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Make Your Words Count: 5 Tips on How to Negotiate at the Office

Make Your Words Count: 5 Tips on How to Negotiate at the Office

Whether you work from the comfort of your home office, or in a cubical 50 floors above the street, there’s one thing that you’ll never be able to avoid—negotiating.

There are some people that love the art of negotiation. Some even live for it. They thrive on the excitement, elevated blood pressure and adrenal rush that comes with the “search for agreement” that negotiations represent. I’m sure you’ve met these competitive types before: they almost always have the last word; they’re on the aggressive side of normal; they send back their salad because there weren’t enough croutons.

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Then there are they rest of us. We avoid negotiation, not because we’re scared, but because it’s so awfully close to an argument…okay, maybe we’re just the slightest bit scared. Or, rather, lets call it “out of our comfort zone,” instead of scared—that’s much more civil.

Regardless of how it you makes feel, negotiating is a skill that every business person needs—from the CEO to the temp secretary.  And when it comes to negotiating, it all about the words you choose and how you put them together. Literary types call that “diction.” We’re just gonna call it “owning it.”

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Here are some words and phrases to avoid when it’s your turn at the table.

“Somewhere In-Between”

9 times out of 10, negotiations are about one of two things: money, or time, and there’s a good chance that you’ll be talking about both simultaneously at one point or another.  Since both deal with what statisticians call “continuous variables,” meaning that they can go on forever, theoretically, you can discuss them in the same way. For example: let’s say you tell an employee or outside contractor that you need a job done “somewhere between 3 and 5 days from now.” Right from the start, you’re fighting against yourself by giving them two points to choose from, and showing them that you’re indecisive, which can be read as being a pushover. Not only that, but you’re almost always guaranteed to to end up waiting for the date furthest away, or if you’re talking money, paying the higher price.

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Ready, Aim, Raise…

…but it’s important not to aim too high. When your negotiation is centered on money—a salary or raise, for example—I find that it’s best to shoot first, aim high, and ask questions later. I know, I’m using a lot of gun metaphors—forgive me. There’s a reason (for the shooting first, not really for the metaphors) that you want to beat them to the punch: whatever number is thrown out first is the number that both partied focus on —it becomes a kind of anchor for the negotiation, and the price/raise/what-have-you is generally closer to that anchor than not.

“The Buck Stops Here”

First of all, no-one says that anymore. That phrase, which is roughly equivalent to saying “I’m the boss,” not only sounds ridiculous when thrown into a negotiation, but it also leaves you backed into a corner. Depending on whom you are negotiating with, the information that you ultimately make the decisions can help them force you into answering a question or signing a deal when you aren’t quite ready to do so.

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Keeping Calm (“Are We There Yet?”)

No matter what the negotiation is about, the party that comes out on top is usually the one who is the calmest. That means no looking at the clock, no complaining that “this is taking too long,” and please, take it easy to the bathroom breaks. You always want to seem like you have all the time in the world. Remember that the point of a negotiation is to get what you want out of the deal, not to end the negotiation as soon as possible.

Keeping Cool Reprise

Obviously, you should enter every negotiation with a cool head, and try to keep it cool throughout the proceedings. If you’ve seen any police procedural or lawyer drama, you’ll know that getting your counterpart’s blood hot is one of the easiest and fastest ways to get what you want. Don’t fall into the trap: you’re better than that.

Featured photo credit:  Attractive Blond Young Woman With A Telephone Headset via Shutterstock

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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