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Dating in College: Expectation vs. Reality

Dating in College: Expectation vs. Reality

College is viewed in a completely different way before and after you attend. While kids and teenagers envision a place where they can run wild and free, adults look back at it as a valuable experience where they learned the necessary lessons to prepare for life. The reality is somewhere in the middle.

Dating has its own misconceptions, and dating in college gets even crazier. If you’re looking for real talk about sex, dating, and love in college, look no further. Here’s the perception and reality of dating in college.

1. Finding the One

Expectation: 

    Kids have this vision of a perfect person. They’re not looking for just any mate–they’re looking for that perfect soul mate. After hearing every set of parents discuss how they met and fell in love, kids have a perception that their ideal fantasy hook-up can and will happen.

    Reality: 

      Hindsight is 20/20. When adults reflect back on how they fell in love with their partner, they tell you an abbreviated 10-minute version of a story that took them 20 years (multiply by 525,600 to see how many minutes) to live through. They’re leaving out the parts where they desperately fantasized about celebrities or the popular girls in school. Real people are much different–keep your expectations in check.

      2. Sexting

      Expectation: 

        When you get someone’s number, you get excited, no matter how cool you try to act. You want to imagine the other person being equally giddy to hear from you. You start with some flirty messages, and the next thing you know, you’re sending nudes and suggestive texts. If they respond, they must be into it.

        Reality: 

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          Sexting is awkward. The least sexy thing I can do is play on my phone. Trying to replicate a sexual experience through text is a waste of time and it makes everyone uncomfortable. Save it for the date.

          3. Romance

          Expectation: 

            Now that everyone’s a mature adult over the age of 18, you imagine having creative and romantic encounters with mature college men and women. These are the cream of our nation’s crop, so they’ll have their act together and know how to treat you right.

            Reality: 

              College guys are selfish and ignorant, while the girls are clumsy and awkward. Nobody knows what they’re doing. They are all still just students, albeit older ones. Thirty-year-olds looks back at their college selves the same way college students looks back at their preteen selves.

              4. The First Kiss

              Expectation: 

                All the Hollywood movies make it look like the first kiss is the most important indicator of whether or not a relationship will last. So much pressure is put on that first kiss, and you want to see fireworks like you’ve always heard.

                Reality: 

                  You don’t realize how bad college students are at kissing until you kiss them. Kiss enough of them, and you’ll get better. Unfortunately, they’ll still try too hard to replicate what they’ve seen in the media and on the Internet.

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                  5. College Girls

                  Expectation: 

                    College girls are real women. These strong, smart, and sophisticated women must be like the ones on Sex and the City. You’re no longer dealing with the misguided and annoying teenage girls you grew up with–you’re in the big leagues.

                    Reality: 

                      These “women” may sound intelligent (and are likely quoting something they learned in their freshman Sociology class about how they are), but they’re every bit the same mess you are. They’re out of their parents’ house for the first time, and they’re learning how to act. It takes baby steps to maturity, and they’re not even close, no matter what some guy told them to get in their pants.

                      6. College Guys

                      Expectation: 

                        Tired of all those silly boys trying to lie their way into your pants, you’ve finally reached college–a place where you can date real men. These men are intelligent, witty, and sophisticated. It’s so refreshing to be surrounded by scholars and academics. Finally you can have an intelligent conversation with like-minded people who like you for your brains instead of your body.

                        Reality

                          The only thing worse than walking by those ignorant construction workers making cat calls at you is walking by a frat house. College guys are as sophisticated as a Twinkie. They may have ambition and all these great ideas, but they’re none of those things they say they are–they just aspire to be. The odds of them actually achieving these goals are slim, and they’re grossly unprepared to rise above the flock. Also, guys of every age are just trying to get in your pants; some are just willing to treat you like a human being to get there.

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                          7. First Date

                          Expectation: 

                            Dating is so exciting–from dinner and a movie to attending a festival or event, each date is an adventure that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Every detail has to be planned and perfect. You’re going to have such a great time.
                            Reality: 

                              A movie will set you back $20, dinner is another $50, and you’ll waste a quarter tank of gas traveling between the two. Everything costs money these days, and popular date ideas are even more expensive. If you’re lucky enough to have a job while in school, it doesn’t pay well. If you want to afford that lifestyle, you better start selling your plasma…or drugs…

                              8. Sex Life

                              Expectation:

                              couple bed

                                The colleges and universities on TV are filled with beautiful people attending huge parties and orgies. You may have left high school a virgin, but when you get to college, you’re going to get laid all the time. It’ll be exciting!

                                Reality: 

                                  You’re still you. If you lack confidence and common sense, you’re going to have just as hard a time getting laid in college as you did in high school. Your crush is dating a professor by the time you build the nerve to talk to her. If you’re lucky enough to hook up with someone, you probably sucked at it, and you’re unlikely to get a call back.

                                  9. The Morning After

                                  Expectation:

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                                    Having finished a wild night of passion, you just want to relax and lay next to someone. Maybe they’ll cuddle up a little bit, but not so much that you feel smothered. Who would’ve thought you’d bump into a successful music producer or investor at a party? You were drunk, but you managed to land a dime.

                                    Reality:

                                    what did i do

                                      Is this person male or female? What did I drink last night? It was a bad idea to snort coke off a stripper’s stomach. I gotta get outta here. Wait, I live here–I need to get them out of here before my roommates wake up.

                                      10. The End

                                      Expectation: 

                                        Maybe we’ll get married and start a family. If not, we’ll end things amicably and remain friends for the rest of our lives.

                                        Reality:

                                        hate everything

                                          Featured photo credit: PublicDomainPictures via pixabay.com

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                                          Last Updated on September 17, 2019

                                          10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

                                          10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

                                          Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

                                          But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

                                          Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

                                          1. Spend Time with Positive People

                                          If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

                                          Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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                                          2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

                                          When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

                                          Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

                                          3. Contribute to the Community

                                          One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

                                          Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

                                          4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

                                          Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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                                          Some recommendations for you:

                                          5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

                                          You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

                                          If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

                                          There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

                                          6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

                                          It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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                                          Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

                                          7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

                                          Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

                                          For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

                                          Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

                                          8. Offer Compliments to Others

                                          Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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                                          9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

                                          If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

                                          Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

                                          10. Practice Self-Care

                                          Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

                                          Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

                                          Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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