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Education Should be More than Academic Basics

Education Should be More than Academic Basics

    Smart and Stupid at the Same Time

    I’ve spoken before about human intelligence being a multi-dimensional thing and today I thought we’d take a brief look at, what I believe to be, one of the most important and valuable components of overall intelligence: Social Intelligence. Some people are very intelligent (capable, competent, efficient) when it comes to completing certain tasks but surprisingly inept (dare I say, stupid?) when it comes to others.

    You know what I mean.

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    This Piece Goes Where?

    Some people might suggest that I’m reasonably intelligent when it comes to writing, communicating and expressing my ideas but if those same people saw me trying to put together a piece of DIY furniture and understand the accompanying instruction sheet, they might (reasonably) conclude that I am, in fact, an idiot. It’s probably fair to say that my mechanical intelligence is low. Actually, no, low would be a significant step up.

    And if those same people saw the quizzical (confused, lost, stupid) look on my face in any movie with a plot more complex than Porky’s Revenge, they’d probably realise that their initial assessment was spot on. It’s fair to assume that I won’t be recruited by the FBI, NASA or MENSA any time soon. Sadly, I’m often confused and asking stupid questions before the opening scene has finished.

    Yep, smart comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes you won’t realise how smart somebody is until you’re stuck on an island with them and they build you a house, catch you some fish and save your life all before sunset. This might also be the same person who struggles to spell or calculate simple equations.

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    IQ Tests

    When most of us talk about measured intelligence we are generally talking about a score someone has achieved completing, what we know as, an IQ test. While a score from an IQ test can tell us a little about a person, there’s far more that it doesn’t tell us. And quite often the information an IQ test doesn’t provide is exactly what will make the difference between success and failure (depending on the task, of course).

    We all know at least one person who, if required, could write a quick overview of quantum physics in ten minutes (in three languages) yet would struggle to walk into a social setting and engage a stranger in casual conversation. Neither would they get your joke or know when they’re pissing someone off. And if they had to do something complex like change a baby’s nappy(diaper) (1) they’d panic and (2) they’d have to Google it.

    While there are several definitions for Social Intelligence, what I’m talking about today is our ability to interact effectively with other people in a range of settings, situations and circumstances. Following are some indicators of a person’s level of social intelligence.

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    How do you rate yourself on the following?

    • Being an active listener.
    • Reading and responding to non-verbal cues – keeping in mind that the majority of our communication is non-verbal.
    • Being able to create connection and build rapport.
    • Reading situations and people in those situations.
    • Knowing what is and what isn’t appropriate for that conversation and that moment.
    • Being able to avoid and, when necessary, resolve conflict.
    • Making others feel valued, respected and appreciated.
    • Knowing when to say nothing.
    • Knowing how to start a conversation.
    • Assessing the feelings of others and understanding a perspective other than your own.
    • Demonstrating humility.
    • Being able to hold a conversation with someone with whom you have nothing in common.
    • Being able to adapt your communication style for your audience (individual or group) in terms of language, vocabulary, volume, speed and content.
    • Being able to motivate, inspire and empower others.

    The Right Person for the Right Job

    Since I started my business (just after the last ice-age), I’ve employed somewhere in the vicinity of four hundred people. When I’m interviewing prospective staff I always rate people skills, communication and social intelligence above academic intelligence on the employability scale. Of course I want knowledgeable, qualified and technically competent staff but I’m acutely aware that those three ingredients don’t automatically equal a great trainer, teacher, coach, motivator or employee. It’s my experience that people with a high level of social intelligence are well suited to (the numerous) careers which involve significant face-to-face contact and social interaction.

    Over the years, I’ve met, worked with and employed many people who have had limited technical knowledge (to begin with) and basic qualifications yet they constantly produced great results, built fantastic relationships and were always in demand because they simply had a high level of social intelligence. They were smart where and when it counted. They had excellent awareness, empathy, insight, understanding and overall people skills.

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    A Different Education

    How great would it be if our school kids were part of an educational system which not only valued and taught the academic basics (mathematics, sciences, humanities), but also one that held the development of their social and interpersonal skills in the same esteem? If this were to happen, I believe our kids would come out of school much better prepared for the practical realities and challenges of life beyond the classroom. Imagine if they had the choice of elective subjects such as communication, conflict resolution, leadership, emotional intelligence and relationship building 101… just to name a few.

    Very cool.

    I might build that school.

    Let me know your thoughts on this topic.

    More by this author

    Craig Harper

    Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

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    Last Updated on April 14, 2021

    How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

    How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

    We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

    Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

    Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

    Expressing Anger

    Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

    Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

    Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

    Being Passive-Aggressive

    This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

    Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

    This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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    Poorly-Timed

    Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

    An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

    Ongoing Anger

    Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

    Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

    Healthy Ways to Express Anger

    What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

    Being Honest

    Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

    Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

    Being Direct

    Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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    Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

    Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

    Being Timely

    When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

    Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

    Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

    How to Deal With Anger

    If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

    1. Slow Down

    From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

    In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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    When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

    2. Focus on the “I”

    Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

    When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

    3. Work out

    When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

    Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

    Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

    If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

    4. Seek Help When Needed

    There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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    5. Practice Relaxation

    We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

    That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

    Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

    6. Laugh

    Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

    7. Be Grateful

    It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

    Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

    Final Thoughts

    Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

    During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

    Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

    More Resources on Anger Management

    Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

    Reference

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