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Dealing with an Angry Spouse

Dealing with an Angry Spouse
Anger

    Many loving relationships turn sour just because of the fact that acrimonious words are said during outbursts of anger. This does not mean that the couple does not love each other. These angry exchanges result from differing motives, varied interests and philosophies. But if you truly want to try and make things better between the two of you, there are some solutions that you can try. Neither of these solutions is all-encompassing. No human relationship is identical and what may work for one pair may not work with another couple. Additionally, for some, combinations of these may work best.

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    Try and listen – Many couples stop actually listening to the other person after spending some initial time together. This can be disastrous to a relationship. A relationship requires sharing information, desires, ideas and frustrations. Giving a quite ear to listen will not only ensure a catharsis for your partner but will also give you an insight into the dynamic and changing personality of your spouse. Even during an angry outburst amidst being insulted, blamed and insinuations, maintain a calm demeanor. Have a rule that says that only one person can have an outburst at one time. Ignore the thoughts, rationalizations and excuses that come to your mind while you are being lambasted.

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    Introspection – Look deep inside and think whether certain actions of yours have caused a flare up in your spouse. You may have done something or said something inadvertently that resulted in aggressive behavior. If you really know your spouse then you will definitely be able think of the reasons behind a specific fight or argument.

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    Do not be judgmental – Do not regard the thoughts and feelings of your spouse as trivial and unworthy of attention. You may not be able to empathize with what your spouse is going through but you need to appreciate that he or she is a different individual and may have different emotional triggers. Trivializing the issue at hand can make matters worse since it is seen as belittling. If you cannot try and understand why your partner is feeling in a certain manner the least you can do is to not say counter-productive remarks like ‘you should not feel like this’.

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    Take time off – Decide to not speak to each other for a period of time if an argument is becoming too heated. If you feel the anger swelling up inside you due to something that was said, tell your partner that you will not converse till a more pleasant manner is assumed. Let it be known that you cannot tolerate being spoken down to, humiliated and belittled by blames and accusations.

    Just stop – If both of you are having issues with dealing wit anger, decide a signal or a code that you will use when the temperature begins to rise. This should be respected at all times and irrespective of anything. At times like this both of you need to back off, try and let out steam and calm yourself before talking again.

    Vishal P. Rao shares his insights and tips on holistic living at Relishing Life.

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    Last Updated on January 21, 2020

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

    Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

    So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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    1. Listen

    Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

    2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

    Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

    “Why do you want to do that?”

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    “What makes you so excited about it?”

    “How long has that been your dream?”

    You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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    3. Encourage

    This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

    4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

    After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

    5. Dream

    This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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    6. Ask How You Can Help

    Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

    7. Follow Up

    Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

    Final Thoughts

    By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

    Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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    Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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