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4 Ways To Use Technology To Draw Closer To Your Significant Other

4 Ways To Use Technology To Draw Closer To Your Significant Other

Anytime technology and relationships are brought up in the same sentence, it’s usually a statement denouncing our gadget obsessed generation as antisocial. While it is true that between our smart phones, tablets and computers, we are changing the way we communicate, this needn’t always be for the worse. Here are four great ways to use technology to improve your relationships, especially with your significant other.

1. Install Avocado, an app built for couples

avocado
    Avocado

    is a web and mobile app (available for Android and iOS) that was developed by two former Google employees. Avocado allows couples to privately share messages, photos, shopping lists and cute doodles. In addition, you can easily send your current location to your significant other and be automatically notified when their phone’s battery level is low.

    According to the app’s developers, “whether you’re in the same room or continents away, this couples app helps you and your boo stay connected anytime, anywhere. And just like home, it’s a private space for the two of you to share a life.”

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    Avocado password protects and encrypts your data, keeping all your shared sweet nothings safe and sound.

    2. Set up a shared budget

    budget

      In many relationships, money issues are the most common source of conflict and tension. Many of these issues are entirely avoidable if both parties communicate openly about financial decisions. One easy way to accomplish this is with a shared budget. While there are an abundance of budget options available, here are two that will likely fit most couples needs.

      The first is a simple and free solution, a Google spreadsheet. With this option, you are free to build your budget as you see fit. If you are willing to learn a little bit about basic spreadsheet formulas, you can easily automate the totaling of your line items and see exactly how much is remaining in each one of your budget categories. Your spreadsheet can be shared between you and your partner, with your changes updated in real time and stored securely in the cloud, accessible via Google Drive in both the browser and on your smart phones.

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      If a spreadsheet seems too basic for your needs and you would prefer something with more powerful budgeting features, check out YNAB, short for You Need A Budget. YNAB is a full featured desktop budgeting app which, through its cloud sync feature, allows each member of your family to add transactions to the ledger from their mobile apps. YNAB is $60 to purchase, which may seem a little steep, but, with its laundry list of advanced budgeting features, is well worth the price.

      3. Share your calendar

      calendar

        Make sure that you and your significant other are always on the same page when it comes to your schedule by setting up a shared calendar. The easiest way to do this is through Google Calendar‘s powerful sharing feature, which allows you to set up to 75 different people as collaborators, each with customizable levels of access. Simply go to the calendar that you want to share, or create a new “family” calendar and click the down arrow next to the calendar’s name and select Share This Calendar and type in the email address of whomever you would like to share it with. As simple as that, you now have a family calendar, stored in the cloud, that can be accessed from the browser and on your mobile phones.

        4. Start a couple’s blog

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        journal

          Every couple has a story to tell, why not tell yours together on a couple’s blog. Free blogging platforms like WordPress and Blogger make it possible for couples to chronicle their romance, publicly or privately. Starting a blog will simultaneously bring you closer together and allow you to build a record of your time together that you can look back on fondly if the relationship progresses…. or delete in anger if things go south, but you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

           

          Technology is fantastic when it comes to improving your communication and sharing data, but don’t forget to pull your face out of your phone every once in a while and spend some low-tech quality time together with your significant other.

           

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          Featured photo credit: pedrosimoes7 via flickr.com

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          Last Updated on August 6, 2020

          6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

          6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

          We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

          “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

          Are we speaking the same language?

          My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

          When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

          Am I being lazy?

          When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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          Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

          Early in the relationship:

          “Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

          When the relationship is established:

          “Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

          It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

          Have I actually got anything to say?

          When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

          A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

          When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

          Am I painting an accurate picture?

          One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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          How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

          Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

          What words am I using?

          It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

          Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

          Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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          Is the map really the territory?

          Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

          A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

          I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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