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26 Things For People in Relationships to Remember (From A To Z)

26 Things For People in Relationships to Remember (From A To Z)

There seems to be an A to Z of everything else, so why not relationships? Here we go…

A is for…Admire

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    Add this to your relationship to feel alive and be amorous and adoring, and let go of anger. Admire each other and yourselves. A little affection goes a long way.

    B is for…Behaviors

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      Both of you need to know what your beliefs about relationships are, about conflict and arguments, about money, honesty, lifestyle, habits—all the things you need to understand about yourself that might be driving your behavior at a deep level. Also, work out who you are and who the other person is. What made them who they are?

      C is for…Communication

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        Have a chat about your communication style. Is it clear? Honest? Do you listen before you speak, or speak more than you listen? What are your feelings about commitment? Do you have confidence in yourself and the other person? How do you handle control? Is it an issue in your relationships? Be there for each other in difficult times, and learn how to communicate together in a way that works for you both.

        D is for…Doubts

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          Every relationship will go through doubts at some point, but you need to learn to be able to discuss them and hopefully work through them. Don’t act instantly on a little doubt when it could be easily resolved.

          E is for…Enthusiasm

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            Look deeply into your relationship: how much energy and excitement do you have? These are important parts of a relationship. How exciting are you and how much excitement do you put into your relationship? How much effort do you make to keep your partner interested in you? Keep your relationship alive and this will help you both feel enthusiastic.

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            F is for…Friendship

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              Friendship keeps relationships lasting longer than lust does. Learn everything about each other, ask lots of questions, and spend time together. Talk about one other’s hopes and fears and deal with them. And have as much fun as possible, as often as you can!

              Friendship can often fly out the window when financial pressures, children, and mortgages take hold of your life, but focus on the positive, fun aspects of your relationship rather than dwelling on the negative.

              G is for…Genorisity

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                Never define yourself by what you own, your money, your status, your income, or your looks—it’s generosity and kindness that give back. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and be generous with yourself. Be generous with your spirit and your heart, not just your money. Grow together.

                H is for…Happiness

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                  Remember to be happy! Be honest not only with yourself but with others around you. Give your partner a hug every day; this will help boost your immune system—and theirs. Seeking joy together will help you to feel happier not just in your relationship, but within yourself.

                  I is for…Intimacy

                  An undying love

                    Intimacy is an integral part of a lifelong relationship. Not just physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. Make your relationship a safe place for you and the other person to share your innermost secrets with each other. Keep a part of you just for the other person, so they feel special. Keep it interesting,

                    J is for…Joyful

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                      Try and go through your day being joyful about life, even if it’s not as perfect as you would wish it would be. Remember you’re still alive and the sun shines! Do activities together, play sports together, ride bikes together, learn a new hobby together—just make sure you’re doing them together!

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                      K is for…Kindness

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                        Being kind to each other is so important, and remember to be kind to yourself! We usually travel through our days being kind to complete strangers and work colleagues but when we arrive home we turn into monsters! Because now we can “relax” and in the process we forget basic kindness.

                        L is for…Listening

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                          Listen to each other, and really listen! Don’t just wait for a quiet moment to say what you want to say. Ask yourself “What does this person really want from me?” Laugh lots! Lighten up and don’t take yourselves too seriously—life’s too short!

                          M is for…Memories

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                            Moments and memories pass us by each day and we end up forgetting so many of them. Keep a book where you write all the special moments you have spent together. When times get tough, you can open it up and relive those moments; the happiness will make you feel better. And remember: make memories together! Create new experiences and live out your fantasies together.

                            N is for…Non-Verbal Communication

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                              Non-verbal communication is much more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Words account for 7% of the message being delivered to another. Think very carefully before you speak, because remember, the other person is reading into it. You think you are hiding the fact you think they are an idiot or at fault—but you’re not, they can tell!

                              O is for…Optimism

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                                Be optimistic. This makes you a happier person and makes you more fun to be around, boosts the immune system, reduces stress, and generally makes life better. Openness in your communication reduces misunderstandings and conflict. Have other interests outside your normal day-to-day routine.

