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50 Things Every Parent Should Give To Their Children

50 Things Every Parent Should Give To Their Children

There is no profession, no challenge in the world more awesome and more fulfilling than parenthood. It’s exciting, exhilarating, complex, mind-boggling at times, and downright frightening on some days. It involves the lives of precious little ones who bring joy like nothing else can. Parenting creates an automatic legacy that is not highly related to money. What kind of heritage will you leave behind? As you ponder that question, consider 50 things moms and dads should give to their children.

1. Solidarity

Harmonious love from both parents working together on one accord to raise their children and build a strong family connection.

2. Real Love

Give your little girl AND your little boy genuine love, affection, hugs, kisses, and politeness, which covers a multitude of parental bloopers.

3. Bonafide I Love You’s

Your children must know without a doubt that you love them dearly and that you always will even when they are hardheaded and mess up, when they’re disobedient and rebellious.

4. Wisdom Nugget—There Are No Perfect Parents

Accept your imperfections and always be willing to listen, learn, develop and transform.

5. Stability

Provide a stable household atmosphere for your children; even if you must do so as a single parent, it can be done; commit to make it happen—there is help available for you and for them.

6. Security

Give your kids a protective shield that provides them with safety, shelter, food, clothing, medical and dental benefits, educational and social skills keeping them safe and sound, yet not suffocated.

7. Proper Assessments

Censure your children’s actions and behavior by isolating the deed from the doer, working towards solutions by means of discussions and by supplying justifications that explain why their behavior is unacceptable.

8. Fairness, Thoughtfulness, and Discernment

Avoid comparing your children with each other as well as with their peers in a pessimistic way, recognize their differences, do not take sides or fall for their attempts to manipulate you.

9. Open Expression: The Right to Disagree with You and Others

At the appropriate time, teach your children through real life demonstrations that they’re entitled to their own opinion, which must be expressed respectfully and with immediate apologies when they err.

10. Comedy

Wittiness is a product of the whole family environment; consequently, start teaching your children from infancy laughter with your goo-goo baby talk; then later explaining why things are funny, laughing at their jokes, and getting silly to help them develop a sense of humor and become happier, smarter, healthier, confident and better at surviving their challenges.

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11. Chastisement

Discipline your children by clearly explaining and consistently administering well thought out, rational rules, guidelines and punishments for blatant violations.

12. Leadership by Example

Strive to be cool, calm and collected—control your attitude and temper; yelling and screaming simply intimidate children while extinguishing their trust and feelings of safety; be quick to say, “I’m sorry” and mean it.

13. Freedom of Speech

Allow your children to express themselves earnestly and involve them in decision-making processes that directly affect them; thereby, empowering them to think and to make good judgments.

14. Patience and Recognition

When your children are stubborn and disobedient, resolve the issue with less conflict and aggravation for both of you by not forcing their compliance; stop and ask both yourself and your children “Why is this happening?” without overlooking the possible link between biology and behavior.

15. Parental Controls

Set up controls to filter and monitor your children’s Internet usage, report cyber bullying to the appropriate social media network, protect them from online grooming by strangers, make sure they are playing online games appropriate for their age group, and have a talk with them about pornography.

16. Premises of Optimistic Anticipation

Clearly define and kindly remind your sons and daughters what your reasonable expectations of them are—respecting their individuality.

17. Prescriptions

Set up structure and boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews for your children so they don’t grow up out of control, become unwise and struggle as adults with obeying local, state and national laws.

18. Strong Moral Foundation

Teach your kids what is right and what is wrong, trust them and produce an environment where they will quickly come to you with ANY problem or concern.

19. Nutritional Alignment

Inspire an overall healthy lifestyle in your children by providing nutritious meals, and allowing them to express their preferences instead of forcing them to consume your choice of meal entrees.

20. Desire for Physical Activity

Encourage exercise via extracurricular activities like T-Ball, ballet, swimming, track, tennis, and even family exercise routines so that for the children getting active and staying healthy becomes fun and easy.

21. Lessons about Money

When they are of age, teach your children how to count, and budget money, as well as how not to waste their money on consumer goods; but rather give to charity, pay themselves, and put some of it into savings.

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22. The Taste of Life

Refusal to shelter your children is a marvelous gift to give, for it allows them to experience life for themselves, to learn to make intelligent decisions and to face the consequences of THEIR choices.

23. Freedom of Choice

Give your children options; sometimes just make resources available and then let them fashion their own events and activities with your support and guidance, as necessary.

24. Mentorship

Demonstrate your virtues and be an excellent role model for your children; be the kind of person you want them to become.

25. Regard and Concern

Never, ever fight, argue, doggedly disagree and bicker in close proximity of your children.

