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A Shove with Love – A Kickstart to Change.

A Shove with Love – A Kickstart to Change.

Stepping into reality

Thought we might be a little less theoretical and philosophical, and a bit more practical today. Always nice to get out of our head and into reality. We all have behaviours and habits that we need to change and from time to time we all need a little encouragement and support, possibly a vigorous shove, to get under way. So I’m here today to give you a shove. You can relax and feel safe in the knowledge that I am a fully qualified and vastly experienced shover. I have shoved many over my journey, including a few statues who have made the job pretty tough. I know that some of you are career procrastinators who have been about to address certain less-than-desirable habits forever; always at the brink of something life-changing but never quite there. And that some of you have even started (four hundred times) but never actually maintained.

The caring sledgehammer

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    Knowing that many of you are perpetually waiting for the magical and mythical ‘right time’ (it doesn’t exist) and knowing that many of you struggle to create and maintain momentum, I thought that today I might give some of you a shove with love. You may even like it. I’ll be gentle. Gentle like a sledgehammer. A caring sledgehammer.

    Yep, I want you to identify one habit which you really need to change right now. Not soon, now. Not when it suits you, now. Not when you’re comfortable to do so, now. It can be any behaviour which is impacting negatively in some area of your life. It might be about food or exercise, it could be alcohol or drug related, it could have something to do with how you treat yourself or others, it might pertain to work, home or somewhere else. It may have something to do with how you deal with or react to certain situations, circumstances, events or people. It might be about your lifestyle, your finances, your long-term goals or perhaps some other kind of destructive habit (lying, stealing, violence, self-abuse, obsessive behaviours). You know what you need to change.

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    We all want to move from the negative to the positive in our life, that’s why we come to this site. But there needs to come a time when we stop planning, talking and thinking and start doing. Thinking doesn’t create change, doing does. Some of you think too much and do too little. You know it.

    One habit at a time

    The reason I want you to identify one habit (only) for this 28-day project is because the more things we try to change in a short time, the less likely we are to maintain those behaviours (what we want) and create life-long results. By identifying our single most destructive habit and addressing that in a strategic, practical and un-emotional manner, we greatly increase our chances of success. People who try to undo years of bad behaviours and change fifty habits in a short amount of time invariably fail. So let’s do what works.

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      Of course 28 days isn’t a lifetime but it’s enough time for me (and the other readers) to help you generate some momentum, build some enthusiasm and hopefully start to create some new habits, behaviours and attitudes to get you where you want to go over the long term. Of course I can only get you started, and of course, ultimately it all comes back to you. But for some of you, this little project might just be a life-changing process – if YOU make it so.

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      How to get involved.

      Click on the comment thingy and tell me (us) the following.

      1. The habit you’re going to address over the 28 days.
      2. Why it’s necessary for you to change that habit.
      3. Why it will be different this time.

      Keep it short(ish), we don’t need an essay – just the facts, Jack (or Jaclyn). If you are uncomfortable leaving your name then do it anonymously but keep in mind that public declarations can often be an effective way to create and maintain momentum. Name or not – it’s not crucial.

      Okay, stop over-thinking, get off the fence, click on the comment thingy and tell us what amazing things you’re gonna do over the next 28 days.

      Ciao Kids.

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      Craig Harper

      Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

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      Last Updated on December 3, 2019

      10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

      10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

      There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

      Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

      1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

      Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

      There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

      Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

      2. Pace Yourself

      Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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      Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

      Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

      3. You Can’t Please Everyone

      “I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

      You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

      Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

      4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

      Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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      We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

      Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

      5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

      “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

      No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

      We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

      6. It’s Not All About You

      You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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      It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

      7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

      No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

      We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

      Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

      8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

      That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

      Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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      Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

      9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

      Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

      The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

      10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

      We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

      When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

      Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

      This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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      Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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