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4 Ways That You’ll Ensure Failure

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4 Ways That You’ll Ensure Failure

Are you sometimes left feeling completely lost as to why your life isn’t the way you always envisioned it to be? We all feel this way from time to time. Many people really want a better life, but they just don’t know how to achieve it, and we all want to be successful in life, whatever success means to each person.  Unfortunately, only a few people actually change their dreams into their reality. What stops you from achieving all that you desire? What separates those successful individuals from those who could have been successful?

For many people, success is the elusive goal. 80% of the reason why you may not be achieving your goals is most likely due to internal factors; you’re blind to these barriers, and they may be holding you back from obtaining what you want. There are many habits for success which you can develop, and there are many reasons why you might not be achieving success as well. Below are 4 common ways that you might be sabotaging your success without even knowing it.

1. “I’ll get back to that later.”

How many of your daily actions are proactive and reactive? When you hear about the successes of others, you normally don’t read about everything that happened before that moment. If you do, however, you will find that 99% of those individuals took aggressive action each day to close the gap between where they were and where they wanted to be.You must stay focused and direct all of your efforts and actions towards your ideal outcome.  Doing something halfheartedly will bring you half the results.

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It is common to want to give in to activities that give you momentary gratification, but don’t be ignorant to the fact that they are distracting you from your focused objective. If you want to be successful, you must put results before comfort, and prepare to go that extra mile and make more effort. If you have a goal, take action every day to get you closer to achieving them. Did you know that one of the main reasons individuals don’t obtain what they want is because they get distracted and don’t stay focused? It is your choice whether you want to be committed and focused on achieving your goals or not—it’s that simple.

“You can always find a distraction if you’re looking for one.” — Tom Kite.

2. “I’m too scared I will…”

If you don’t take risks in life, you will never achieve all you can. You might avoid certain situations, or perhaps you procrastinate with certain tasks or back away from opportunities without even realizing it. You can achieve what you desire in life, and the only limits you have are the ones that you set for yourself. Everyone is scared, but the difference is whether you allow fear to stop you from living your dreams.

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You must get out of your comfort zone and do different things if you want different results, so start to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.  Fear is natural; being ambitious is not about being fearless—we will always have fears at different stages—but rather simply learn how to get over your fears. Did you know that resisting fear actually strengthens it?

“Life’s not about waiting for the storms to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

3. “I quit”

Similar to not moving forward because of fear is giving up because of obstacles and hurdles. At every stage of your personal and working life, you will face different challenges; the key is to not give up, but instead look for another route if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted. Do you really think that you can achieve all you want effortlessly and easily? You will have to overcome challenges along the way, deal with difficulties, and if you can get through that, success will be yours.

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Do you find yourself saying something along the lines of “I tried to but I couldn’t  or “I couldn’t because he/she…” and “What is the point? It will never work out”?  If you give up every time you face an obstacle, you will never achieve greatness.  Did you know that there are countless cases of individuals who gave up just before achieving success? Perseverance is a key characteristic in all successful individuals.

“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.” – Unknown

4. “I want it now!”

It is hard not to get impatient when you feel like you are trying and trying but not seeing results, but being patient is an essential principle for success. Take one step at a time, but take consistent steps and over time you are sure to reach your goals. Remember that change doesn’t happen overnight; you must be firmly committed to achieving what you desire. If you tend to give up easily, it will be a challenge for you to succeed, but it is important to give yourself time, granted you are taking the right action!

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When you plant a seed, you don’t constantly dig it up to check that it is growing; you trust that a stem will soon appear. Your attitude towards results should be similar—keep going and always remind yourself of the end goal, the purpose for your actions. Did you know that patience is the difference between success or failure?

“Patience is a necessary ingredient of success” – Benjamin Disraeli

Remember to stay focused, be courageous, patient and don’t give up—success will be yours!

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What are your obstacles to success? Do you know what you do that holds you back from success?  

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Kirstin O´Donovan

Certified Life and Productivity Coach, Founder and CEO of TopResultsCoaching

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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