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Avoid These 5 Things to Make Sure You Aren`t Blowing People Off

Avoid These 5 Things to Make Sure You Aren`t Blowing People Off

In your personal and professional lives, have you ever had someone get angry or annoyed with you, and you couldn’t figure out exactly what you did?  Have you had someone cut off friendly contact with you abruptly, leaving you mystified?  Worst of all, are you completely clueless that you’ve offended someone with whom you had a good relationship?

Life is chaotic.  Sometimes we don’t pay enough attention to our relationships, and we unknowingly do things that sabotage them.  We leave people thinking that we don’t care about them, when the truth is we’re just busy, forgetful, or, as Jennifer Aniston once said, “missing a sensitivity chip.”

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Take a step back for a moment and assess if you’re guilty of any of these five blow-offs with your family, friends, co-workers, or business associates.  And if you are, please consider changing your behavior.  Even if the relationship isn’t important to you now, it’s the right thing for a good human being to do.

Texting instead of calling

When someone calls you to say hello and catch up, do you text them back a one-liner?  This is fine if you can’t talk right away and plan to give them a ring later, but a text does not totally replace a phone call.  The person is going to think you don’t want to talk to them.

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Getting cozy only when you need someone

I’ve had this happen to me countless times since I stopped writing my Wall Street Journal column.  Business associates would establish a chummy relationship with me, and I’d think we were friends only to have them blow off my calls and e-mails once they couldn’t take advantage of my high visibility position.  This type of behavior is obvious and makes you look very bad.

Turning down plans and never suggesting an alternative date

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    Some people are happy to sit back and let others do the work in their relationships.  However, you cross a line when someone repeatedly asks you to get together and you decline, never attempting to see what else might work.  Do this a few times and the person will think you don’t like them – and eventually won’t like you back.

    Forgetting to respond to e-mails and ignoring escalation attempts

    Maybe you are one of those people who is just not great about e-mail.  You have other priorities, I get it.  Please realize though, that when you are trying to get something done, having the other person refuse to answer you after multiple attempts is the most annoying thing in the world.

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    Not paying attention to who you invite to things

    Whether you are planning a personal or work-related event, guest lists are political.  Especially in this era of Facebook and Evite, when we can all see who’s invited and who attended, you should make clear delineations (i.e. all team members or no team members).  For example, don’t inadvertently invite 7 of your 8 co-workers to happy hour and then post the pics.

    Nine times out of ten, if you do one of these things you will never find out about it because most aren’t confrontation-worthy behaviors, and the other person may feel too hurt, rejected, or put-off to address them with you anyway.  So all I’m asking is that you put a little thought into your interpersonal actions.

    What other ways do people blow others off without realizing it?

    (Photo credit: Portrait of beautiful young woman covering her ears with hands via Shutterstock)

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    Last Updated on January 21, 2020

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

    If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

    Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

    So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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    1. Listen

    Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

    2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

    Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

    “Why do you want to do that?”

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    “What makes you so excited about it?”

    “How long has that been your dream?”

    You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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    3. Encourage

    This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

    4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

    After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

    5. Dream

    This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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    6. Ask How You Can Help

    Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

    7. Follow Up

    Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

    Final Thoughts

    By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

    Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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