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Oh So Disconnectedly Connected!

Oh So Disconnectedly Connected!

For many of us, we often find ourselves beginning our days by reading through our Facebook wall noticing all the fun things people around us (or at least in our virtual world) are doing. People are attending little league and major league baseball games, going on vacations, sharing fun pictures from family gatherings or simply while relaxing at home, and their latest travel updates. And in case you were wondering, of course we want to see your latest food creation, completed DIY Pinterest-approved project, an hour-by-hour visual of your day, including a sweaty picture of yourself posing with your treadmill, and all of those pictures of your kids. Without going any further, I will admit that I am definitely guilty of these things too!

It is interesting that although we have not seen many of our “friends” in some time, we are very up to date on all the on-goings in their lives. Is this virtual voyeurism? Or, how can we not be? It seems as though this is the main tool of connection we have among us, and it does allow us to see people we do not have the opportunity to see every day due to distance, circumstances, and time constraints. Why is this bad? Well, it’s not really, but it is a little ironic that as we become more connected in our virtual world, the less connected we might be in our real world. For some, this might be a good thing. After all, we like our identity we have created online, but, this can have consequences too. There has been a term in the media for some time now called “FOMO”, referring to the Fear of Missing Out. For a lot of us, we feel the need to check our Facebook wall first thing in the morning, experiencing some anxiety until we are caught up from anything we have potentially missed overnight. This is especially important if you have friends overseas with a completely different time zone. We definitely need to see what they ate dinner last night and who they were with. In addition to the frequency in checking out our news feed, we can also feel some negative emotions, such as frustration, sadness, or inadequacy, when looking at others’ lively posts and our lowly timeline wall. For some, we may just post those superficial “look at me, I’m really having fun!” pictures that do not really share a true depiction of our day.

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When we evaluate our social media participation, we need to maintain awareness that seeing is not believing. This can occur when you look at everyone else’s adventures and begin to feel as though you do not have the best things, have as much fun, or look as good as everyone else. This can extend to your kids or family as well: While it seems as though everyone else’s kids are well-behaved, fun-loving, achievement-driven, or simply charming 100% of the time, we might experience our own kids’ meltdowns and wonder why they cannot behave as we perceive others behaving. Are those parents not having a tough time ever?!

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Before we get too negative about social media, there are many positives: It is a great place to share and receive information, see what others are up to, and a way to feel part of a group from the comfort of your home or laptop. But, we need to be aware of social media boundaries. That is, being sure to stay connected in your real life without being consumed with your online life and keeping in mind that for most people, they are likely to mostly post the good going on. Just like we need to maintain a buffer when viewing the magazine industry’s constant Photoshop effects, we need to remind ourselves that what we see is not reality, just virtual reality!

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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