                                P is for…Politeness

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                                  Politeness can be forgotten about easily once we are in a relationship. We are polite and lovely to strangers and colleagues and then we come home and become horrible. Work together, don’t be too mature all the time—be silly and play games. Work out where your priorities lie—work or home? Prioritize your hobbies and work. Patience will help your relationship travel a long way.

                                  Q is for…Quantity Time

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                                    Don’t just have quality time—have quantity time. Every relationship needs time for just hanging around together. During these times is when the special, unexpected moments occur.

                                    R is for…Respect

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                                      Respect and successful relationships go hand in hand. You have to respect yourself first and then respect your partner. Find certain qualities in each other that you respect, and then remember then when tough times occur. Make an effort to be romantic; it doesn’t just happen automatically. Plan for romantic weekends a couple of times a year.

                                      S is for…Stress

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                                        Stress is one of the major disruptions in relationships, more than we realize. Ask yourself: how do you handle stress? Are you allowing it to build up and kill you and your relationship? Do things to help you relax, daily and weekly. Support each other and stand up for one another in public and in private. Not many people realize how important this little act is for your bond.

                                        T is for…Thoughtful

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                                          Remember to always be thoughtful, do little things for each other, and let the other person know you are thinking about them. Send a quick text to say “I love you”, take out the rubbish without being asked, help them when they are in a predicament. Be true to yourself.

                                          U is for…Unconditional

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                                            Accept each other unconditionally—this is a big life lesson. It is very hard to really love and accept each other unconditionally.

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                                            V is for…Value

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                                              Remember to value each other, and recognize the great things about each other. Be vulnerable with each other—this allows for real intimacy.

                                              W is for…Wise

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                                                Wisdom is something the Dalai Lama suggested we all pursue. While there are things we need to do for others—our partners, parents , children, friends—there are also things we need to do for ourselves.

                                                X is for…X-Rated

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                                                  Bathe yourself in an excess of loving, both sexual and non-sexual. Sex is a very important part of relationships and can keep it exciting as you feel intimate together.

                                                  Y is for…You

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                                                    This is an important one—remember to take some “me time” every now and then. You can’t always be rushing around doing things for your partner. Relax with a book or have a bath—just make sure you do something for YOU.

                                                    Z is for…Zing, Zing, Zing

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                                                      Zing, zing, zing! We all need more of this in our lives and relationships. The zest, the life, the excitement, and all the other points this article has covered.

                                                      Featured photo credit: Takmeomeo via pixabay.com

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                                                      Last Updated on August 19, 2019

                                                      How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

                                                      How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

                                                      We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

                                                      When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

                                                      In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

                                                      Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

                                                      If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

                                                      According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

                                                      No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

                                                      When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

                                                      Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

                                                      1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

                                                      When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

                                                      Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

                                                      When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

                                                      Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

                                                      In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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                                                      It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

                                                      You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

                                                      Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

                                                      What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

                                                      You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

                                                      That’s where we all should be.

                                                      So, answer me this:

                                                      How are you, really?

                                                      And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

                                                      Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

                                                      Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

                                                      Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

                                                      Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

                                                      It’s taking control.

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                                                      2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

                                                      You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

                                                      You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

                                                      In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

                                                      Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

                                                      You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

                                                      Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

                                                      But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

                                                      It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

                                                      In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

                                                      It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

                                                      Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

                                                      Change will happen.

                                                      Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

                                                      You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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                                                      And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

                                                      You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

                                                      That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

                                                      You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

                                                      When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

                                                      There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

                                                      3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

                                                      Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

                                                      In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

                                                      If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

                                                      Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

                                                      Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

                                                      How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

                                                      Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

                                                      “Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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                                                      Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

                                                      Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

                                                      It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

                                                      Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

                                                      “If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

                                                      What would you do if you felt you were enough?

                                                      By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

                                                      So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

                                                      Final Thoughts

                                                      By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

                                                      Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

                                                      When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

                                                      You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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                                                      Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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