Advertising
Advertising

3 Powerful Mind Reframing Shifts that Can Drastically Improve Your Life

3 Powerful Mind Reframing Shifts that Can Drastically Improve Your Life

Most of us have probably heard the phrase “Change is an inside job”, but how many of us actually do it?

A lot of people want their lives to change for the better but not everyone pulls it off mainly because they feel chained to their present circumstances. And while external factors do play a role in how your life shapes out, the fact is, most of the things holding you back are living inside your head.

Kick those ideas and mindsets out, and you’ll start seeing the world in a more positive light. Doors will open up, great ideas will come to you more often, and you’ll have a much better life in general. The big positive changes that you want your life to have can actually be achieved by making small adjustments to how you think.

Advertising

And the best part is it’s not even that hard. You just have to train yourself to think and look at life a little differently.

Not sure where or how to begin? Below are a few mind shifts that you can try right now to reframe your problems in order to start feeling more positive:

“I need to spend less.” vs. “I need to earn more.”

I’m all up for saving money, but if you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have enough money or resources, then perhaps it’s time to start thinking about how to GET MORE of what you need. Instead of depriving yourself from the things that you want, open your mind and find ways to earn more money so you can afford the finer things in life.

Advertising

The “spend less” mindset is very restrictive and can make you feel stuck to your current situation. It tells you that you have to limit yourself in terms of what to spend or how to act. On the other hand, the “earn more” way of thinking opens you up for ideas and opportunities, thus allowing you to aim higher and reach your potential.

“I can’t” vs. “I won’t.”

As the fabulous Marie Forleo put it, saying that we “can’t” is just one of those BS excuses standing between us and what we want. And 99% of the time, “can’t” is just a euphemism for the word “won’t.”

Can’t afford that self-development course? Nope. The truth is if you really wanted to, you would find a way to come up with the money for it. Can’t attend that seminar because you “don’t have time”? Wrong again. Because if you were really determined to go, you would MAKE time.

Advertising

In reality, there’s hardly any situation in which you LITERALLY can’t do something. Most of the time, the only person holding you back is you.

Whenever you find yourself saying you can’t do something, ask yourself: are you really powerless to take action or are you just using the “can’t” excuse because you don’t want to work harder or you just don’t want something bad enough?

Do yourself a favor and free yourself from the “can’t” mindset and own up to your decisions. You’ll feel more empowered for it because unlike the word “can’t” which puts you in the victim’s position, the word “won’t” puts you in the driver’s seat and allows you to be completely honest and responsible for your choices and actions.

Advertising

“I failed.” vs. “I learned.”

A lot of people refuse to take risks or try new things because they’re scared of failure. What’s ironic though is that doing so actually sets you up for even greater failure because it puts you in a situation where you fail by default. (Hat tip to JK Rowling.)

And while I do agree that facing your fear helps you get rid of it, I’ve found that a more practical way to deal with fear of failure is to think of failing as a learning experience instead.

Seeing failure as a learning opportunity immediately converts the former into something positive. After all, the more you learn the better and smarter you’ll become, and the higher your chances of succeeding in the future. After a failure has occurred, reframe it to think about what lessons can be learned so that you reduce the chances of repeating the same mistakes.

So go ahead and fail learn. Do it quickly, and do it often. Keep trying. Your future, more successful self, will thank you for it.

More by this author

10 Products That Can Help You and Your Business Level Up 5 Life “Shortcuts” That Never Work 3 Easy Ways to Increase Your Writing Speed How to Be More Productive in Anything and Everything You Do 5 Ways to Get Your Freelance Biz Up and Running

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next