Advertising
Advertising

3 Lies You Were Told As A Child

3 Lies You Were Told As A Child

“My parents told me I’m special.”

“I got 30 Valentine’s Day cards this year, one from each of my classmates.”

“I have 30 more minutes to play outside before going home to finish my homework!”

Oh, the things we thought about as children. Looking back on these thoughts, they seem a bit ridiculous, don’t they?

They are a bit ridiculous — because they are lies.

As we grew up, everyone around us fed us beautiful and inspirational lines of uplifting protection. Our parents, our teachers, the movies we watched, the songs we listened to. They all had the very best intentions, but they all told us lies just the same.

This may seem a harsh judgement, but it’s something I’ve come to realize in my own life as I try to “succeed” in the “real world”, many light-years past that protected childhood. In the here and now, some of those well-intentioned lessons have come back to bite me in the backside. I know I’m not the only one.

Advertising

So, what are these lies you’ve been told?

Below, I’ll share a few of the lies we may have been told and how we can turn them around to work for us, instead of against us.

1. We all love you.

One thing’s for sure: our parents definitely love us, but that doesn’t mean everyone will.

Some clients, some colleagues, some random people on the street will dislike us for reasons unknown.

If we think that we’re supposed to be loved by everyone, how will we be able to handle it when we encounter someone who doesn’t?

When I first started my business, I thought working with people would be all sunny days and rainbows. Almost two years in, I know that’s just not the case. I wasn’t aware how difficult it would be to deal with the reality that some people didn’t have my best interests at heart.

It hurt, but it also presented incredible opportunity.

Advertising

Since then, I’ve learned to be more picky about who I work with, to pivot to work with people that I feel connected with and valued by.

Our parents may have been wrong — not everyone will love us — but we can choose to surround ourselves with people who do.

2. You can be anything you want to be.

This is the golden ticket of a hopeful future, which is the first wish for any parent out there.

As we grow up, we dream of being kindergarten teachers, firefighters, and more. Those dreams change, and we continually come up with new professions or projects we’d love to pursue.

What our parents told us leads us to believe that we can go after any of them and get the same result.

The truth is that we’re probably better at one type of project than another. Yes, we can learn and adapt and find success if we put in the time, but we also have a better shot at excelling at some things more than others.

Our parents weren’t telling us that we could be anything we want to be. They were telling us that we can succeed at anything we want.

Advertising

It may be true that, literally, you can try anything you want, but it’s not true that you will succeed at everything, right?

3. To be smart, all you need to do is study.

This is directly related to the lie above.

From the time we’re about four or five years old, we start an education process that lasts for another twenty years, depending on the career path.

Education is a critical part of our formation, but it’s not the only critical part.

Studying is important, but so is learning by doing.

Centuries ago, apprenticeships were the preferred method of learning a new craft. Under an experienced tutor, an apprentice will not only study the craft, but will also practice it.

Due to the education factory we’ve gone through since our childhood, we’re predisposed to take this “study first” approach to our projects. Is there a way to introduce the “learning by doing” approach, as well?

Advertising

Learning The Truth — Your Action Plan

Our parents have all the best intentions in the world, but there are some tweaks to the narrative they’ve taught us that could turn our lives around.

My advice? Forget the lies you’ve been told, and start building upon the truth to build your future.

I’d love to hear from you:

Are there ways to surpass the lies in our present?

How can we turn these into opportunities?

Have these lies helped us in some way?

I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments.

More by this author

Minimalist Traveling: How to Stay Free With Just A Carryon 3 Lies You Were Told As A Child How to Change Your Life By Exploring Do it Already! 3 Ways to Jumpstart Your Dreams 3 Questions to Ask Before You Quit Your Job

Trending in Communication

1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

Advertising

2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

Advertising

Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

Advertising

12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

Read Next