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7 Common Ways You Deal With Anxiety That Are Actually Making It Worse

7 Common Ways You Deal With Anxiety That Are Actually Making It Worse

Hardwired into our physiological makeup, anxiety is a sensation that can warn us of danger and motivate us to take action. In today’s information-saturated, work-around-the-clock world, however, anxiety can rapidly spiral out of control. In its most intense form, anxiety can even induce a sort of paralysis.

Whether you are in knots over financial worries, an upcoming presentation, or an illness in the family, there are common ways people deal with anxiety that actually make it worse. Increase the odds your stress-busting routine will actually work by avoiding the following seven things:

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1. Spending money in an attempt to alleviate anxiety.

Anxiety is often tied to worry over scarcity of resources. Expending more resources, then, does not make sense as a coping strategy. Plus, anything you buy while you’re stressed will likely result in buyer’s remorse. When you’re anxious, your brain is focused on meeting the challenges right in front of you, not on long-term planning or moderation. When the bill hits your mailbox, your stress levels will climb right through the roof again.

2. Expecting other people to alleviate your anxiety.

Like any other emotion, what you feel is yours. Expecting or relying upon others to make you feel better, in this case calmer, puts undue strain on relationships. Over time, your relationships will suffer or break because of your unwillingness to deal with your own challenges.

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3. Focusing on the feeling, not the cause of it.

You’re anxious. Okay. So are lots of folks. The more important question is: why? All the deep breathing in the world won’t help if you don’t know why you are stressed in the first place.

4. Avoiding, rather than confronting your feelings.

If you are working through panic attacks, or stress that keeps you up at night, the word ‘fine’ should be banished from your vocabulary for a while. You are not fine. What you are is a person who is struggling with a sensation and working to find a way to manage it, and your life, better. Take a deep breath, and commit to the work.

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5. Beating yourself up for feeling anxious.

Do you know anyone who is perfect? No? The driven and ultrasuccessful often struggle with anxiety, but are among the demographics least likely to admit that they have a problem. Having a problem does not mean you cannot be successful; it means you have a problem. Take a deep breath, realize you’re human, that anxiety is the challenge before you, and keep moving forward.

6. Thinking of anxiety as a disease.

Anxiety is a normal human response. While there are degrees that can be clinically diagnosed, many treatment options focus on developing the individual’s ability to identify and manage anxiety-based reactions. Struggling with anxiety does not mean you have a disease or illness; it means you are facing a challenge.

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7. Obsessing over someone else’s zen.

Magazines, television, and the World Wide Web are filled with images of gurus contorted into yoga poses, celebrities who swear by days of silent meditation, and articles proclaiming how we are all doomed to die early, toxic deaths due to a million factors beyond our control. Close the books, look away from the celebrities, reach for the remote and turn the television off. Your version of calm and tranquility may, or may not, look like anyone else’s, and the path you take to get there will be unique. Those people have financial and relationship concerns, too, and how they truly relax may or may not be the image they present to the world. Find your own zen.

Searching for calm? Try these Ten Ways to Beat Stress and Anxiety.

Featured photo credit: Kai Schreiber via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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