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5 Surprisingly Accurate Gender Stereotypes About Sex

5 Surprisingly Accurate Gender Stereotypes About Sex

With all the gender stereotypes out there about sex, some are bound to be true. Do women orgasm as much as men think? Can men and women ever be “just friends”? Here are the answers science has given us.

1. Men can rarely be “just friends”.

While it’s certainly more convenient to assume that men and women are able to have strictly platonic friendships, recent research suggests otherwise.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire ran an experiment, questioning 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends about their friendships.

The results of the study were clear: men were typically much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Interestingly, nearly everyone participating in the study, both men and women, assumed their feelings were mutual – whether romantic or platonic.

Further, men were just as likely to want romantic dates with friends who were taken as they were with friends who weren’t. Women, on the other hand, were not interested in pursuing a man who was already taken.

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As the Scientific American article about this very study notes, “Results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being ‘just friends’… Two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation—one that is actually platonic.”

2. Women find “nice guys” less attractive.

According to an article in Newsweek, researchers from the University of Rochester, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya in Israel investigated the idea that, upon meeting, men find nice women more attractive than women find nice men.

In this study, participants were paired with others of the opposite gender who they’d never met before.  The study measured the correlation between a personality trait termed “responsiveness” and attractiveness to the opposite sex.

The researchers defined responsiveness as naturally signaling an understanding, encouraging, and supportive personality. While responsiveness is important for long-term relationships to thrive, it is not a factor for attraction in first meetings, at least not from a woman’s point of view.

The study observed that men were more drawn to responsive women upon first meeting them than their less-responsive counterparts. The men said they associated responsiveness with femininity and attractiveness.

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On the other hand, women did not associate responsiveness in men with either femininity nor masculinity, but they did feel more attracted to the non-responsive men.

This could be for a variety of reasons: as lead researcher Gurit Birnbaum points out in a press release, “Women may perceive this person as inappropriately nice and manipulative (i.e., trying to obtain sexual favors) or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually appealing. Alternatively, women may perceive a responsive man as vulnerable and less dominant.”

3. Women orgasm less than men think.

According to The Kinsey Institute, 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm during their last sexual encounter, compared to 64% of women who report that they actually did. Whether this is from women misreporting, men misreporting, or genuine misunderstanding, there is a significant discrepancy.

Kinsey reports that women are much more likely to be orgasmic when alone than with a partner. However, among women currently in a partnered relationship, 62% say they are very satisfied with how often they orgasm. This seems to be because many women report that even more satisfying than the sensation of orgasm itself is the feeling of being connected to someone.

Studies at Brown University indicate that it does not necessarily take longer for women to reach orgasm than it does for men, at least not during masturbation. During masturbation, women typically reach orgasm in a little less than four minutes, compared to two and three minutes for men.

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However, women take significantly longer to reach orgasm during foreplay and intercourse. It typically takes women 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, whereas men typically take 7-14 minutes overall, 2-3 minutes after beginning intercourse.

The reasons it might take longer for women to reach orgasm during sex with a partner includes lack of communication about sexual desires, emotional complexities, and more.

One helpful fact is that kissing consistently makes for better sex. That, plus enhanced sexual and emotional communication, is likely to increase the pleasure and satisfaction women experience during lovemaking.

4. Sex is confidence-affirming for men.

Researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England surveyed more than 3,300 people between the ages of 17 and 40 about one-night stands and how they felt afterwards. While 54% of women had overall positive feelings the morning after, an overwhelming 80% of men did.

They said the one-night stand made them feel successful, excited, even euphoric.

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Within relationships, sex has a similar effect. Jordan Gray says that men want to feel that sex is regularly available within a relationship. Even if a man doesn’t actually have sex with his partner 24/7, he wants to know that his partner desires him.

This is not only a confidence-booster; it enhances his feelings of intimacy and connection inside the relationship.

