“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn
Most of us have at least one friend we consider toxic: the loser friend who disrupts our entire world the second they step into it. We know things would be so much easier if we cut them loose, yet we spend more time figuring out why we stay than it would take to actually leave.
Why You Have Loser Friends
The truth is, it happens for a multitude of reasons:Advertising
- You’ve been friends with them since you were kids.
- You know them so well you’re constantly justifying their behavior.
- You feel guilty because they don’t have anyone else to turn to.
- You feel obligated to spend time with them because they’re a mutual friend of your BFF/spouse/family member.
- You’re afraid of how they’ll react if you confront them (a.k.a. more drama).
- You feel it’s easier to deal with them than disrupt your hectic lifestyle any further.
Usually though, it’s a simple case of outgrowing each other. What caused you to “click” initially as friends no longer applies, or your lives are going in completely different directions.
I felt this way about several people I used to spend time with: they were going nowhere fast, had no goals, no ambition, and their only focus was their next self-destructive adventure. I’ve always had huge goals for myself, and these were being diminished by the company I kept for the variety of reasons above.
What Constitutes a Loser Friend?
When I use the term “loser friend,” I don’t mean they themselves are losers—everyone is entitled to live their life exactly how they want to—but what they’re doing to your life is causing you to lose what you want… and you’re letting it happen.Advertising
If you have friends who do any of the following, you need to seriously consider their place in your life:
- They’re not supportive.
- They’re not there when you need them.
- They’re only there when they need you.
- They make you feel drained.
- They have no ambition.
- They constantly infuriate you.
- They expect you to drop everything when they want to do something.
- They think everything is an urgent crisis.
Take it from someone who watched her own life implode: if you want to be amazing, you have to spend your time with amazing people. In order to make room for these people, you have to leave your loser friends behind.
Why You Should Leave Your Loser Friends Behind
It’s not going to be easy, but letting them go is a necessary part of creating the life you’ve always wanted for yourself. Otherwise:Advertising
1. They’ll hold you back from your full potential.
The biggest thing I learned from my experience with friends like these is that you’ll never live up to your full potential if you’re constantly weighed down by unnecessary drama and complication. In order to succeed, you need a solid routine and a strong support system. Consider your loser friends the loose floorboard in that support system, constantly distracting you from your goals.
2. They’ll make you feel like crap about yourself.
When they want you to do something you don’t want to do, they’ll constantly nag you and make you feel guilty about being who you are until you cave to their demands. It’s an incessant, vicious cycle that won’t end until you put a stop to it. If you don’t, get ready for a wide array of self-esteem issues.
3. They’ll negatively impact your reputation.
Even though you were guilted into going to that party and became your sloppy friend’s crutch, the dream employer you’ve wanted to work with since you were in public school isn’t going to know that when they’re checking out the horrific pictures you’re tagged in on Facebook.Advertising
More than that, if you’re this easily influenced in your personal life, they’re going to assume you won’t be able to hack it in a professional setting.
4. They’ll bring out the worst in you.
You know all of those bad habits you’re trying to break? Your loser friends will make it so difficult for you to build good habits you’ll constantly crack under the pressure and eventually give up on the concept entirely. After all, if you change for the better, your relationship with them will change for the worse, and will work against what they need from you.
5. They’ll dim the good things in your life.
You’ll be so focused on their drama, needs, and wants, the stress of your friendship will cause you to lose focus on the aspects of your life that are going well. Simply put, negativity breeds negativity—is this really how you want your life to be?
So what are you waiting for? Leave drama to the circus and live your life exactly how you want to, with who you want to. If you don’t decide to do so now, your loser friends will decide for you.
How have loser friends impacted your life? How did you handle it?
Last Updated on October 14, 2020
Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again
Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.
“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle
It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.
You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.
Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.
Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.
Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!
1. Make a Gratitude List
In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives.
Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.
Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.
What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.
The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.
Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.
2. Write in a Journal
Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more.
All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.
Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.
However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.
Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.
Here is an example of a meditation you can do:
Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.
Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.
Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.
Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.
Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.
4. Do Child’s Pose
Yoga Outlet says:
“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”
When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.
It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion.
To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor.
Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.
5. Try Positive Self-Talk
Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.
When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.
Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white.
When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.
When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.
Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?
6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break
Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.
You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.
It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.
Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.
If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.
7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days
“I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey
If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.
You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.
When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.
If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.
Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.
If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.
Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.
You can invest in yourself via self-care.
You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.
More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day
- 9 Things to Remember When You’re Having a Bad Day
- Remind Yourself These 7 Things When You Have A Bad Day
- 14 Things to Remember When Having a Bad Day. (And Any Other Time.)
Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com
|||^||Harvard Health Publishing: In Praise of Gratitude|
|||^||Positive Psychology: 83 Benefits of Journaling for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress|
|||^||Verywell Mind: 5 Meditation Techniques to Get You Started|
|||^||Yoga Outlet: How to Do Child’s Pose in Yoga|
|||^||Do You Yoga: 5 Health Benefits Of Child’s Pose|
|||^||Gaia: Balasana: Child’s Pose|
|||^||HealthLine: Positive Self-Talk: How Talking to Yourself Is a Good Thing|