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5 Expert Tips To Help You Master 90% Of Your Body Language

5 Expert Tips To Help You Master 90% Of Your Body Language

I am pretty sure you have already heard the typical expression – almost 93% of our communication is non-verbal. That what you say doesn’t really matter. That what others perceive is actually defined by a combination of our body language, tonality and eye contact, rather than the actual words we use.

When I first heard this idea it blew my mind. I was always trying to focus on what to say and how to make it sound as fancy as possible, but in reality it was not that important. This applies to every human interaction ranging from talking in business meetings and giving presentations, to having a laugh with friends or trying to seduce a girl you like.

It is common knowledge that people who use their body language effectively come across as more:

  • Powerful
  • Dominant
  • Trustful
  • Superior
  • Attractive

And these are only some of the few traits of people who know how to use their body language.

Despite its importance, the great majority of the population neglects non-verbal communication. And the main reason behind this is that it takes much time and effort to master the science of body language. Luckily enough for you, I have been around body language experts my whole life and I am proud to present the five most significant tips they have given to me in order to master almost 90% of your body language.

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Tip #1 – Walk like a leader

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    If you get the chance to examine world leaders, you will find out at most of their meetings and social appearances, they tend to follow a similar pattern.

    • They take big steps. Big steps are a sign of strength and leadership whereas small steps usually convey weakness.
    • They keep a straight posture. A straight posture communicates confidence and superiority and people usually feel protected when they are around you.
    • They never look down. Looking down as you walk is a sign of insecurity and most people lose trust in your abilities if you don’t keep a strong straight look while you walk.

    Walking like a leader unconsciously puts you in a position of one. Others around you feel this shift in your identity and you become more respected, more trustful and more attractive.

    Tip #2 – Find your seductive face

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      Yes you know what I am talking about. That look you take whenever you look at yourself in the mirror and no one is around. A great majority of the people I know, agree this is their most attractive look but because of insecurity they fail to adopt it on a regular basis.

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      Most of the greatest body language experts I know have told me they have trained themselves to adopt this look. Every time they were looking at themselves in the mirror, they were trying to find their seductive face. After that they would take a virtual image of it and they would try to make this image an integral part of their face.

      They were consistent and conscious about it and they managed to make their seductive face their competitive advantage.

      Tip #3 – Eliminate micro-expressions

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        Micro-expressions can be quite confusing. Experts reveal micro-expressions can betray your intentions and even destroy your image in a fraction of a second. They argue that the best way to eliminate them is to keep a stable, rock-solid face whenever you talk. In order to achieve this, they propose an exercise with a mirror again. The exercise goes like this:

        Look at yourself in the mirror but this time start talking. Now, while you talk, focus on weird micro-expressions your face adopts while saying specific words or going through a specific emotional state. Now say the same words or sentence again, while trying to keep a rock-solid, stable, face. If you do this exercise for 15 minutes a day you will be able to reduce micro-expressions within a week.

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        Tip #4 – Talk with a deeper voice

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          A deep voice is one of the most powerful attributes of an alpha male. It is an indicator of dominant masculine polarity and a major attraction switch.

          A deep voice might be something difficult to master. Mainly because in the beginning – especially if you have a high-pitched voice – changing your voice can make you sound like Tony Robbins. However the truth is that it actually works.

          You will start getting compliments from girls and people will start paying a lot more attention to what you say. Again, the secret to mastering a deep voice is to be conscious about it. Pay deep attention to it every time you are in a conversation with somebody. Deepen your tonality whenever you feel it sounds weak.

          Tip #5 – Maintain eye contact

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            In order to improve your eye contact and make yourself comfortable with that, you need to challenge yourself. You need to keep strong eye contact with every single person you may be conversing with. Even if it is Kate Upton!

            Start with your friends so it is easy and continue with strangers. But you need to be conscious about it. It is not as difficult and as awkward as you may think. After a small period of time, you will get used to it and you will become unconsciously good at it.

            Featured photo credit: flirting/Joris Louwes via flickr.com

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            Published on April 7, 2021

            6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

            6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

            Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

            While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

            1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

            Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

            If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

            In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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            2. They Make Everything Transactional

            Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

            For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

            Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

            A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

            Some statements to be wary of include:

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            • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
            • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
            • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
            • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

            3. They Criticize Everything

            One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

            However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

            Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

            • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
            • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
            • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
            • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

            4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

            We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

            For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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            This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

            5. They Socially Isolate You

            Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

            Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

            This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

            In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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            6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

            It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

            Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

            Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

            • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
            • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
            • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
            • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

            Final Thoughts

            It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

            More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

            Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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