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7 Language Hacks for More Confidence

7 Language Hacks for More Confidence

It’s no news that the language we use when we interact with ourselves and others has a massive impact on our confidence. Interaction is so much more than words. It’s the exchanging of emotion, feeling, and thought. It’s the much needed connecting with another human in some shape or form.

Even though you try to avoid those awkward silences, go great lengths to avoid hurting someone, and try not to send a different message than what you intended. The language that you use could end up affecting your confidence.

I’m talking about the I-screwed-up confession with the significant other, that stressful business meeting, the sales conversation with the client you so desperately need, and that stressful talk you have with your boss when you put in your two weeks notice. It’s also about all of the things you say to yourself leading up to, during, and after those interactions.

It’s all more than words.

The thing though? Those interactions don’t have to overwhelm you. You don’t have to spend your time playing conversations out in your head before and after you have them. Because there are 7 ways that you can hack your language, own your interactions, and build real, lasting confidence.

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Say what you mean

We’re all human. But when we have difficult conversations or interactions with others where the stakes are high, it’s easy to forget that. So sometimes we start posturing and putting on a facade. We say things that we think we are ‘supposed to’ or ‘should’ say. The interactions that we replay and worry about mainly revolve around the language that we use. What’s the first thing you should say? What if you say [this] and they do [this]? What if they say [this]? How will they react?

When you’re aware of and honest about what you actually want to say, you won’t have to replay or worry about your language. Because everything that you say will be right. That doesn’t mean your messages will always be received the way that you want, but you won’t regret what you said. I’m not saying be rude and inconsiderate. I’m saying that being authentic and owning your words is respectful to you and the receiver.

Use “I”

Everything you say comes from you. You compose the language. And the message is always coming from somewhere deeper than your mouth. Using “I” shows ownership and responsibility of what you’re saying.

“I love you” vs. “Love you”/<3

Love is powerful, as is the proclamation itself. But as the digital age has grown, we’ve thrown “love” around more without true meaning. It’s grown to be, in many cases, meaningless. Omitting the I separates that feeling from you. It’s almost in-human.

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“I feel [this] about [them]” vs. “[They] are making me feel [this].”

No one can make you feel anything. You cultivate your feelings. Blaming others for what you feel puts yourself in a very helpless, victim-like position. A position that can often be difficult to get out of.

Recognize that you are feeling [whatever] about [that person/thing]. There’s no external controller that’s selecting your response to something.

“I” vs. “you/us/we”

I have used we, us, and you so far in this article. Some things are more personal, some things are more generalized. But in conversation, generalizing incorrectly can take away some of the power of what you’re saying.

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Distinguish between feelings and thoughts

“I feel like” vs. “I think”

These are two different things. Sure, our thoughts can conjure emotions and vice versa. But there is a clear distinction between the two. Make sure you’re using them appropriately.

Feel Thank You + You’re Welcome

It’s common courtesy. Someone holds the door for you, and you exchange these two phrases. It’s nearly automatic. But are you really thankful for that person? Are you allowing yourself to express your genuine desire to do [that thing] for that person when you say, “you’re welcome”? Are you actually grateful?

Be aware of these interactions and allow yourself a moment to feel through your words. Along with saying “I”, this expresses ownership in your language.

Say No and Yes Honestly

Both of these words are without a doubt, two of the most powerful words we can use. And they are the most commonly used words that often stand in the way of saying what we mean. Say yes when you are genuinely accepting or agreeing. Say no when something isn’t what you want or can do. Period.

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Decipher between “can’t” and “don’t want to”

Can’t is very definitive, while want is often more progressive and accurate. “I can’t do it” holds so much more power than “I don’t want to do it.” Can you actually do [that thing] but you don’t want to? Figure it out.

Forget “I don’t know”

It’s the same as “I can’t”.

