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Avoid These 5 Things to Make Sure You Aren`t Blowing People Off

Avoid These 5 Things to Make Sure You Aren`t Blowing People Off

In your personal and professional lives, have you ever had someone get angry or annoyed with you, and you couldn’t figure out exactly what you did?  Have you had someone cut off friendly contact with you abruptly, leaving you mystified?  Worst of all, are you completely clueless that you’ve offended someone with whom you had a good relationship?

Life is chaotic.  Sometimes we don’t pay enough attention to our relationships, and we unknowingly do things that sabotage them.  We leave people thinking that we don’t care about them, when the truth is we’re just busy, forgetful, or, as Jennifer Aniston once said, “missing a sensitivity chip.”

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Take a step back for a moment and assess if you’re guilty of any of these five blow-offs with your family, friends, co-workers, or business associates.  And if you are, please consider changing your behavior.  Even if the relationship isn’t important to you now, it’s the right thing for a good human being to do.

Texting instead of calling

When someone calls you to say hello and catch up, do you text them back a one-liner?  This is fine if you can’t talk right away and plan to give them a ring later, but a text does not totally replace a phone call.  The person is going to think you don’t want to talk to them.

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Getting cozy only when you need someone

I’ve had this happen to me countless times since I stopped writing my Wall Street Journal column.  Business associates would establish a chummy relationship with me, and I’d think we were friends only to have them blow off my calls and e-mails once they couldn’t take advantage of my high visibility position.  This type of behavior is obvious and makes you look very bad.

Turning down plans and never suggesting an alternative date

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    Some people are happy to sit back and let others do the work in their relationships.  However, you cross a line when someone repeatedly asks you to get together and you decline, never attempting to see what else might work.  Do this a few times and the person will think you don’t like them – and eventually won’t like you back.

    Forgetting to respond to e-mails and ignoring escalation attempts

    Maybe you are one of those people who is just not great about e-mail.  You have other priorities, I get it.  Please realize though, that when you are trying to get something done, having the other person refuse to answer you after multiple attempts is the most annoying thing in the world.

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    Not paying attention to who you invite to things

    Whether you are planning a personal or work-related event, guest lists are political.  Especially in this era of Facebook and Evite, when we can all see who’s invited and who attended, you should make clear delineations (i.e. all team members or no team members).  For example, don’t inadvertently invite 7 of your 8 co-workers to happy hour and then post the pics.

    Nine times out of ten, if you do one of these things you will never find out about it because most aren’t confrontation-worthy behaviors, and the other person may feel too hurt, rejected, or put-off to address them with you anyway.  So all I’m asking is that you put a little thought into your interpersonal actions.

    What other ways do people blow others off without realizing it?

    (Photo credit: Portrait of beautiful young woman covering her ears with hands via Shutterstock)

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    Last Updated on October 16, 2019

    5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

    5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

    We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are not fulfilling.

    They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.

    Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction.

    I’d like to show you, based on my experience as a communication and confidence coach, how you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships and make your social life a whole lot more meaningful.

    Here’re 5 simple yet powerful ways for meaningful relationships building:

    1. Meet More People

    This is an apparent paradox, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably to do with the quantity of people you meet.

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    If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values.

    And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships.

    Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc.

    This is why it’s important to meet more people.

    2. Talk about the Things That Matter To You

    A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection.

    I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life. This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop.

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    Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected.

    3. Express Vulnerability

    Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings and they never say anything that could embarrass them.

    This is all just a facade though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws.

    However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally.

    Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level.

    Take a look at this article and find out Why Showing Vulnerability Actually Proves Your Strength.

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    4. Have Integrity

    Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity.

    This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises.

    This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity.

    Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do.

    5. Be There for Others

    Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions.

    Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them.

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    Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes one hell of a difference in a relationship.

    The Bottom Line

    With the right mindset and the right behavior, you can strengthen a wide range of relationships in your life and advance them as far as they can be advanced.

    And with strong relationships, not only that you feel more fulfilled, but you feel more connected to the entire world. You feel that your life has real value, you have more fun and you live in the moment. An entire world of opportunities opens up in front of you.

    Then your task is to simply walk through the open doors.

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