5. Women get more attached after sex.

Women are more attached after sex because of the hormone oxytocin, which is released during lovemaking. According to Dr. Arun Ghosh of Spire Liverpool Hospital, oxytocin’s effects on the system include lowered defenses and heightened empathy and trust.

Susan Kuchinskas explains, “Oxytocin seems to have been ‘designed’ by nature to make a man and woman feel bonded after sex, so they would stay together and raise children.

“Today, the physiology of men and women still plays out according to this pattern. But estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to mute them. That’s why women tend to feel more attached after sex than men do.”

A final note: though the above stereotypes are true much of the time, no stereotype is 100% true and pervasive all the time, in every scenario. Each of the above stereotypes has its limits. While it is helpful and intriguing to know evolution and culture’s influence on us through these stereotypes, the quality of our lives and our interactions with the opposite sex are ultimately shaped by our own perception of the world and our own creative choices.

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Last Updated on August 20, 2018

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Do you know that feeling? The one where you have to wake up to go to your boring 9-5 job to work with the same boring colleagues who don’t appreciate what you do.

I do, and that’s why I’ve decided to quit my job and follow my passion. This, however, requires a solid plan and some guts.

The one who perseveres doesn’t always win. Sometimes life has more to offer when you quit your current job. Yes, I know. It’s overwhelming and scary.

People who quit are often seen as ‘losers’. They say: “You should finish what you’ve started”.

I know like no other that quitting your job can be very stressful. A dozen questions come up when you’re thinking about quitting your job, most starting with: What if?

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“What if I don’t find a job I love and regret quitting my current job?”
“What if I can’t find another job and I get in debt because I can’t pay my bills?”
“What if my family and friends judge me and disapprove of the decisions I make?”
“What if I quit my job to pursue my dream, but I fail?

After all, if you admit to the truth of your surroundings, you’re forced to acknowledge that you’ve made a wrong decision by choosing your current job. But don’t forget that quitting certain things in life can be the path to your success!

One of my favorite quotes by Henry Ford:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Everything takes energy

Everything you do in life takes energy. It takes energy to participate in your weekly activities. It takes energy to commute to work every day. It takes energy to organize your sister’s big wedding.

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Each of the responsibilities we have take a little bit of our energy. We only have a certain amount of energy a day, so we have to spend it wisely.  Same goes for our time. The only things we can’t buy in this world are time and energy. Yes, you could buy an energy drink, but will it feel the same as eight hours of sleep? Will it be as healthy?

The more stress there is in your life, the less focus you have. This will weaken your results.

Find something that is worth doing

Do you have to quit every time the going gets touch? Absolutely not! You should quit when you’ve put everything you’ve got into something, but don’t see a bright future in it.

When you do something you love and that has purpose in your life, you should push through and give everything you have.

I find star athletes very inspiring. They don’t quit till they step on that stage to receive their hard earned gold medal. From the start, they know how much work its going to take and what they have to sacrifice.

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When you do something you’re really passionate about, you’re not in a downward spiral. Before you even start you can already see the finish line. The more focus you have for something, the faster you’ll reach the finish.

It is definitely possible to spend your valuable time on something you love and earn money doing it. You just have to find out how — by doing enough research.

Other excuses I often hear are:

“But I have my wife and kids, who is going to pay the bills?”
“I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy with… stuff” (Like watching TV for 2 hours every day.)
“At least I get the same paycheck every month if I work for a boss.”
“Quitting my job is too much risk with this crisis.”

I understand those points. But if you’ve never tried it, you’ll never know how it could be. The fear of failure keeps people from stepping out of their comfort zone.

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I’ve heard many people say, “I work to let my children make their dream come true”. I think they should rephrase that sentence to: “I pursue my dreams — to inspire and show my children anything is possible.” 

Conclusion

Think carefully about what you spend your time on. Don’t waste it on things that don’t brighten your future. Instead, search for opportunities. And come up with a solid plan before you take any impulsive actions.

Only good things happen outside of your comfort zone.

Do you dare to quit your job for more success in life?

Featured photo credit: Jadon Barnes via images.unsplash.com

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