“I don’t know” is often a phrase we use to get out of digging deeper and explaining something. It can sometimes come out in desperation or when we aren’t willing to engage with something. It’s another phrase that comes along with a victim mentality. It sounds hopeless and lost. It’s an immediate shut down.

It’s what Danielle LaPorte calls the “I don’t know” conspiracy. Make the switch to “I will figure it out,” because you will if you actually try.

It’s not enough to just read and nod. You have to take action on what you’re reading.

if you want to build more confidence. Do it now. Why wait?

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Last Updated on June 23, 2019

20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

Close your eyes and imagine that you’re at your own funeral—a bit morbid I know, but there’s a reason for it. Now think about what you’d like people to say about you. What kind of a life do you want to lead? People die with all kinds of regrets. Don’t be one of them.

1. I wish I’d cared less about what other people think.

It’s only when you realise how little other people are really thinking of you (in a negative sense) that you realise how much time you spent caring and wasting energy worrying about this.

2. I wish I had accomplished more.

You don’t have to have won an Oscar, built up a business or run a marathon, but having small personal accomplishments is important.

3. I wish I had told __ how I truly felt.

Even if the “one” doesn’t exist, telling someone how you truly feel will always save you from that gut wrenching”but what if…” feeling that could linger for life if you stay quiet.

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4. I wish I had stood up for myself more.

Sometimes, it’s too easy to think that if you go all out to please everyone you’ll be liked more or your partner won’t run off with anyone else. I think age probably teaches us to be nice but not at the expense of our own happiness.

5. I wish I had followed my passion in life.

It’s so easy to be seduced by a stable salary, a solid routine and a comfortable life, but at what expense?

6. I wish our last conversation hadn’t been an argument.

Life is short, and you never really know when the last time you speak to someone you love will be. It’s these moments that really stay clear in peoples’ minds.

7. I wish I had let my children grow up to be who they wanted to be.

The realisation that love, compassion and empathy are so much more important than clashes in values or belief systems can hit home hard.

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8. I wish I had lived more in the moment.

Watching children grow up makes you realise how short-lived and precious time really is, and as we age, many of us live less and less in the present.

9. I wish I had worked less.

There’s always a desire to have loosened up a bit more with this one and the realisation that financial success or career accomplishment doesn’t necessarily equal a fulfilled life.

10. I wish I had traveled more.

It can be done at any age, with kids or not but many talk themselves out of it for all kinds of reasons such as lack of money, mortgage, children, etc. When there’s a regret, you know it could have been possible at some stage.

11. I wish I had trusted my gut rather than listening to everyone else.

Making your own decisions and feeling confident in the decisions you make gives us fulfilment and joy from life. Going against your gut only breeds resentment and bitterness.

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12. I wish I’d taken better care of myself.

Premature health problems or ageing always makes you wonder if you’d eaten healthier, exercised more and been less stressed, would you be where you are today?

13. I wish I’d taken more risks.

Everyone has their own idea of what’s risky, but you know when you’re living too much in your comfort zone. In hindsight, some people feel they missed out on a lot of adventure life has to offer.

14. I wish I’d had more time.

Many people say time speeds up as we age. The six weeks of summer holidays we had as kids certainly seemed to last a lifetime. If time speeds up, then it’s even more important to make the most of every moment.

15. I wish I hadn’t worried so much.

If you’ve ever kept a diary and looked back, you’ll probably wonder why you ever got so worked up over X.

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16. I wish I’d appreciated ___ more.

The consequences of taking people for granted are always hard to deal with.

17. I wish I’d spent more time with my family.

Some people get caught up with work, move to other parts of the world, grow old with grudges against family members only to realise their priorities were in the wrong place.

18. I wish I hadn’t taken myself so seriously.

Life is just more fun when you can laugh at yourself.

19. I wish I’d done more for other people.

Doing things for others just makes life more meaningful.

20. I wish I could have felt happier.

The realisation that happiness is a state of mind that you can control sometimes doesn’t occur to people until it’s too late.

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