by your expression of dissatisfaction.

Putting it to work in real life

In real life it would be something like this:

“OK, stop! Every time you belittle me I feel you don’t care. I need attention and respect, and it is your responsibility as my family to provide them to me”

Or:

“Stop. When you compare me with my cousin it hurts, I feel like I don’t matter and that’s not ok. I ask you to stop doing it.

Or:

“Please stop. When you start yelling all respect is lost and it turns into a battle of who can do it louder. Don’t raise your voice and let’s work this out the way humans do”.

As you can see, here you start by putting a stop to the toxic behavior when it arises. And afterwards you verbalize why it’s wrong and what needs of you need to be fulfilled.

This is what you have to remember:

1-Stop.

2-Why it’s wrong?

3-What you need.

And this will also work well in case you need to do it for another family member.

It’s a family thing

A dysfunctional family cannot be fixed by one member alone.

Yes, a single member can initiate progress and be the leader of the change. But in order to completely become functional all members must contribute to the solution.

In other words, you will need cooperation…

So don’t be afraid of asking for it!

Approach your family member and ask to be listened.

Advertising

We sometimes feel our needs are “not that important” or we simply believe they won’t listen. But thinking like this would be like being defeated at an unfought battle.

You will be amazed by how much people listen when you voice your needs, especially if it implies showing yourself open, vulnerable and in need.

It’s not a free-for-all battle

In order to get your family to cooperate, first you must fix your individual relationships with every member of the family. Remember: Relationships are always between two people, and two people only.

No matter how complex, the quality of a multi-member relationship (like a family) will always depend on the quality of the individual relationships.

Once you have straightened the relationship with every member of the dysfunctional family you will be able to better communicate with other members and help in the betterment of their individual relationship.

And this is where we will talk about the fix itself. The one I mentioned in the introduction…

The method

1. Drop the ego

Wherever there is conflict there is ego.

You cannot fix a relationship where there is ego, because the ego will want to win. Always. Yours and the other person.

Ego craves control and satisfaction, and in many cases, to establish dominance.

What does this have to do with a dysfunctional family? Everything. Ego will interfere with every plan you have to fix it.

It will make people suborn and defensive. And it will also make them drop responsibility. This is why, the first step is to drop the ego.

After you make sure you are not going to allow your ego to interfere you must work to make the other person do the same. How? By speaking from the heart…

Tell the other person how important all this is to you.

Tell the other person that it’s not a matter of arguing, but just working things out together.

Point out how it is not possible for you to do it alone.

And ask for sincere attention without any desire of opposition, because what you are doing is by no means in the hopes of harming the other person, but just to better the relationship and stop the damage being dealt to you.

You will have to point out the mistakes you need corrected, that’s for sure. And that leads me to the next point…

2. Not blame, but responsibility

When talking about others’ mistakes we often use an accusatory tone. And that’s natural, it’s what things should be like if ego was not present.

But since we are all creatures of ego, this immediately brings the shields up. And then unsheathes the swords…

When we blame others they automatically enter a defensive state, and this only leads to a failed negotiation.

What you need to do is to shift from blame to responsibility. And even that will have to be done carefully!

Instead of telling them off or demanding change or complaining, calmly point what the problem with their behavior is.

As much as this feels contradictory, also make them feel understood. You know how difficult it is to accept a mistake, so just make them feel it’s no big fuzz… which does not mean it’s ok, but it takes tension off.

You will do something like this:

“Hello dad. Can I talk with you for a minute? I really need to tell you something.

I have been feeling pretty sad lately and I know this is something you do care about.

You see, whenever I talk about my accomplishments you mention something else that makes my achievement pale in comparison.

I know you don’t do this intentionally and I know you might have not realized this until now, but I want to let you know this really brings me down.

Advertising

It would mean a lot to me if you could stop doing it, and it would help better our relationship, because this has already forced me to distance myself from you. And I don’t want that, I want a good, healthy relationship with you”

What happened here?

We started off with making it something important, something that needs both time and attention. Then we openly show ourselves vulnerable, just as we are.

We also mention why he should listen, and shove our feelings there again, because they are important.

We describe the issue with no attachment and with no hostile intention. It’s just a description.

And then we take the blame off. Just before we assign responsibility without actually saying it.

You are not blaming him directly, but you are pointing out the inevitable fact that his actions are causing a dysfunctionality. He is now responsible for changing.

This is what “switching blame for responsibility” means. What comes next? Doing the work!

