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9 Things That You Need To Know To Make A Lasting Relationship

9 Things That You Need To Know To Make A Lasting Relationship

Even if you have never been in a serious relationship, chances are that you could easily describe some characteristics of a bad one. However, it becomes a much more daunting task when asked to identify some characteristics of a good relationship. We live in a time when people enter relationships for the wrong reasons and stay in those relationships for reasons that are even more irrational.

Hopefully, with this list of things that describe a good relationship, we can further understand what we need to do to make our next one last.

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1. Both sides are supportive.

Each partner encourages the other to follow his/her dreams. They allow each other to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s okay to be wrong, and each member of the relationship understands and accepts that.

2. Both sides are honest and realistic.

Both people in the relationship tell the truth. They don’t let their feelings build up until they explode, and they share the way they feel about certain situations. While supporting each other’s aspirations, they urge their partner to keep their feet on the ground. They are there to comfort each other when things don’t work out, and they refrain from saying: “I told you so.” Instead, they say: “I’m glad you tried.”

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3. Both sides communicate well.

Both parties are on the same page when it comes to their relationship, their future, and their feelings. “Feelings” can be a silly word and sometimes a silly concept, so each person needs the ability to think logically, even when he or she is overrun with emotion.

4. Both sides are understanding.

Each member of the relationship accepts the other for who he/she is. They realize that people make mistakes and that nobody is perfect. They possess great empathy and are able to see situations from different perspectives. Each person maintains an open mind when it comes to the relationship.

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5. Both sides are independent and confident.

Though they love each other and want to be together, they don’t need to spend every waking moment with their partner. They understand that they must do certain things on their own, and they are confident that they don’t need the other person for everything.

6. Both sides are passionate.

Each member of the relationship has a fire inside of them, both for his/her partner and for interests that reach further than the boundaries of the relationship. It is important that both parties care about things outside of their significant other. Both people must have some type of hobbies or goals to strive for, some of which should have nothing to do with their partners.

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7. Both sides are patient.

Each individual is patient with his/her partner and is patient with him/herself. As I already mentioned, people make mistakes. In a good relationship, partners allow each other to learn from these mistakes. They realize that falling in love is a process and that people are always learning new things about themselves.

8. Both sides feel comfortable.

Each partner is content with the other and open with his/her feelings, fears, and dreams. They understand that being content never hurt anybody. Each person feels safe and protected when with his/her partner, but both members of the relationship are prepared to be pushed once in awhile.

9. Both sides are motivated.

The downfall of a relationship is often complacency. There is nothing wrong with being content, but once a person is content enough to abandon his/her dreams, then the couple needs to make a change. I have already explained how being supportive is important, but a person needs to be motivated to succeed as well. Otherwise, what is there to be supportive about?

Now that we are able to identify the elements of a good relationship, we can do everything in our power to make our next one successful.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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