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Dealing with an Angry Spouse

Dealing with an Angry Spouse
Anger

    Many loving relationships turn sour just because of the fact that acrimonious words are said during outbursts of anger. This does not mean that the couple does not love each other. These angry exchanges result from differing motives, varied interests and philosophies. But if you truly want to try and make things better between the two of you, there are some solutions that you can try. Neither of these solutions is all-encompassing. No human relationship is identical and what may work for one pair may not work with another couple. Additionally, for some, combinations of these may work best.

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    Try and listen – Many couples stop actually listening to the other person after spending some initial time together. This can be disastrous to a relationship. A relationship requires sharing information, desires, ideas and frustrations. Giving a quite ear to listen will not only ensure a catharsis for your partner but will also give you an insight into the dynamic and changing personality of your spouse. Even during an angry outburst amidst being insulted, blamed and insinuations, maintain a calm demeanor. Have a rule that says that only one person can have an outburst at one time. Ignore the thoughts, rationalizations and excuses that come to your mind while you are being lambasted.

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    Introspection – Look deep inside and think whether certain actions of yours have caused a flare up in your spouse. You may have done something or said something inadvertently that resulted in aggressive behavior. If you really know your spouse then you will definitely be able think of the reasons behind a specific fight or argument.

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    Do not be judgmental – Do not regard the thoughts and feelings of your spouse as trivial and unworthy of attention. You may not be able to empathize with what your spouse is going through but you need to appreciate that he or she is a different individual and may have different emotional triggers. Trivializing the issue at hand can make matters worse since it is seen as belittling. If you cannot try and understand why your partner is feeling in a certain manner the least you can do is to not say counter-productive remarks like ‘you should not feel like this’.

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    Take time off – Decide to not speak to each other for a period of time if an argument is becoming too heated. If you feel the anger swelling up inside you due to something that was said, tell your partner that you will not converse till a more pleasant manner is assumed. Let it be known that you cannot tolerate being spoken down to, humiliated and belittled by blames and accusations.

    Just stop – If both of you are having issues with dealing wit anger, decide a signal or a code that you will use when the temperature begins to rise. This should be respected at all times and irrespective of anything. At times like this both of you need to back off, try and let out steam and calm yourself before talking again.

    Vishal P. Rao shares his insights and tips on holistic living at Relishing Life.

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    Last Updated on August 16, 2018

    10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

    10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

    The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

    In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

    Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

    1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

    What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

    Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

    2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

    Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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    How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

    Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

    Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

    3. Get comfortable with discomfort

    One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

    Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

    4. See failure as a teacher

    Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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    Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

    Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

    10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

    5. Take baby steps

    Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

    Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

    Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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    The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

    6. Hang out with risk takers

    There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

    Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

    7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

    Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

    Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

    8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

    What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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    9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

    Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

    If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

    10. Focus on the fun

    Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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