26. Individualism

Respect your children’s privacy, and generally speaking, refrain from doing for your children the things they’re capable of doing for themselves.

27. Give Your Approval

Applaud your children with frequent acknowledgements, encouragements and validations so they feel prized, treasured and poised for positive thinking, good relationships, constructive imaginations, lessons in determination and resilience in setbacks.

28. Exhortation

Don’t be brief and miserly, give your children frequent, spirited, descriptive high praises and compliments so they will be incited to repeat and improve their performances—give them far more than the flimsy, “Good job!”

29. Conversational Excellence

Offer your children the greatest communication skills you can by employing words and actions that help build in them conviction, integrity, composure, dignity and self-reliance through precepts and examples.

30. Strong Constitution

Give up your gripping fears and worries for greater faith in God, your children, and their well-being.

31. Self-Defense Skills

It’s a great idea for parents to train their children at home and/or enroll them in self-defense or martial arts classes to diminish their fear of bullies and safeguard them from predators, making certain to engage the children in role playing which is critical for stimulating their confidence and personal power.

32. Firm Control

Refusal to let your children have everything they want—say “No” to them more often and follow it up with the reason for saying no or offer them a substitute option.

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33. Education

Assure your children will receive the best possible education at school from the invaluable life skills lessons provided during your time together; assure they develop strong reading skills because the American Academy of Pediatrics calls reading skills “the foundation for children’s academic success.”

34. The Value of Hard Work

Teach your children responsibility by giving them chores followed by an allowance, monetary or non-monetary—an extended curfew, additional play time, or other special privileges—as a return for those jobs well done.

35. Thoughtfulness and Perception

Avoid comparing your children with each other as well as with their peers in a pessimistic way, do not take sides, and for goodness sake, resist their attempts to manipulate you.

36. Self-Assuredness

Give your children a big boost in integrity and autonomy by teaching them to stand up for what they believe in and to take responsibility for their actions, thus supporting their uniqueness and their independence.

37. Prince and Princess Treatment

Make each child believe that he or she is the favorite child—exemplify no partiality which creates low self-esteem, sibling rivalry, disrespect and disharmony in the family unit.

38. The ‘Be True to Yourself’ Lecture

Your children must be trained not to waste their skills and talents trying to be someone else or what others think they should be, for happiness comes from within and true friendship cannot be purchased.

39. Involvement in Their Lives

Take them to a community park, skating rink, a fishing trip, local library, amusement park, museum or a puppetry show; go on a school field trip with them; attend their extracurricular school activities; take them to Sunday School and children’s church.

40. Standard Appointments

Set aside a time to talk to your children individually and equally each day; avoid getting distracted with work, other people or with your cell phone.

41. Honesty

Children take hints from their parents so avoid any kind of deception and DO NOT overreact if your children lie to you; instead, help them understand the importance of telling the truth.

42. A Listening Ear

Pay attention to and respect your children; honor what they want to do with their lives, and don’t weigh them down with rigid, overwhelming demands.

43. Strict Commitment

Make time for your children because they need your presence much more than your presents; give them sincere devotion and be there for the important events in their lives.

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44. Hearts of Thanksgiving

Encourage gratefulness and appreciation for even the smallest act of kindness by expressing gratitude to each other in front of your children, and by thanking them profoundly and excitingly when they bring you a bouquet of weeds or a picture of a stick family with a little heart on it.

45. The Golden Rule

Help your children see that that their words and actions cause other people to be happy or sad, and that they should be kind to other people in the same way they want other people to be kind to them.

46. Liberty from your excess baggage

Together, focus on creating your heartfelt dreams and aspirations rather than empowering fears from your past and entrapping your children in them.

47. Date Night

A Date Night Out strengthens marital and family relationships by offering parents a great opportunity to de-stress, relax, and wound down a bit creating guilt-free balance and wholesomeness; while allowing the children to indulge in developing new friendships and a new kind of pleasure especially if they, too, are removed from the home to a safely supervised, entertaining and fun setting.

48. YOUR BEST Body, Mind, Soul and Spirit

Overcome your vices—alcohol, drugs, gambling, rambling, promiscuity, etc—because they jeopardize your children’s health, character and success.

49. Your Full Support

Help your children cultivate a healthy self-image by implanting a positive mindset in them that they are lovable, capable, and unique so they know that being different is acceptable, and that they DO NOT need to follow the crowd.

50. Individual Person Acknowledgement

Your children are not a replica of you, they are not here for you to relive your life through; but, they are sons and daughters for whom you are accountable to develop and nourish according to their own natural abilities.

Don’t give up! Parenting is a lifelong assignment. Each day try to become a better one.

Featured photo credit: http://www.clearpointcreditcounselingsolutions.org via clearpointcreditcounselingsolutions.org

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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