3. Doing the work

What would any of this mean if, in the end, nothing changes? Exactly, nothing!

This is why you must follow up with every change that needs to be done.

Do so in a manner that is not hostile. Bring it up in a casual manner, and emphasizing how you both reached an agreement and how that is important to the family.

If the person doesn’t follow up don’t hesitate to bring it up again, and tell them you feel disappointed that your honest try at it was not listened.

It may even be a subject in itself, and therefore the need for another conversation.

“When you go back to old habits it shows that you didn’t really care about what I said. But back in real life you just reinforce how much contempt you show towards me and my feelings.

I talk with you because I care. Because although it would be easier for me to just distance myself from you I rather do my part in nurturing this relationship.

But there is just so much I can do, if you refuse to do your part I can do nothing else.”

You need very clear and positive communication in order to make this work.

Love is all you need

You must remember that in order for a dysfunctional family to become functional, all the work needs to stem from love.

That is the single one requirement for all this to work: Love.

And what happens if it simply is not there?

What happens if, nobody is willing to do what it takes?

What happens if a member of the family refuses to change and is happy with the harm he or she is dealing?

There is only one thing you can do:

To break away.

Let’s be honest, people, especially adults, are very difficult to change.

There is a Jewish proverb that I love, which sums it up like this:

“We spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn what we learned before we were 7”

If you find it very hard to change the very traits that make your family dysfunctional or if it’s simply impossible, you still have a card up your sleeve…

Advertising

Although nobody likes to beak away from family members, we must remember we have a responsibility with ourselves as individuals, before any relationship with anyone.

You have the responsibility of making yourself happy and free. Because you matter as an individual, regardless of any relationships you have, be it family, friendship or romantic.

Putting distance

So in case you are dealing with a family member who is simply unwilling to change take both physical and emotional distance.

What do I mean?

Learn, first, to take their damage in a detached manner.

Don’t let it hurt you further. Instead take a deep breath and distance yourself emotionally.

Don’t be attached to feelings such as “Why doesn’t she love me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” or “If he wasn’t like that my life would be perfect”.

Simply refuse to keep participating in the emotional downward spiral and accept, even if it’s painful” that there is nothing you can do. Accept that even without that relationship you are whole, you are worthy of love and respect.

They are their responsibility and you are yours. So decide what is best for you.

Realize it only comes down to two possibilities:

I keep the relationship and therefore accept the abuse. Or…

I choose my peace of mind.

And don’t let your mind fool you. We often think that since we all are imperfect, we must take the good and the bad behaviors of people. And we are especially forgiving towards our family…

Well, guess what? We are also responsible adults who are aware and must own to their acts. Never excuse abuse or violence or transgression towards you or anybody else.

Choose your happiness and if possible, also distance yourself physically, as it will increase your peace of mind tenfold.

How to prevent it

There are two key concepts you must bear in mind in order to prevent the dysfunctionality of a family:

  • To be completely aware of one’s own mistakes and not allow them to impact others and…
  • To make sure our SO’s are also on the same channel before creating a family (i.e. having children)

Dysfunctional families are the product of irresponsible paternity, for the decades-long unresolved emotional conflict ends up surfacing in the family inevitably, and it will for sure harm those who least deserve it: Innocent children.

You may notice we went from talking about family, to talking about individual relationships, to talking about you. We went from “them” to “us” to “me”.

Why? Because in the end you have the power to fix a dysfunctional family. To correct the mistakes you have in yours and to prevent dysfunctionalities if you don’t have a family but plan to create one.

Priorities and clear thought

You may be part of a dysfunctional family, but that does not mean you are powerless or that you have to suffer the consequences.

You learned today how it’s all a matter of priorities and thinking clearly.

You learned that, if love exists, everything is possible. You learned that even when there is no love and no fix for your dysfunctional family, there are still things you can do. It’s a matter of choosing your peace, because you deserve it.

Everything will be better if you apply this knowledge. If you talk to that problematic family member. If you help them see the harm they are doing. If you make sure they do change and treat you the way you need to be treated…

If you choose yourself over that toxic family member. If you refuse to justify the harm that others can do to yourself. If you realize the most important relationship you have is with yourself.

And lastly, that you also have to be aware of your actions and be open to criticism. Because we might be unknowingly harming others. And that would be us creating a dysfunctionality. Don’t allow it to happen.

Dysfunctional families are not impossible to fix. It just takes love, cooperation and responsibility.

But if you tried and those elements are not present, just choose yourself instead.

Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

Read Next